Taking Over...

OK,so today,I get a call from MIL,she said "I just want to warn you that I'm coming over in about 30 mins to do your lawn.I wont go into huge detail about it,but we need our grass cutting and she went n brought a weed eater.Same happened with our furniture,when we moved in,she decided the furniture we had wasnt good enough.She got us;

Couch with foot rest,chair and a half and a recliner.A kitchen table n chairs,bed frame bedroom set,nursey furniture (this last thing I dont mind.)Lamp table n lamp,big screen TV.These are all new and nice thing BUT...
The problems I have with the above are;
* I was not asked if I liked these thing before she got them,I want to choose n decorate my own home
*she calls n sais 'coming over to bring .....' we dont have a choice in when.
*She has not got money,she has debts n she spends her money on stuff
*If she wants to help,we have debts n bills that are more urgent than stuff.
*She walks around MY house (mine n dh's but he doesnt care),saying stuff like "I have GOT to get some curtains in here...I need to clean that.It makes me feel that my standard of cleaniliness is not good enough n that my decoration is not to her taste.Just before she bought the couch n stuff (unbeknowst to me,) I went n spent $50 on a nice washable couch cover for our second hand couch.Days later,she calls n sais new couch is coming.So out goes my couch n up goes my couch cover.I really appreciate the generosity,but I would rather she said 'I have $ ....... to spend on you,I want to buy you something for the house,what can I get you?Or "come with me n choose something.

This thing with thegrass today turned into a big stink,I told her today was not a good day (she was quite insistant) and she was quite put out by that.

I told hubby.he thinks I am crazy n ungreatful.I have had enough.They can be offended if they want.I am sick of having thing bought for me without my permission/opinion being asked.I will end up living in a house entirely decked out by her in the end.I WANT TO CHOOSE.Is that so much to ask?and why is hubby so annyed?Iwasnt mean or impolite but I wont have it anymore!

Thoughts please

Ugh!
Sorry Angel. I KNOW how frustrating this can be! Mine drive me nuts for other reasons.
Why does the relationship between in laws have to be so difficult? I mean, we fell in love with their sons so they have to have similarities, right?! WRONG!
My in laws are completely different from my DH!

I wish I had an answer for you.... I've been married almost 9 years and I still don't know how to handle my in laws.

If you figure out the magical solution please enlighten us all!

How have you managed this long without loosing your cool? I mean i would have lost it by now. I would have said to DH, you sort it out and sort it out now otherwise i will and it wont be pleasent! You are the mother of her grandchildren and her sons life partner, she needs to accept it and live her own life. its nice she wants to buy things but to a point this is ok, she is really trying to take over.
When she rings, sneak out for a drive with the kids so you are not home..... i know its mean but this needs to stop. I hope you find a solution soon. xxxxxx

Yeah,I mean,it doesnt happen all the time,in fact it doesnt happen more than a couple of times a month,but i have politely tried to hint that I dont want her to by stuff.Hubby has tried,she just ignores us.Like when she babysat a couple of times for me,she cleans the house (even if I think it looks fine) last time,I specifically said 'please don't clean the house,I mean it I think it looks fine." She said"ok" I went out,came back and she said "i had to just do the dishes it was driving me crazy (there was like a pot and a couple of plates).NOT impressed.It doesnt matter if it's driving YOU crazy,it's not your house.When I come over your house,do I complain that therr are newspapers on the chairs and they fall when you sit down?or that the dogs are all in your face when you come in and cant get in the door?Or that you feed the dogs at the table?no I dont,coz it's not my house or my life.Do I come in your bedroom,decide you need a side table and go and buy you one that "I" think would go nicely with the decor?NO! I don't coz thats too overbearing.I dont mind her buying stuff for the kids or little things ,but I am one of those people who loves to shop and have a certain tatse,just because I say I like purple,does not mean that I want purple shoes!!!Or that it's the right shade that you picked.

Anyway,more ranting !Sorry!We will get there one day,I just dont likeconfrontation and I dont want things to be awkward.

OMG Angel, I would be feeling exactly like you are, if I were in your situation. Would your MIL want you coming over and doing the same thing to her? I doubt it. I also doubt that she would tolerate it.

Perhaps explaining your feelings to her, while also expressing your gratitude would help? I think you should be able to live your own life, have no curtains if you don't want any, and let your lawn grow into a jungle, without your MIL butting in. It's one thing that she wants to help, but it's another that she is a control freak.

Ok, and just a thought, I hope I don't offend you by saying this, but I love you so I'm gonna. I know you get frustrated because you feel you do everything around the house, perhaps your MIL did everything for your DH while he was growing up, and so he takes it for granted that you do everything. He just expects it, because that is all he knows.

Her son is a grown man, she should let YOU his wife take care of him, and hang up his curtains.

I hope things get better for you babes, I really do.

Man, am I glad my in laws don't speak English.

p.s. If I were in your shoes, her constant need to clean your house, do the 3 dishes in your sink when you tell her not to ahead of time, and her buying you stuff she feels you are lacking, would make me think she thought I was inadequate or something. She needs to realize that.

The End.

Nika I like your thinking!! that would be good, after a while she may just get the idea.

When my husband and I first knew each other (but were not dating) he bought the house we now live in because his parents insisted that it was a good investment. Usually in this area a house would be but it needed some fixing up and he wasn't the handy, fix it up type. So when we started dating and I first saw the house i(he had lived here 3 years by then) t looked like Bachelor pad decorated with mom's leftovers meets slobbery dog. There was no style and a hodge podge of stuff that made no sense together. I slowly started to realize that most of the stuff that caused him angst or that he took his wrath out on were objects his mother gave to him that he did not ask for and never wanted (like a white wicker nightstand). So part of me is very glad they are too far away to do anything like what you are going through Angel because I know that I would never be half as patient as you are with the situation. I think every woman should have the right to have her home decorated in her own taste. It is part of the fun of being a home owner.

i rember this day i think i came the day after? I though she was in the wrong and said it then because she in my opinion has no say so what gose on in your house like you said the though was nice and you where grateful but it should be what YOU PICK in YOUR home. im sure it would be another story if you did that to her.