Really Down Tonight

Well, I've talked about my troubles with my DH before so I guess you are not surprised to see me writing about it again.
We had a huge fight Monday night and haven't spoken since. I tried to talk to him tonight and he said that the past few days have been so great because he didn't have to listen to me. He also said that he's been "dealing" with me for the past 3 weeks..... (I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS.)
I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm resentful. I feel like I have always loved him more than he loves me. He says I have too many expectations of him. Seriously? I mean, am I the only person on the planet that expects a lot from her spouse?
I try really hard to take good care of him. I expect to be taken care of in the same way. I don't feel that I'm being taken care of at all. Sure, he puts a roof over my head and food on the table but it's much more than that.
He used to think I was smart and interesting and beautiful. He used to kiss me like he couldn't get enough. He used to leave me notes on my car, send me flowers, write long letters.
I know that after 10 years of marriage things are not going to be exactly the same but COME ON!!!!!!!!!
Do you know that he didn't do anything for me on my birthday this year until 3 weeks after! He said he didn't have time to do anything....... um, last time I checked my bday was on the same day as always. How crappy!
I don't know. I look at him sometimes and have so much to share with him and then I'll just think to myself, "no, don't waste your breath, he won't care (or understand, or he'll say that I'm being stupid, or he'll rolls his eyes at me, or he'll yell me) You catch my drift.

I'm just so sad because I really feel like I'm witnessing the slow death of my marriage and I want it to thrive. I'm just tired of being the one to try and I'm tired of apologizing for things I didn't do. My mother told me the other day that I just seam so sad and defeated. At the time, I thought everything was fine and I couldn't figure out what she was talking about but I guess this is it. She could see something has changed in me.

And now, I'm raising a son with him. How do I make sure he doesn't grow up to treat his wife the same way?

If my husband read this post right now he would say I'm playing the victim.

I'm so sorry

I don't really know how you can teach your son that his attitude is wrong, other than if he notices something, then discuss it with him? Say that whilst you love his dad, he shouldn't do that.

Sorry I can't be of much use x

Awe Lou Lou I am so very sorry! HUGS!!!!!!!!! I know how you feel because my dh and I went thru something like this a few years ago. He just kinds of came home and said "I don't love you anymore, nothing makes me happy....except Blaine". OK, shock of the day!!!!! I was in school and we didn't see much of each other and i guess it put us apart. BUT, what i did was, i mostly stopped saying "I love you" back to him but when he did something or when i felt like it, i would say it, but i really turned cold when it came to expressing myself. I still would rub his back and talk to him, but it wasn't the same. I am not sure WHAT happened, but about a month later, he came out of it, and sent me flowers at work and the note said "I love you!" After that, we were closer than ever!

Sometimes guys go thru crazy @ss phases! i don't understand it and i hope that your dh realizes what he has with you and comes back around to being the great husband he used to be! YOu can vent here to us anytime! You have my email too if you need me! If you can't find it then just pm me! I would type it on here but EVERYONE in the world can see it and not just our "Family" so i better not I hope you havea wonderful day, and hang in there! My pastor always says we are either going thru a difficult time, on the rise out of one, or headed toward one, so hopefully you are on the rise!!!!! XXXXX

UGH Lou lou, I'm sorry you are going thru a similar situation to mine. My DF feels as though we aren't affectionate enough towards one another and he doesn't feel the butterflies and all the nice stuff that goes along with being in love. I'm really busy with 2 kids, tired all the time and the last thing on my mind is cuddling and having sex. We had quite the talk the one day and it seems like still things have not improved much except for a few things he's been changing about himself. Now he wants me to be closer to him and give him foreplay and all that jazz, but honestly I don't have any desire or drive to do anything at the moment. I honestly think we'd do better apart, but I still love him, he's the one who isn't happy with our life. It almost seems like it's all about him and not me. Like he says at least he comes home at night, well why does he keep bringing that up??? Does he plan on not coming home one day??? I'm really tired of working on our relationship that HE thinks has a problem. I am happy with where I am right now with a 2 month old and a 2 year old, what more can you expect when you have NO extra help. I have no family or friends around to help and so therefore I am exhausted by the end of the day and just like to veg in the evening once Audrey is asleep.

I don't want anyone to reply to this and tell me advice because honestly I don't really want to hear it, but wanted to tell Lou lou that she isn't alone with relationship problems.

Hun, I hope it doesn't end your marriage and I hope you can get some wonderful advice from the ladies on here.

I on the other hand would not be upset if DF left me because then I'd have one less person to have to do things for. I love DF so very much, I do everything for him EXCEPT the romance and sex and stuff, and I would do his laundry, cook his dinner and all that stuff until the day we die, but if he's not happy and I am, then what's the point of living together if HE's the miserable one. I've brought up selling the house many times, but he says he'd leave us here and make sure that everything would be affordable to still have us live here and I told him it wouldn't be that way if he met another woman and then I'd struggle. I would never live in this house, it's too expensive to live here on my own. I am happy with him though, I'm just upset that he isn't....

I am so sorry you are going thru this (((hug))).

I know it really isn't comforting, or advice. But it seems like around ten years alot of marriages go thru this type of problem. I know ours did.

You are a wonderful person, and a wonderful mother. Just make sure you take some time and cioncentrate on you a bit. Do something that makes you happy.


Gutter....... all I am going to say is you have a 2 month old and a 2 year old. You are ENTITLED to be exhausted.

Lou Lou, I know this is late in coming, I only just saw your post.

I am sorry you are going through this. The only thing I can say is that if something is worth having, isn't it worth fighting for? I think that marriage is not a 50/50 but a 100/100 percent. If one person isn't feeding the love in your relationship, then the other person is not going to be happy.

I am sorry about your birthday, that is not right. You are no less important than you were 10 years ago. You don't deserve to be forgotten on your birthday.

I think that where you tend a rose, a thistle cannot grow. Two things can't be in the same place at once. If both parties are nurturing the needs of the other, then your relationship will bloom.

My old bishop once told me that Men need sex to feel validated, and Women need to feel emotionally validated to want to have sex.

Sex is a HUGE part of a guys self esteem. But so is communicating, and feeling spoiled for the woman.

My DH and I have had a rough year. He is literally doing 60 hours of school and 60 hours of work per week. He is exhausted, he never gets a break. He felt for the longest time, that work and school were enough, and that he should get all the sex he wants. He was pretty much ignoring me when he was home. He would surf the internet instead of sit down and talk to me about my day, and just cuddle with me, and have some "us" time. It was hard on me. I still have to remind him that I need that. He feels our sex life is lacking, as in he's not getting enough. We agreed on 3 times a week, and he agreed to be sweeter/more attentive to me. We also plan an activity together (non sexual) every tuesday evening. So far it has helped us connect a lot, and just "have fun", again. We don't go out and pay a baby sitter, we do something at home, whether it's Battleship, cards, or whatever. But NO MOVIES. We do something where we can talk, laugh, and interact. He is realizing that I want to have sex when I feel happy and paid attention to! It's been better so far, but ya we still do have our moments because no marriage is perfect. We are both stubborn and not afraid to speak our minds, and we can hurt each other's feelings a lot. But it is getting better as we both work at it.

Lou Lou, if your DH isn't willing to give you what you need, and you are willing to make all the sacrifices, then something's gotta give. You deserve happiness. I hope you guys can work through this.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey sweety.I am so sorry you are going through this.I am kind of in the same boat with DH although we're going through an 'ok' patch at the moment,when we got in a fight ther other night,hubby said he couldnt wait to go to work on the weekends just to get away.I was hurt and shocked but I also said some pretty mean things and alter he took it back.I ALso crave passion and love and sex and to be cherished sadly I think it's an all to common problem for women,and men really just want to have stuff taken care of and their 'd*** sucked' sorry to be so vulgar but from what I understand its often like that for periods of time.Mayve I',m wrong.Anyway,I just wanted you to know (and obviousl for gutter too) that you're not along.I am sorry I have no great advice.Althoug some of the ladies have written some very nice things.You will probably come out of it,as you have before,I hope you do,I guess there are up's and down.sI am just sorry you are so sad because you are such a sweet and cool person.ALL I would would say is,'hang in there,keep busy and if you're not feeling too resentfull,try to just leave him little notes saying you love him n do little things he can't ignore.I know that's probably the last thing you feel like doing,but in doing that you are covering 3 very important aspects 1) it shows him you still care and he can't deny it,2) it initiates,sweetness and loving which he might or might not reciprocate)3) it might make him realise what a sweety you are and he might remember the things that he adored about you and reignite the embers of the flame that always was there that maybe got overlooked,4) he will have NO reason to call you mean or say you're not trying and 5) he might just start doing it back.' The rest of the time,give him space and be pleasent,there is no point prolonging the fighting and like I said,it'll probably be easier and might be an easier way to make him realise things.

In the mean time,please feel free to PM me or call me I thinkm you have my number,if not I'll PM it to you agian you only need ask.YOu are a beautiful talented,sexy and sweet lady as well as a wonderful morther and wife so please hold on to that and try to keep being that ,don't let his hurtful words affect your mood as much as you can and hopefully he'll begin to appreciate what you do again,I am rooting for you babe xx

Gutter,I wish you well too,hope things work out xxx

I just want to say since as long as i can rember i have been in love with love and want sex all day every day if it was possible lol,I may be in love with love but i have never trusted anybody because i had a lets say roller coaster up bringing when it came to the men in my life my mother has been married 3 times biological father adopted father and step a father (who is still in the picture) my biological father gave me up because he didnt want pay child support (who recently trying come back in my life) and my adopted father well hmm there marriage consist of my mum beating the shit out my father my father begging for her back and me hanging off my mum trying get her to stop.

Just giving u a ruff short version of why i haven't wanted to trust somebody when it came to love.

But my husband was my best friend since i was 14 years old, we got together when i was 16 got married at 19, it was a good relationship till we got married, So not only was i stuck in a marriage that i felt i was the only one who loved i was in a unfamiliar place with no family or friends. And i don't want to get nobody backs up.

But i tried talk to him repeatedly to the point i wanted slap the f**k out of him with his silent treatments like a little child and his blank stares when im pouring my heart and soul out to him telling him how much he is hurting me he hadn't said he loved me in almost two years hadn't kissed me in one year. Sex that we had was with no passion more like as my mother says wam bam thank you mam, Became more of a choir when he wanted it. If i wanted it then i was alone on that one. Then i though f**k it im young yes i was pregnant but not the end of the world because you are heaving / have a child with somebody there are plenty of men out there who will treat you better right? So now i built up the confidence to tell him i don't need him i want him don't get me wrong i still love him but i don't NEED him. I go about doing my own business hanging out with my friends going to work taking care of things i to too take care of not giving a damn if we even speak again, And to my surprise he comes ruining back wanting my attention for a change.

No i realized i don't and never will NEED a man in my life no matter how much i love them love isn't a co dependency or stay around because u don't know if u can get better or if you can go back in to the dating world again. So ladies i know a lot of you are older than me and have more experienced in marriage than me, May even be telling me stfu in your head. But i think when u learn to not NEED that man in your life and it becomes about you things are alot more easier to accept may you be together or not at lest you learn that hey i can be by my self with my children.

I have talked to most you ladies through out this website all during my pregnancy and now after and i know your all beautiful woman very intelligent and very kind if your men cant appreciate that then tell them man up or show them the door!

Gutter- in my opinion u tell your husband god gave him a left hand and made lube for a reason and he should try taking care of two kids all the time n see if he want to (excuse my french haha) lick ur pussy or have sex