Step Parenting Adult Children

My wife's sister's husband isn't the biological father of my nephew, but he's been "Dad" for over two decades. My nephew is 34, recently divorced, and a year ago moved in with his parents. They were all guests in my home for Thanksgiving.

My brother-in-law told me that my nephew has no job, nor any prospects of one. Brother In Law thinks it's time they give nephew an ultimatum: "You will be out of our home in 90 days." Sister-in-law refuses, claiming her sun suffers from depression.

Yesterday, nephew complained that he couldn't afford his child support payments on the unemployment he's currently being paid.

Your thoughts?

Sounds like your SIL is enabling her son, making excuses for him. But if he is suffering from depression, then he needs medical help to get that under control. Without that, I don't believe he'll be able to set the goals he needs to be self-sufficient again.

IMO, the ultimatum isn't the way to go and isn't going to be effective.

Hi Bluesguy. It sounds like a tough situation. But here are my thoughts.

I think that your nephew needs to be doing something to be keeping his depression in check, whether it's counseling, medication, ect. If he is making no effort to do this, then he should not be allowed to stay with his mom, and I think a 90 day ultimatum is very reasonable. It's one thing to help someone for a period of time, but if they are not willing to help themselves, then you aren't really doing them any favors. Divorce sucks, but it happens, and life goes on. You have to choose to have a life, if you wallow in misery, things will never get better.

If he is on unemployment, then he should be eligible for your state health insurance Medicaid. I know that he can see a psychologist to help work through his loss of his marriage, and they will cover it.

I know that depression is a real thing, but to be honest, I think that there is tons of stuff that can be done to get on with life, even if one suffers with depression. Regular exercise, medication, and counseling are great ways to start.