A New Road Up Ahead....

DO NOT MENTION ANYTHING ON FB PLEASE!!!

I broke up with DF last night. We have been together over 10 years, but while being pregnant with Jasper things have went downhill.

I even left for a month and a half to find out that I know he will never change and neither will I without moving on with our lives.

DF has always wanted kids and I never did for fear of ending up a single mom in the end. I may have worked this prediction to this conclusion, but regardless, it's not each others own faults. He has a social life now, one that I am not a part of, one that he wants me not to be a part of. His friends don't like me and they don't even knwo me because we have never hung otu with them together. I gave him the decision and he has chosen his friends over me He has only been friends with his friends for only a few years which makes me really upset. He said they treat him better and listen whereas I'm just a controlling bitch according to his friends. I call him when he's gone for longer then he's told me and I'm upset because he RARELY spends time with his kids and spends more time with his friends. He also is closer to his friends kids then our own. He gets angry with me when it takes me forever to pack up the kids when we go somewhere, but all he worries about is himself and doesn't help me with the kids. He is not the father I wanted for my children and he has been the one mentionning having a baby with me since a few months after living together. I'm glad I waited to have my kids and now I'm pretty stable, aside from possibly losing my job.

DF is still with me at the moment, he will finish up the remaining renovations, we will remain friends for the kids sake and he will move out into his own apartment. According to him, this has put a damper on his plans, was not what he was hoping for, but all I've been hearing since the day after I got back from my holidays 'time away' is that he's not sure about us. Well after hearing about his friends not liking me and he still hangs out with them religiously, I have made the decision....it was difficult but in the end I will stop stressing about him (us) and move on with my life and dedicate all my time to my children.

I am upset at the fact that we have not have ANY time together except 2 times since having Audrey and I think that that is our problem. We have no one to look after teh kids while we have OUR time and he's chosen HIS time away with friends and not including me or the kids. So he has chosen his social life over us as a family and I can't be with a man who doesn't put his 'family' first.

Thanks for listening, I need to talk to everyone to help me stay confident that everythign will be alright....

Hey sweety.Sorry I faded away at the end of our conversation,my phone rang.I know this is so hard for you!You are going to be alright though,weather you guys get couple counselling and work it out,or weather you go your seperate ways.You will figure it out.You will because you have to and you have us and your sister to talk to when you need support or advice! hugs,keep talking to us! x

Gutter,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time, but you are so strong and I know you will get through this!! I can't believe that DF is choosing his friends and his friends' kids over you and your children. That is so discouraging and you have every right to feel every emotion you are feeling.
Take care of yourself and just take it day by day.

XOXO

Sorry to hear the news but I hope this is the right decision for you and the kids. You need a life too! My thoughts are with you. ((HUGS))

Thanks ladies!! I am anxious to start my relaxing quiet life of just me and the kids. I can't wait for the days exDF will have with the kids

i too am sorry hun, but i am glad you have made a decision and you can move on . I wish you all the best hun and i am here if you need an ear xoxoxox muxh love

Thanks Sparkles

awh. Gutter. I knew things had been rocky off and on since Audrey was born but I didn't know it was so difficult. I know how hard it must be to make this decision - probably a little scarey to get out there on your own but you are a STRONG woman. I know (from my sister's experience) that sometimes making the decision is the hardest part and once that is done it's a little exciting to think about a fresh start.

We are all here for you. I'll be thinking of you and your family as you make this transition. xoxo

Lou Lou wrote:awh. Gutter. I knew things had been rocky off and on since Audrey was born but I didn't know it was so difficult. I know how hard it must be to make this decision - probably a little scarey to get out there on your own but you are a STRONG woman. I know (from my sister's experience) that sometimes making the decision is the hardest part and once that is done it's a little exciting to think about a fresh start.

We are all here for you. I'll be thinking of you and your family as you make this transition. xoxo

Thanks hun, it means a lot to me Wish I had family or friends around to help me with this, but I can only settle with talking to my friends on here and on the phone. My friend also just broke up with her boyfriend and she was upset because he did it via text message, so we are in teh same boat, mind you they weren't living together, but she just moved a week ago into the same city just for him and now she's broke

I know that you, Audrey, and Jasper will be just fine. You can do bad all by your darn self, and knowing what I know about you, you won't do bad at all. The emotional part will settle, and you'll find that you have way more peace with just you and the kids.

Well I decided to get on here and do a little update.

So the last time I posted, I had broken up with exDF. Well we had gotten back together and tried to make things work, but it didn't end up that way as of over 6 weeks ago. I found messages to 2 girls, one referring me as his looming ex and the other talking about what he did wrong and that he thought he treated her right and she said she was ready for a relationship then and she isn't now...

When I found those messages, I immediately sent them to Holi because I needed someone who could translate them for me. You do not treat the woman you have been with for 10.5 years by talking like that. I also noticed he wanted a private life recently, not allowed on the Iphone, ....and going out to bars a couple times a year with a bunch of ladies and I was never invited (because I don't do bar scenes but still, regardless).

So after I found those messages, I packed up 4 bags of his clothes, woke him up and kicked him out. I may have done it harshly, but it's not right to talk about the person you are suppose to love and calling them your ex (even if we had broken up, it wasn't official since he was still living with me and sleeping with me).

I have compromised with him to make him happy, but that was not enough. Today he recently put the blame on me saying that I didn't trust him in the 10.5 years we've been together and that's what lead him to kissing that girl (oh yeah the girl that didn't want the relationship). I apologized for what I may have pushed him to do, but still told him I hope he finds a woman that trusts him and loves him for him because I am done!!

I am much happier minus the financial burden, travelling with the kids 1.5 hours every day during the week so EX df can look after them while I'm working, but I'm dealing with it.

It'll be almost 7 weeks at the end of this week and I'm much happier and don't want to be with him anymore. I love him and have doubted myself time and time again, but I am too busy with my kids to be bothered by pleasing him 24/7 , the only thing I swear he thinks about. I need a man who will support me and help me in order to give myself time and energy to please my man. EXDF was far tooo lazy and he was just a 3rd child in my eyes!

i actually have been wondering if you were still together, i am glad your doing ok babe. That seems best that your happier and that will reflect on the kids, good on you and i am here if you need an ear xoxoxo

Thanks hun

Gutter,
I have been wondering how you were doing too and how things were going with you guys. I am glad you posted an update to keep us in the loops and let us know how things are going. Good for you for being strong and sticking to what you know is right. It must not be easy, especially financially, but you can do it. And you will find a man who will treat you right and be someone who deserves you and respects you.

Thanks Lindzee.

I wish I had never had children with this man, because he is so immature and makes life much more difficult! I am trying my best and that's all I can do...

Hi Gutter, sorry I am a little late to the discussion. I have had a rough year dealing with my older kids issues, and have been hiding from life in farmville on facebook.

Anyways, I am so proud of you. You have made some very difficult choices, but you are doing what will be the best for you and your children in the long run. I know it will be hard and frustrating short term, but you can do it.

You deserve to be treated so much better by someone who loves you, and after 10 years your choice is to settle or stretch your wings and go for the best you can do for yourself and the kids. Hurray for you to choose life over settling. It is so important for you and them.

Thank you so much Dolly! Sounds almost normal for wives/husbands to deal with their cheating ex. I just don't know how anyone deals with that.

Last night DF went over to a single moms house and got drunk, didn't say much more then that and that he didn't get laid, but all the women here are pretty much gross, so I doubt I'll be taking him back, YAY finally got some answers, because I do want us to work if we could!! Just gotta find the strenght let him be...