Really Down Tonight

Well, I've talked about my troubles with my DH before so I guess you are not surprised to see me writing about it again.
We had a huge fight Monday night and haven't spoken since. I tried to talk to him tonight and he said that the past few days have been so great because he didn't have to listen to me. He also said that he's been "dealing" with me for the past 3 weeks..... (I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.)
I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm resentful. I feel like I have always loved him more than he loves me. He says I have too many expectations of him. Seriously? I mean, am I the only person on the planet that expects a lot from her spouse?
I try really hard to take good care of him. I expect to be taken care of in the same way. I don't feel that I'm being taken care of at all. Sure, he puts a roof over my head and food on the table but it's much more than that.
He used to think I was smart and interesting and beautiful. He used to kiss me like he couldn't get enough. He used to leave me notes on my car, send me flowers, write long letters.
I know that after 10 years of marriage things are not going to be exactly the same but COME ON!!!!!!!!!
Do you know that he didn't do anything for me on my birthday this year until 3 weeks after! He said he didn't have time to do anything....... um, last time I checked my bday was on the same day as always. How crappy!
I don't know. I look at him sometimes and have so much to share with him and then I'll just think to myself, "no, don't waste your breath, he won't care (or understand, or he'll say that I'm being stupid, or he'll rolls his eyes at me, or he'll yell me) You catch my drift.

I'm just so sad because I really feel like I'm witnessing the slow death of my marriage and I want it to thrive. I'm just tired of being the one to try and I'm tired of apologizing for things I didn't do. My mother told me the other day that I just seam so sad and defeated. At the time, I thought everything was fine and I couldn't figure out what she was talking about but I guess this is it. She could see something has changed in me.

And now, I'm raising a son with him. How do I make sure he doesn't grow up to treat his wife the same way?

If my husband read this post right now he would say I'm playing the victim.

I'm so sorry

I don't really know how you can teach your son that his attitude is wrong, other than if he notices something, then discuss it with him? Say that whilst you love his dad, he shouldn't do that.

Sorry I can't be of much use x

Awe Lou Lou I am so very sorry! HUGS!!!!!!!!! I know how you feel because my dh and I went thru something like this a few years ago. He just kinds of came home and said "I don't love you anymore, nothing makes me happy....except Blaine". OK, shock of the day!!!!! I was in school and we didn't see much of each other and i guess it put us apart. BUT, what i did was, i mostly stopped saying "I love you" back to him but when he did something or when i felt like it, i would say it, but i really turned cold when it came to expressing myself. I still would rub his back and talk to him, but it wasn't the same. I am not sure WHAT happened, but about a month later, he came out of it, and sent me flowers at work and the note said "I love you!" After that, we were closer than ever!

Sometimes guys go thru crazy @ss phases! i don't understand it and i hope that your dh realizes what he has with you and comes back around to being the great husband he used to be! YOu can vent here to us anytime! You have my email too if you need me! If you can't find it then just pm me! I would type it on here but EVERYONE in the world can see it and not just our "Family" so i better not I hope you havea wonderful day, and hang in there! My pastor always says we are either going thru a difficult time, on the rise out of one, or headed toward one, so hopefully you are on the rise!!!!! XXXXX

UGH Lou lou, I'm sorry you are going thru a similar situation to mine. My DF feels as though we aren't affectionate enough towards one another and he doesn't feel the butterflies and all the nice stuff that goes along with being in love. I'm really busy with 2 kids, tired all the time and the last thing on my mind is cuddling and having sex. We had quite the talk the one day and it seems like still things have not improved much except for a few things he's been changing about himself. Now he wants me to be closer to him and give him foreplay and all that jazz, but honestly I don't have any desire or drive to do anything at the moment. I honestly think we'd do better apart, but I still love him, he's the one who isn't happy with our life. It almost seems like it's all about him and not me. Like he says at least he comes home at night, well why does he keep bringing that up??? Does he plan on not coming home one day??? I'm really tired of working on our relationship that HE thinks has a problem. I am happy with where I am right now with a 2 month old and a 2 year old, what more can you expect when you have NO extra help. I have no family or friends around to help and so therefore I am exhausted by the end of the day and just like to veg in the evening once Audrey is asleep.

I don't want anyone to reply to this and tell me advice because honestly I don't really want to hear it, but wanted to tell Lou lou that she isn't alone with relationship problems.

Hun, I hope it doesn't end your marriage and I hope you can get some wonderful advice from the ladies on here.

I on the other hand would not be upset if DF left me because then I'd have one less person to have to do things for. I love DF so very much, I do everything for him EXCEPT the romance and sex and stuff, and I would do his laundry, cook his dinner and all that stuff until the day we die, but if he's not happy and I am, then what's the point of living together if HE's the miserable one. I've brought up selling the house many times, but he says he'd leave us here and make sure that everything would be affordable to still have us live here and I told him it wouldn't be that way if he met another woman and then I'd struggle. I would never live in this house, it's too expensive to live here on my own. I am happy with him though, I'm just upset that he isn't....

I am so sorry you are going thru this (((hug))).

I know it really isn't comforting, or advice. But it seems like around ten years alot of marriages go thru this type of problem. I know ours did.

You are a wonderful person, and a wonderful mother. Just make sure you take some time and cioncentrate on you a bit. Do something that makes you happy.


Gutter....... all I am going to say is you have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. You are ENTITLED to be exhausted.