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continue working, or become a SAHM??

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continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Tue May 26, 2009 11:02 am

well, my boss (who is also my future father in law) called me into his office this morning. i was sitting there thinking omg what did i do wrong lol! well he looked me straight in the face and said you need to seriously think about what you want and need to do with work after the baby is born. he said your daycare costs are going to eat away your whole salary arent they and i said yes and he said well you need to talk with charles and see if you want to stop working, or try and find some work you can do from home, or stay here. its up to us he just said to think about it now and let him know in advance since it wouldnt be fair to him or us to wait until the last minute. i understand that completely!

basically the only thing that was stopping me from just staying at home with both kids was A: i get my health insurance from work, and B: im just afraid we wont make enough money, even though it will be the same weather im working or not, if that makes any sense. like either i will loose my check cause im not working, or i will give my whole check to daycare.... and the insurance thing reid (my boss and FFIL) said to call and see what it would cost to put me on charles insurance so i wouldnt loose it, so i called and am waiting to hear back from the insurance company this afternoon...

wow, some serious thinking to do. ive always said i wanted to be a stay at home mom, and now i have my chance, i need to talk to charles and to nancy (who does our finances) and i have some figuring out to do...


also, he suggested that i can find a way to make some money from home, does anyone know of a legit way to make money at home that isnt a total scam? that would be wonderful, im still willing to work throughout the day when i can, i will have as much free time as 2 kids would allow me.

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Georgi on Tue May 26, 2009 12:16 pm

This is a HUGE decision and I remember going through this when I was getting ready to go back to work. I really feel for you Nika!! Are you able to still go back to work but reduce your hours? I was really concerned that if I quit my job I would lose out on the great pension scheme and also struggle to get back into employment when Theo was going to school. I was able to compromise with my employer and we agreed on 16 hours over 2 days, the week flies by, I still get all the benefits of working there and I still very much have my foot in the door! Wink however I know that I will once again be faced with this decision and it will be different this time around i.e. extra childcare costs...

But you have to really weigh up whether you would overall have a better quality of life for you and the kids staying at home, is getting your own health insurance a major expensive if you didn't work, I am sorry I don't understand how it works in the US we pay a National Insurance here in the UK as part of our monthly salary and that covers our health bills etc...but even if we didn't work we would still get everything paid for us!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Tue May 26, 2009 12:43 pm

thanks georgi, it really is a big decision!! i dont think people realize that till they are faced with it lol, i know i didnt because ive always said i would jump at the chance to be a SAHM and im trying very hard to think this through instead of doing just that.

the deal with the insurance is that i am on a group plan at work, so they pay part of it and the rest comes straight out of my check before taxes. i think i pay $40 a week for it. right now i have already placed a call to the insurance agency to see how much it would cost to put me on charles plan instead of having my own, and how much it would cost to get a private plan, not through work. so then we will be able to see if the prices are going to shoot up without me working or not. they are supposed to call me back this afternoon.

another thing i was thinking about is that daycare cost $290 a week, and i make about $340 a week if i work a full 40 hours. well, if one of the kids gets sick and i have to stay home, i will loose my pay for that day, but daycare is still going to cost $290 a week regardless. they dont care if its a holiday or your kids are sick or get sent home, you still pay. so there is the (great) possiblilty that one or both of the kids gets sick and i have to miss 1-3 days or more of work, and my check wont even cover the daycare...

well, obviously im not going to make my decision this second, but i think i am leaning more towards staying home, but i do still need to talk to charles, talk to nancy, and talk to the insurance company.

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  BethG on Tue May 26, 2009 1:30 pm

Sometimes Nika, the solution is a compromise. Charles works during the day and you work (maybe part-time) at something after 5pm like a shift at good ol' McDonalds or maybe cleaning offices while he watches the kids. Not the most ideal but if it keeps you from struggling financially....
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Toffee on Tue May 26, 2009 2:06 pm

Yes, Beth has a good idea. That's what my Mum did when we were small, she'd work at the supermarket a couple of evenings a week when my Dad got in from work.
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Tue May 26, 2009 2:14 pm

thats something i will probably look into if i decide to stay at home. its just difficult since i never know when charles will be home from work or on call. so hopefully if i had to call out here and there i wouldnt get fired lol! some nights hes off right at 5 and others he works as late as the wee hours of the morning (2-3am) like he had to this weekend! thats actually why i quit the job i was working at after i had kaydee (other than my manager being a complete and total bitch) was that i never knew when he would get off work and she wouldnt let me come in later than 3pm! and at that job i DEF didnt make enough money to send her to daycare lol!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Gutter on Tue May 26, 2009 2:17 pm

Toffee wrote:Yes, Beth has a good idea. That's what my Mum did when we were small, she'd work at the supermarket a couple of evenings a week when my Dad got in from work.

This is what I plan on having DF do once I'm done mat leave. I make the most money, so makes sense I stay on full time, but for him to go down to part time evenings and weekends, we can probably do...especially not needing a sitter Smile/happy

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Lou Lou on Tue May 26, 2009 5:57 pm

OK. I'm going to post a different perspective on this......
I have been thinking about this all day and waiting until I had my thoughts together to respond.
When we made the decision for me to stay home it was really a no brainer. I have always been on DH's insurance so that was not an issue for us. Also, by the time we added up the cost of child care, gas, food, and clothing for work we realized that even though we would have money left over it wasn't worth the hassle not to mention that fact that I believe if you CAN stay home it is worth it. I realize not everyone can afford to but for us it was the right decision.

That being said my only concern for you right now is what all has been going on in your relationship. Leaving your job makes you very dependent of Charles and sometimes having our own money can be very important.
I also know that you spend a lot of your time alone at home and if you are not working that means ALL of your time at home. Being home for me has been a major adjustment in this department!
Because of this, I think you would benefit from a part time job at night or on the weekends. It may also mean that you find someone that can watch the kids for you some so that you don't lose your job too! It would also mean that Charles will need to make the effort to leave work on time. (My DH is not good at doing this so a night job is out of the question for me right now!) I would hate to see you take a job and then not be able to keep it because of that!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Ginny on Tue May 26, 2009 6:10 pm

nika, sorry i gotta hurry!

I work 32 hours a week, and let me telll you i WISH i culd be a sahm, just etlling holi that today! BUT, i make way too much money and have too good of a job to give it up, cuz you justdon't get a job like that around here!!! I am sad a lot cuz i miss my baby sooo bad, but I know that my check is just too much to give up also. Cry it sux.

But having said that and PLEASE don't taket his the wrong way, but if you are only going to clear about 50 bucks a week from it ALL going to child care, it honestly iS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!! I wouldn't work for dang sure if i was only gonna get $50 a paycheck! I may have read what you said wrong cuz thane is sick Cry and I am trying to hurry and type back to you. But, these are times that you can never get back, EVER, so if you would like to be a SAHM< then go for it! Smile/happy

If i still worked at the hospital making less money I would quit for sure! But, I went to college and got my bachelors for this job, and I just CAN"T quit Cry I did at least go from 40 hours down to 32...that was good! maybe i can go down to 24 Wink Ray just got a major raise... lol I'll ask him LOL

I know its scary, but if this isn't your DREAM job, then screw it! There's other jobs out there !!!! HUGS HUGS HUGS Ihope i didn't offend anyone,i am jsut tryign to type quick!!!!
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Ginny on Tue May 26, 2009 6:13 pm

p.s i know a lot of ppl who do medical transcription from home if you want to know moer about that Wink
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Tue May 26, 2009 6:36 pm

lou lou, dont you worry one bit! ive been thinking about the same thing... we are talking it over now, but im glad i still have time to make my decision. one thing i do know is that if it did come down to it, i could definitely get my job back if i had to. i know that. and i have been thinking about that a lot, i think i will not be able to make my final decision set in stone until our next counseling appt. i would like to talk there too.

well me and charles talked about it breifly but are going to talk more after kaydee goes to bed tonight when we can both give it our full attention.

it might be foolish since we have been having some problems in our relationship, but i think im leaning more towards staying at home, even if its just for a short period of time (but longer than my crappy 6 week non paid mat leave) and see how it goes. im not sure yet, but im glad i posted and am getting all of these wonderful opinions and perspectives!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  BethG on Tue May 26, 2009 6:53 pm

I didn't vocalize it earlier, but I agree with what Lou Lou said about the relationship, becoming dependent on Charles, etc. I am a big believer in women being independent and making their own money. I wouldn't want to being or feeling at any point that you were "trapped" and couldn't leave if you needed to -- God forbid, but you know what I'm saying.

Maybe there's another mother you could meet...watch her kid(s) two days a week while she works, then she watches yours for 2 days while you work. I know, how to meet this person...??

Also, what Ginny said....medical transcribing! The wife of a friend of mine does this at home while their daughter was very young. Took some training, took an investment as well in the equipment, but I think it's paid off for her/them.
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Tue May 26, 2009 7:05 pm

and of course i wont know for sure, but i dont think ill have a bit problem with being home either. even before kids ive always been more comfortable at home, and a bit of a homebody and ive already looked and there are a ton of free activities for kids kaydees age at the local YMCA right up the road, and at the library right behind it, and then i was thinking i could find a mommy group!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  skyllar on Tue May 26, 2009 7:17 pm

That sounds great, Nika. I am also working full time and I would love to stay home with Kian. I miss so many things when I am gone, but my job (teaching at a university), I teach two days morning till evening, and 1/2 day for office hours and meetings, and I am home the rest of the time. That is fantastic. But I need to work a lot at home. There are moments where I would love to be a stay-at-home mom; I envy the moms who go to the park and mommy and me classes during the day - I can't do this, so this makes me sad.

But I have too good a job and excellent benefits for me, DH and Kian that I can't be a SAHM. No way (also DH doesn't have a job at the moment). But, like Beth and Lou Lou said, my Mom was and I am a firm believer in being independent as a woman (having your own paycheck etc.) so if you need to leave for whatever reason (and I am not saying you will - like even way down the road) that you are a little more independent to do so. Another part of me, really enjoys adult conversation at work and hanging out with other adults. Don't give me wrong, I LOVE hanging out with Kian, but it's nice to have some adult conversation, too.

Beth's idea (I think it was Beth) is great. I have met a mommy who we share child care duty with. Some day I go to her house and take care of both the kids and then she can do some work, some grading, etc. Another day, she'll take Kian and her kid and I can do some work. And these kids groups (library, YMCA) are a great place to meet mommy's like you.

So this is a TOTALLY difficult decision to make. I am just trying to give you some of my thoughts, maybe they help in the decision-making process.
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Lily*Blossom on Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:01 pm

Nika, here are my thoughts.

At your current job, if you are going to clear 50 dollars a week after working 40 hours, it's not worth it. Is there anyway you can work from home?? Not sure what you do at work, if it is receptionist or what, but maybe you could forward the calls to your house or cell phone and still help out and get paid something??? Maybe you could even work from home 3 days a week and pay for daycare 2 days a week or something. Your father in law knows you, he trusts you I'm sure to do work outside the office.

If that doesn't work out, have you considered running a daycare?? I used to do it when I lived in Utah. You might go crazy, but you can charge about 30 dollars a day per kid. If you get state certified, which involves a CPR, First Aid, and Child safety class, then you can be put on the state list so people who get assistance from the government for child care can go to you, and you can get paid by the state. Unfortunately, because we rent an apartment, our contract doesn't allow me to run a business from my home, so we are planning to rent a house when our contract is up in November, so I can start watching some kids during the week.

I'm sorry to say... I've been looking into medical transcription, and it is totally phasing out, because doctors and their medical assistants are using lap tops now, and typing up everything as they talk to the patient. Only people who are in the medical transcription business already and have current contracts are still making a decent living right now. It's not a good time to jump into the business anymore. It makes me sad, because I was really wanting to do this as well.

As you know, DH hasn't been able to get a job. He's been unemployed since December 31st. We made the decision for him to go back to school. I could go out and work since he is home, but to be honest, it isn't worth it because first off, nobody is hiring, I can't even get a home depot job where I live. I don't even want to waitress, because most of the restaurants aren't hiring, and the parking lots are so empty even during business hours, nobody has money to eat out anymore!

Secondly, I don't have a college degree so the most I could make is about 7.50-8.00 dollars an hour, which for me, to be away from LM for 40 hours a week, only to make maybe 800 dollars a month after taxes, is not worth it. We get WIC, and also use the state medical insurance, and student loans, so DH work full time on his masters, and we use his student loans to pay our bills. So In another year he can land a 110,000 dollar a year job, which is what the starting pay is for someone with the degree he is getting. I don't like being on state help, but we honestly didn't have a choice at the time, nor do we now. Even with me going out to work, we would still not make enough money at all for us to even come close to making our bills.

So those are some ideas for you. Look into what the income limits are for medicaid for your family. With you quitting your job, you may be able to get some state assistance that will help you, until your kids are older, or until you find a cheaper daycare solution.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Lily*Blossom on Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:05 pm

Nika- This is a bit off topic BUT... I've noticed that you have written a girl's name above your pregnancy ticker. Is there something I missed? Did you get another ultrasound and find out you are having a girl????

xxxx

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:27 pm

hey tiff! sorry i havent responded to this thread, me and charles have been doing lots of talking and planning and all sorts of things to try and figure out what would be best for our family.

we are selling both our cars (charles still has his truck thats paid off, and his dad will be giving us his moms car that he kept after she passed thats paid off) so no more car payments!! after getting rid of those, charles actually makes a pretty good salary. his dad also did the math and figured out that i would only have to miss one day of work every two weeks to be in the red paying daycare more than i would bring home. so we have happily made the decision that i will stay home and raise the babies! im sooo excited lol

as soon as i am done working i am going to apply for WIC, for medicaid for the kids, and possibly for food stamps, not sure what the income cutoff is for the foodstamps though. im pretty sure i will be able to get WIC and medicaid though.

we also straitened out the insurance issues and it will only cost slightly more a month to put me on charles insurance plan as a spouse than we are currently paying already for both of us separately.


oh and tiff, if you check out the pregnancy threads above, hehe i got another U/S!! and shes a girl!!! no doubt about it 100% girl, so we have named her Juliana Elizabeth lol im so excited to have my two little girls!

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  sapphire on Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:44 pm

Nika it sounds like you have a really great plan, and I'm so glad for you that you'll be able to stay home and do what you've always wanted! That's wonderful news and I can tell how excited you are Smile/happy Smile/happy Smile/happy
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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Wed Jun 03, 2009 3:56 pm

thanks sapphire Smile/happy

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Lily*Blossom on Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:10 pm

Nika, that is so awesome that you will be able to stay home. I am glad Charles is selling his car. I know it's important to him to have that car BUT.... it shows that he is making a sacrifice for your family, and I think that is wonderful.

You will love being a SAHM.

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  24Penguins on Thu Jun 04, 2009 4:16 pm

thanks tiff Smile/happy im also quite impressed about his willingness to get rid of the cars, i really thought he would put up a bigger fight. i really think hes trying to do everything he can for the family now and not being quite as selfish! hes really been impressing me more and more lately. last night he even got up right when i asked him too, helped me move around some heavy stuff since i cant really anymore lol, and cleaned the catbox without stalling or fighting about it.

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Re: continue working, or become a SAHM??

Post  Lily*Blossom on Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:02 pm

Good! I am glad that Charles is doing better and helping you more.

Also... congrats on the additional ultrasound... I'm glad you found out that you are having a girl. You don't have to buy anything now!!!! Beautiful name you guys picked out as well!!!

xxxxx

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