Couple blogs on 'the art of manliness'

I found this article in my newspaper and thought I'd share.



It's time to rediscover the lost art of manliness, according to husband-and-wife writing team Brett and Kate McKay.

Manliness in modern times has been stripped of its masculinity and replaced with more sensitive, feminine qualities, they write in The Art of Manliness, Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man.

It's okay for men to cry at movies and talk about their feelings, but they shouldn't let their niceness slide into wienerdom, say the McKays, the couple behind artofmanliness.com.

Brett, 26, began the blog in his second year of law school in January 2008. It became so successful that he and his wife, Kate, 28, now blog about manliness for a living from their home in Tulsa, Okla.

This is their first book. The Star engaged the McKays in an email discussion of their book. Here is an edited transcript.

Q: Why does the world need a book on the art of manliness?

Brett: One of the reasons I started The Art of Manliness site is because I noticed that men my age seemed pretty lost and directionless. I see lots of twenty- and thirtysomethings still acting and dressing as if they're 17.

Kate: Men thrive when there's a lot expected of them. We've really lowered our expectations for men and it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Q: What makes you experts on manly men?

Brett and Kate: We're just people who are interested in the subject and passionate about helping men improve their lives.

Q: Are men less manly today than they used to be? How?

Brett: I'd say yes. We read about men, particularly younger men, from the 19th and early 20th century, and we're just amazed by their maturity and resolve. They seemed to have a quiet confidence that many younger men lack these days. Men from our fathers' and grandfathers' generation also seem to know more basic life and handyman skills, such as how to start a fire or how to use tools, than men in my generation do.

Sitting around playing Xbox 360 while someone you've paid paints your house or shovels the snow off your driveway doesn't help with your manly self-reliance

Q: Are metrosexuals manly?

Brett: I don't think so. We advocate caring about your appearance on the site, but it shouldn't be a man's main focus. If a man's focus is on getting six-pack and abs and removing every wisp of body hair, he's not out there doing important things like giving back to his community or making solid contributions to his job and family.

Kate: That inner core of manly goodness radiates to the outside and makes a man far more attractive than one who's plucked his eyebrows and whitened his teeth.

Q: What are some of the essential ingredients of a manly man?

Brett: It's a mixture of character traits and practical skills. Self-reliance, courage, loyalty, and personal responsibility come to mind when I think of manly men.

Kate: I would add resiliency and ambition. Many men today seemed controlled by their emotions rather than the other way around.

Q: Does a manly man talk about his feelings?

Brett: Sure! I don't think anybody wants to go back to the days where men were cold, stony, and distant.

Q: Does a manly man cry at movies?

Brett: Of course. The ending of Saving Private Ryan? I still cry like a baby every time I see it.

Kate: Well, I think there are some important caveats. I don't think anyone really wants to see a guy blubber after watching Beaches.

Q: Can a manly man be a stay-at-home dad?

Brett: Definitely. Just think about the opportunities a stay at home dad has to be manly everyday. He's raising his kids to be productive citizens and he can do home improvement projects around the house.

Q: Does a manly man sleep around?

Brett: I don't think so. A manly man has self-restraint and self-control.

Q: You advise men to quit the porn. Was that Brett's idea or Kate's?

Brett: That was my idea, actually. I've known a lot of men who have been adversely affected by porn. It's warped their conception of women to the point where they can't have a meaningful relationship with a real woman.

Kate: Porn also makes a lot of women feel like crap. When their man's sneaking off to watch an Internet video instead of initiating sex with them, it's hard for them not to feel that they can't measure up.

Q: Do you think it's possible to get men to quit consuming porn? It's a pretty big market out there, and there doesn't seem to be the same sense of outrage and opposition to it that there once was.

Brett: The idea that it's unavoidable and every man does it is bunk. I don't and I think I'm better off for it. It just takes some manly self-control and self-restraint, but it can be done.

Q: What are some of the things a manly man should be able to do? Should he be able to build a shelter in the wilderness? Tile a bathroom?

Brett: My goal is to be like my grandpa. That man could do everything: shoe a horse, make pancakes, clean a deer, clean a house, you name it and he could do it well. A man's goal should be to be as self-reliant as possible.

Q: You dedicate the book to William Hurst and George Novak, "members of the Greatest Generation and men who truly lived the art of manliness." Who were these men, and why did they make such an impression on you?

Brett: Those are our still-living grandfathers. George Novak is Kate's grandfather. William Hurst is my grandfather. He's 94 and he's still going strong. He's charming, rugged, funny, and he can still whip you at arm wrestling.

Q: One of the most intriguing suggestions you make is for men to reclaim the association between manliness and virtue? Can you elaborate on that?

Brett: Modern men seem obsessed with being cool, hip, cynical, and jaded. We're just trying to bring back the idea that being manly means living a full and virtuous life.