Going Insane!!

Right time to finally admit that i just cant do it anymore! being a single parent to 2 very full on boys is hard and i just cant do it.
Their behaviour is shcoking and i have tried everything from the naughty corner, time out in room to smacking their bum NOT WORKING AT ALL!
They are so demanding and throw the biggest hissy fit when they cant get their own way.
Kieran still wont go to bed on his own and needs to be cuddled to sleep then he wakes everynight just after midnight and will not go back to sleep unless he is in my bed and i can not sleep with him as he kicks the hell out of me.
The boys are constanly fighting, i get down and give them so much attention but can not even prepare tea as within 2 minutes i have one screaming at my feet.
As for the bed issues i have tried everything, tried the cleep sense you name it, the first night after 6 hours i had enough and just rocked him to sleep, he is so head strong and will not give up believe me, i even resorted to putting up the cot and putting him back in but he just climbs out.
They do not listen and hit and bite and i feel im shouting at them more than anything. I have tried the reward chart, the praising have read all the books etc but this morning i just broke down and got to the point where i didnt want them anymore (how sad is that? a mother not wanting her own children) but yip that was me, i just wanted to pack them up and send them to their dads for good. I am working nearly full time so thought that they would love the attention when we all got home but nope. they have always been this way its just that its only now i am running out of patients and its all just worked its way up and up and now im ready to blow. What do i do? My ex hubby will not help me as he is in the state of mind i left so i have to deal with it. my partner will help when he can and they are great with him. but its just with me, they are sooo good for everyone else, just not me.
what am i doing wrong?? do they resent me for leaving their dad? i have always had rules i am not a pushover but they are wearing me down, i really dislike them at the moment.
Sorry for the rant, just had to get it all out!!

Any one want my kids.....

Hey sweety.I can sympathise,if you re-read my 'I can't do this anymore post below on page2-3,you will see just how bad it was for Teo.I know it must be hard being by yourself.Who looks after them in the day? do they go to daycare? You will get through this.I promise,it's ok to feel like you feel right now.i t doesn't sound like y ou're doing anything wrong,maybe it's just them adjusting.Do they miss their daddy? how often do they see him? Does your new BF help? I wish I had some more advice,but all I can say is,I'm here ot chat on skype if you need! Big hugs hunnyx you are not the first and you will not be the last single mommy of 2 kids and you WILL make it! love you xxx

Awe i am so sorry they aer making it rough on you! i can relate! There are times that thane drives me up the wall and i just want to beat his little @ss so bad!! i am like JUST PUT ON YOUR F'N DIAPER ALREADY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE A STRUGGLE!!!!??? so, yes i think partly its age, and id unno what else, but i know with kieran for sure he's in his hell bent terrible 2's and i feel for you cuz ive been going thru them for a year. yesterday it was teh car seat, i had to spank him and scream to just get in there and i do feel bad cuz i am yelling a lot but they need it at this age...

i think it will get better, just know you are not alone and all of our kids drive us mad! AND when kieran is ready he WILL go to his own bed Thane just recently in the last 2 weeks started sleeping in his bed on the other side of the house, but he was so excited cuz we played it up so much he was so happy to sleep in there cuz he thought it was awesome granted...he wakes up about 3 am and comes to sleep with me, but wouldnt 6 hours alone work wonders for you? it will happen i also nurse him to sleep still so iknow how that is. they wont be little forever. we will look back and think wow, that was yesterday! its just a small moment in time so i guess we should embrace it and just laugh. HARD to do...but i do feel your frustrations!! XXXXXXX good luck! message me if you need to vent:)

Aww Ginny your a hunny.
Kieran was ALWAYS a good sleeper and has always slept in his own room from day one, its only been in the last few months he has been expecting me to cuddle him to sleep, then i put him in his bed and then he wakes and climbs into mine but he likes to be snuggled right up into my neck and everytime i move he moves with me, its nice BUT i dont get much sleep.
Trust me i have smacked, threatened and YELL and scream, i feel i yell more than anything else, i am trying to be calm and use more of an authoritive voice so far its not working. AND THE BITING!!! when he cant get his way he bites! i just bite him back lol. probably not the best but i know he doesnt like it! i have also started telling them both if they dont pick up thier toys they will go in the fire, well after the 10th time of telling them i followed through and put a couple of wee cars in the fire, my gosh after that i havnt seen 2 kids pick up toys as fast as they did! it worked but im having to actually follow through with all these threats and i hate having to burn their toys but if its gonna work i shouldnt have to burn many more.
they got the train set out yesterday morning while i was getting ready for work, there is about 100 pieces of this thomas train set, i asked them to pick it up at 7.45am at 8am they hadnt even picked up 20 bits my gosh i hit the roof as i had to be out the door with them both at 8.10 so here i am frantically cleaning up their mess, getting shoes on and trying to get them out the door.
its just little things and i suppose i should just stop and take a few deep breaths but its sooo hard and i know its for just a short time but they really need to use their ears, they must have flat batteries. I am so happy its friday and they go to their dads at 4pm! i get them back at 3.30pm tomorro so i am driving an hour away to where my partner is working and am going to stay with him tonight! going for a nice meal out and a few wines have my name on them!!!! bring on the next few hours!

Hey T,just a note on the biting thing...I do know from experience and watching super nanny (LOL) that if you bite/hit/kick/pinch them back for doing it to you,that in their young brain,it just reinforces 'it's ok to do this' they learn mostly by example...The best thing you could do is say (whatever you're doing) 'no!That hurts mummy' and then ,this is the most important part,either put him in time out ( I had a designated zone for Teo because he refused to stay in one spot as well,I put the baby gate on the spare bathroom door,moved everthing so that he couldnt reach it and shut him in there (the door is opbvioulsy open with the gate so you can see/hear them but they are stuck (heheheh!)Anyway,once we got Teo's diet sorted it worked wonders.Before that he destroyed the bathroom,but that's another story LOL!So yeah,back to my point,once he does something mean,you say that and IMMEDIATELY either oput him down and ignore him or put him the time out zone for the same amount of minutes as his age.do not talk to hiim while he's in there,do not yell...just let him do what he does until he is calm in there for 2 minutes and then let him out...the WORST thing you can do to a small child is ignore them(For them,its the worst punishment,worse than a bite or a smack back which to them is just saying (like I said before) 'It's ok to do this coz mummy does it too') Anyway,just wanted to add that.

I understamd it must be SO hard to try and keep your house clean and tidy...with the boys.Is Jessie Reading yet? Teo is starting to and we have a morning and evening checklist...I drew pictures next to the things on the list for him to do every morning and anight...In the morning his responsabilities include:
-making his bed-finding and putting on his clean clothes(that we picked the night before mostly)-staying quiet and not waking the baby until mummy is awake-practiciong reading a book-once he's had breakfast,he has to clear the table of crumbs,shake the matt into the sink and wipe down any smears on the table.Then his evenign list is as follows;
-put away all toys in their homes from today (I only bother with tydying at night because they day they're just going to get messed up again.)-putting dirty clothes in the washing bin-finding new clothes for tommorow-brushing his teeth and then,we have a sunday list which I supervise,but it includes: Pick up all toys,look under all furniture for toys/trash etc..empty trash in his room-put all books back nicely on the shelf-dust all surfaces in his room-vaccum (which I do coz he tried and its too heavy,funny to watch him try though ) -cleaning his bathroom (he used to get pee all around the bottom and floor but since I've been making him clean it,I don't see it)-wiping the sink in there and bringin down all cups/plates should there be any.Now please bear in mind,i TRY to make him do this list everyday,but somedays we both forget.at first it was a struggle but now he knows what he has to do and he does it without complaining.I do not reward him for these things other than to say 'well done!' because I believe that he should learn responsability...

now,here's where I think it could help your two...Whenever Teo does something above and beyond his chores...I pay him,something stupid like 25.c or a dollar if he helps me for a long time.But anythig NOT on his list or in his room,I pay him for.I told him this and explained that he could spend the money on whatever he wants' as long as it's not something dangerous.So far that's been working great...yesterday he picked up the living room and cleanred the diding room table for me,he did a great job and without complaining.I paid him $2 because he worked so well...Maybe you could employ Jessie (at the end of a day,under supervisions) to pick up the toys in the living area..maybe you could make a list.Kids love to check things off,to be proud,to be praised and be able to 'see' what they have done,better still to have something to show for it.I am not suggesting that you pay him tons,like I said,it needs only to be a few pennies (most of us have laying in our purse anyway) and in all of the above there are built in life lessons too.It shows;
-Repsonsabilit-cause and effect-thevalue of hard work=reward,then when they spend their money and it's gone they will be dissapointed but if they learn at a young age that if you spend it,no one's gonna hop in and save you,it teaches them to be responsable and to save their money if they want something.The first time I took Teo to the store with everything he had in his little piggy bank (about $10)we went to the shops and he wanted some chocolate prezzles,I let him get them,but then he wanted a toy,I explained that it was too late,he had spent his money,he thought about it for a long time on the way home and now he has decided he wants to save his money for a wii game...It really makes them think and I believe they 're much less likely to be irrisponsable with money,loans/debt when thye're older if taught at a young age about money.and maybe if you make 'helping mummy' something he knows he will get a reward for,then it will be less of a fight and more of a treat.Also,use a timer...kids LOVE to 'beat the timer' all kids...if you say 'hey boys'' I'm gonna set this timer and if you put all the toys away in 2 mnutes (before it rings) I will give you each a sticker and if by the end of the week you have 5 stickers,I'll take you to buy a (small) toy.It works really well,whatever you do I wish you luck and we ALL scream at our children sometimes,I still do to this day,but one thing I HAVE learned is,it won't get anything done by shouting at them,you have to be clever LOL Anyway babe,sorry I havn't been able to catch you on skype,but I hope I do soon!love you xx

Hi sweetie! I can't even imagine being a single parent with two young boys. You are a wonderful person and mum, and your boys love you. You are doing your best and that is what counts.

I recently saw (on supernanny) that some young boys get so angry that the time out does nothing. So instead of a timed time out in the corner or trying to force them to stay in a chair when they are so upset and angry and physically biting or hurting you or a sibling, the best thing to do is diffuse the anger by just putting them in their room until they calm down. No matter how long it takes. Until the screaming or tantrum stops, no amount of talking or explaining will help because the child is too angry. Try not to have much interaction with them or talk to them at all while they are in their rooms angry. If they come out and are still angry and aggressive, put them back.

As for the getting out of bed. The first time he does it, walk him back to his bed (stay calm) and say "Bedtime darling."

The second time he gets up walk him back to his bed and say "Bedtime."

The third time and any other times after do a silent and calm return to bed. Do not say anything to him.

I also recommend a crib tent for Kieran. They are awesome, my daughter uses one. Some people resort to putting the child into a regular bed when they start to climb out of their cot. It only makes the situation more maddening because they KNOW they can get out. Here is what a crib tent looks like:

http://www.ohdeedoh.com/uimages/ohdeedoh/2008-03-03-cribtent.jpg

As for Jesse, I think he is old enough for a chore chart. This is what my friend just made, I think it's a cute idea. The numbers on the front of each chore are how many times per week my friend is willing to pay to have those things done.



It will be okay. Perhaps have your partner or a friend sit down with the boys and speak to them about their behavior and what is not okay. Let them know (especially Jesse because Kieran most likely follows his lead) that hitting or hurting mommy or brother in any way will not be given a warning, that they will go straight to their room. I'm only recommending that someone else speak to them because you mentioned that they seem to listen or stay calmer around your partner and are having issues with behavior when you step in. I think you should be present when your partner speaks kindly to them about their behaviour for sure, and then you could chime in and reinforce what is said.

Just some ideas. I know you are busy and so tired after work. I hope that things will get better, and obviously I'm not in your situation at all so I may seem like a crazy outsider just trying to help and suggest things, but I want the best for you honey.

One more idea. Make sure that the bedtime routine begins at the same time each day, start to wind down after dinner and make sure they are in bed by 8-8:30 because more sleep really makes a difference. Anyhoo I'm sure you are already doing everything right in the sleep department because you said you were doing sleep sense, etc.

Loves to you and please hang in there an know that we are here to support you.

xxxxxxx

sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
I can relate on some level too. Owen has been refusing to nap - screaming, kicking, biting. It IS awful and I can only imagine how taxing it must be to have to do it alone.
I'm not sure what the answer is but I want you to know that you are not alone.
I've also done my sharing of spanking, time out and unfortunately, yelling. I always feel so bad!
I just keep pushing through. Reminding myself that he is TWO and I am THIRTY TWO. That I can control myself and he can not. It helps some. Also - I do time out in the high chair! That way, he can't get down!!!! I put him in it, turn it to the wall, set the timer and leave the room!!!!!

keep us posted!!!! I'll be thinking of you!

I've been having a difficulty with Audrey lately, I think terrible 2's offiically since she's got all her teeth now. I can sooo relate when enough is enoough and nothing works. Just keep being strong and don't give up!!! We do time outs on a chair and we count to 3 for her to get there and if not, she goes up to her bedroom. She's been playing at bedtime now too, took her poopy pull up off and got it all over her bed. Won't leave the potty because she insists on needing to pee/poo. It's just her way to stay awake later then normal. It gets old fast, just hard to keep them in their room when yu want them to go to the potty on their own.

Anyways hun, hang in there, see if you can get some time away, or put them in their room while you recharge your batteries. Being a single parent isn't an easy job, even having a partner and children isn't an easy job, no one ever said it was easy, UNLESS they have the help all the time..

Love ya!
xx