Need to Vent :(

Ok..so its 920, i have a MASSIVE headache...I am exhausted, stressed out, upset, and I hate life right at this moment. Thane is sick as some of you know...he has strep and is just really not well yet..hes fussed and fought all day and i am so tired i could die. NOT to make things ANY better but Ray said he is about sick and tired of boo and thane is WAY to old blah blah f*cking blah, tired of him being in our bed, its no longer at 3 am where i get half the night in peace...no its all night every night for the last month i don't know what is wrong but i am at my wits end.

I told ray i am not going to be able to just say "ok no boo today" i want it to be slow and only night nurse for awhile...well thane got to nurse on demand while he was sick and OMG what a FN mistake! HE HAS CRIED ALL DAY LONG SAYING "MOMMY PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!" and doesn't understand what is wrong and why he can't have it..i mean HELLO its been 20 months here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I have tried so hard to not give in...i gave him boo for night night like i said, and i put him down in his play yard, he woke up....screaming MOMMY!!!, so i left him for 10 minutes and went in there. i then rocked him...(ray is watching nascar...of course, even if he TRIED thane wants just about NOTHING to do with him anyway ) and he fell asleep, so i take him the playyard again...he wakes up before i even put him down SCREAMINGi in horrible agony - MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So for 5 or so minutes i lay down in my bed beside him and ignore him...he won't stop crying!!!!!!!!! MY HEAD IS FN KILLIN ME!!!!! SO, I GET UP AND ROCK HIM AGAIN - NO BOO - BUT ROCK....he goes to sleep but keeps openening his eyes to make sure i am there...well i put him down again and he stands straight up screaming mommy again!!!!!!!!!! BY THIS POINT I AM LIKE "F*CK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IN MY BED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I do NOT tell him that...cuz he is a baby and he wants to be close to me, but i think it very strongly andlay him in my bed....so now he is sleeping comfy in my bed by himself....i guess he THINKS i am there.

So, i screwed up...i try to be a good mom, but i have F'd up royally with nursing for too long, trying to be the best mom i can be and make him happy, and letting him sleep with me. There, i said it. Now i have to tell ray that not only did he get boo, but he's in our bed. My life sucks and i hate it right now. I can't help it that ray is sick of thane having boo and that he is tired of him being in our bed - WTF am i supposed to do!??!?!?!?!?! WHEN HE GETS UP AND WANTS BOO AND CRIES WHO THE F IS GONNA HAVE TO ROCK HIM, SING TO HIM, DANCE AN F'N JIG!?!?! ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cuz he ONLY wants me! I know I did so many things wrong already and he is not even 2. God help him for the rest of his life

Oh sweetie!!!!!
You are a WONDERFUL MOTHER!!!!!! There is a reason why Thane loves you so much - it's because YOU love HIM so much!!!! We moms have a bond with our children that is undeniable. You have done nothing wrong. You have always done what you believed to be right for Thane. Don't doubt your decision makeing process!!!!!!!
I think that until Thane is totally well it will probably be difficult to break any habits. I think it may be best to wait until he's completely well before you start any new routines. Also, it may be better to wait until next weekend..... like Thursday night..... that way maybe you'll just be tired for work one day instead of the whole week! Hopefully by Sunday night things will be going a little better.

Question..... when you try to put him down...... was he still sleeping somewhere in your room? Does he have his own room? It may be easier to just make the switch to his own room too. I dunno.

As far as Boo goes - there's nothing wrong with how long you have nursed your son. I think it's wonderful that you were able to keep it up for so long. I think he uses Boo as comfort - does he have a favorite stuffed animal or blanket? Maybe you could start offering that with Boo and then slowly just offering the toy...... Owen has recently become very attached to an elephant we call "Baby"..... just a thought.

Hang in there! I know it's hard when you feel like all the responsiblity falls on you.

love you!!!!!

you are NOT doing anything wrong! There is absolutely nothing wrong with nursing for 2-3 years! Nor with co-sleeping for years. Boo is the best thing for them. It's got more nutrients and is the perfect food for him to help fight off the strep! I plan to nurse Wesley until he weans himself. You are *not* a bad momma and you are not doing anything wrong! The western world is the only place where we try to force our kids to be "independent" and sleep in their own rooms. There's no harm and much good in providing support and loving care for your children - which helps build confidence and independence, because they know you're there for them.

Check out the La Leche League forums. if you register there, they have an entire forum dedicated to nursing beyond one year. They'll probably have support and information you can counter Ray's arguements with. Just know you're doing the right thing!

Thank you lou lou!!!!

Thane's room is way on the other side of the house and i am really scared for him to be that far away I know it shouldn't bother me, but i don't like the thought of him being so far...blaine isn't in his room eithe...hes in the living room since thane was born but he's not here except wed and ever yother wekeend during school.

I talked to ray about and basically just cried really bad. I said i dont want him mad at me, but i dont want to ruin thane or hurt him either!!!!!!!! He said that he think that thane doesn't want anhything to do with him hardly cuz he's a "titty baby" kinda crappy thing to say...but who knows!? IS IS TRUE????


Usually i lay down with thane in my beda nd nurse him to sleep then move him to his playyard, where'd he'd sleep til midnight or 3 am. lately he just nursses and stays there all night. i get the most sleep cuz he's right there. when he wakes up at like 3 or so, he wants boo, so i give it so my @SS can go back to sleep!!! i work every day and im freakin exhausted!!!!!!!!

Thane actually has a kitty cat that he LOVES and he holds him while he nurses. He takes kitty cat everywhere what kills me is for naps with the sitter he is PERFECT! he will rock to sleep she lays him down...she's done. WTF am I DOING WRONG!?!?!?!

Thank you Lou Lou, you are very sweet and I really needed to vent. I am stuck right now between my son and my husband, and that IS NOT a good place to be Not when it comes to this for sure

Thank you and i love you too

Oh and thank you myste too! I just saw your post I acutally am registering with LLL right now as a matter of fact because I am miserable trying to wean him. I had hoped we were going to 'talk' about it when thane turned 2 and me and him could decide it was time. I know ray is tired, as am i, and i am sure he misses the old days before kids...BUT I love him and i know he loves me, and we BOTH love thane more than anything! so everything will work out, i am jsut so tired.I apprecaite the support!! XXX Thank yoU!!!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there Ginny. When Thane gets better and you get rid of that headache things won't look near so bad. You know you are a good mom, and even if some of it is done for your convenience at 3 am - so what?

Lucy is in our room. Not our bed, her own. I have been afraid to move her to her own room. It is half way across the house, and I worry the older kids might sneak in there from their rooms. I also worry because it is right by the front door. And I worry about what if there was a fire. Needless to say I worry about alot of things which is why she is still in our room.

It's just easier for the sitter because boo is totally out of the equation there. They have their routine down, but there is never any possability of boo so he doesn't get worked up over it.

Does Ray make time to play with Thane, direct one on one time? Times when Kirk spends more time with Lucy she wants much more to do with him. And even though she doesn't nurse she still wants her mam over her daddy any day of the week -- there goes Ray's comment about Thane still nursing causing it.

Don't be so hard on yourself!

Hun, well first of all well done to you for nursing for so long, you only want to do the right thing for your baby and I can totally sypathise with the bringing to bed part. You don't want to hurt your baby's feelings, but like I have also realised lately, they understand a whole lot more than we think and ARE capable of manipulating us to get their own way. I think the ONLY way you can help this is by Ray getting more involved with settling him as he obviously can't make the boo connection with him. By the sounds of things though, he doesn't sound very co-operative. Maybe get him to spend more time with Thane in general, just Daddy and Son time so they can build some kind of bond. I know it's hard but Thane doesn't need boo, he wants boo just like a child with a pacifier and I think the only way is to just be firm with him. At the end of the day, like princess longbottom said to me, you are giving him a precious gift by teaching himself to sooth himself to sleep! I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've been going through the same thing trying to get Molly out of our bed recently.

Hey hunny!I got your text last night and was sad for you but couldn't repsond coz I was at the Charlotte blues,booz n bbq festival with my hands full

Anyway,I am sorry things are so hard right now.I think what's going on is normal with you an Thane,you want to do the best by him while also still having that closelness that nursing brings.No one can tell you when it's time,you could go on breast feedinf him till he's three,four,five,eight....beyond,I think the question you should ask yourself is,who needs it more now? Is it him who would have a problem letting go or do you secretly want to keep him a baby ,I am not criticising you if you do,because most mother who think they're not going to have anymore babies,even subconsiously do things to keep their youngest (or only) as 'baby' ish a spossible,holding onto bottles longer than need be,or pacifiers,or again sleeping in the same room for closelness.I totally feel you and it's a very hard thing to do,there is a fear there as well.A fear of what will change after nursing or he moves into his own room.

He has such a beautiful room Ginny,I understand that it is far away from yours,but I have some little points to make that you could maybe consider using as a way to help you get used to the idea?One thing is for sure,I also understand Ray,I would want my intimacy back,the bed space,his wife,being able to reach out for her without there being a little person stuck to her all the time LOL. And of course the constant being woken up makes anyone grouchy,most of all YOU.(((hugs)))

Ok,so here's some suggesitons;

One,I would say,i think Thane should get used to being in his own room at some point,he IS strong willed and the longer you wait,probably the harder it will be for both of you,the pack n play thing can't be very comfortable the boigger he gets,he's got a beautiful room and also it would allow you to sleep more peacefully.He would learn a little independence and learn to play by himself in his crib with his toys and perhaps become less clingy,I know you tell me he's always running after you never giving you a moments peace,it's NOT your fault,but has he ever had a chance to know anything else?You know he WILL nap by himself without boo coz he does it for Jamie.With you ke KNOWS he can pull your heart strings and work you coz you're his mamma and you love him so much.Same with the nursing,I kind of agree with Ray,Tia-li was the same,of course I wouldnt have used the words that he used "titty' honestly! LOL You have to laugh coz he's so silly! But,Tia-li would not even bother with Chuck,or anyone else for that matter while I was nursing,hey they get drink/food and hugs/comfort all in one,why go somewhere else,now they are WAY close and she squeals with excitement when she see's her daddy.Anyway,above all you are aWONDERFUL beautfiul kind mother.None of this is 'your fault' or anyone elses,I just think you get kinda stuck in a situation because of one thing (ilness) and wanting to do the tright thing then you sufer the consequences.Anyway,here's a list of "fors' and 'againsts' Maybe give you some stuff to think about. I'll start with the againsts because we can then finsih on positive

Againts

*Thane will probably cry a lot during this transition from your room to his room and make you feel bad but you would have to tough it out.
*You may have a few REALLY slepless nights
*You're going to have to get used to not having him next to you all the time
*You're going to have to 'let go a little'
*Thanes room is far away from yours


Fors

*Thane will becoming a LOT less clingy (I think) once he learn that he is not attatched to you physically,when he has his own room,he will start playing byhimself in his crib and probably sleeping better
*He will become less clingy when your around the house when he a) knows he sleeps in his own space and b) doesnt have Boo anymore
*He will probably (after the intial adjustment period) allow Ray to do more for him,giving you more breaks
*He will not be waking you up all night for boo
*You and Ray get more couple time
*He will probably enjoy having a routine and his ownlittle zone
* He will not wake up a million times a night (I bet you)

Ok,so if I were you in the exact same situation (married to your hottie hubby too ) Kust kidding! Here's what I would do;

I would not try and give up Boo abruptly like you said,it isnt called weaning for no reason BUT at the same time,I don't think it ought to take a LONG time(if you want to give up) you just have to stick to your own rules through whatever may come,I know he has been sick so that did not help you.When tryin to give up ANY addiction(and for babies it IS their addiction),one of the things to help is to remove any habbits or places,things associated WITH that addiction,in Thanes case,he always has boo in your room,always in your bed and always throughout the night when he is tired or upset. So What I would do it,spend an afternoon in his lovely room,just dusting,cleaning it out,changin his little crib sheet,staking all the stuffed toys off the lovely rocker that you dont use and (is the guest bed still there?if it is good more about that in a minute) Go to babies r us and buy one of those baby moniters with a camera so that you can SEE him they are not that expensive and it wil help you a lot I think wit your worry at first.

So,rooms all ready,you got the baby moniter and what I would do then,you AND Jamie,for the next week, is start putting Thane down for his naps (great that he loves the cat,put it in there with him) start rocking him (still giving boo in your case) in HIS room.Just start hanging out in there with him,even when it's not bed time,give him a little snack in there,read a book,give boo(till you wean him down a little).Rock him in the chair give him boo in the chair so he starts to associate boo with the rocker,don't give it anywhere else in the house,make it boo chair.He'll catch on quick I promise and then he'll have a positve association with that room.So,he may fihght it a little at first but if Jamie is doing it too he probably won't fight as hard,so you'll have himm for a week or so,taking naps only in his crib in HIS room and ALL nursing (in the morning and evenings) in HIS room.once he knows that he will probably start leading the way to his rom when he wants boo,you're going to have to be strong about saying no to boo when you're out and about the house and try distraction,'hey Thane you want your sippy' or "hey lets go read story with your sippy."

once he's taking his naps in there,I would wait until a weekend so you can afford to loose some more sleep,and I would give him his bath,rock him in his rocker ,give him boo and put him in his crib just like for his naps,he should be used to it by now.Now what follows is going to have to be a training process for you and him,he may cry,may ask to get out,but if you let him get his way,it'll show there's no consitance and he will know to manipulate it when he wants out.It might be hard,but as super nany sais 'consistence. You can do what she does with her parents who have kids who have always slept in the bed with the parents,een though they have their own room. She tell themt o put the kids in their rooms,and then sit with them,no talking after the intial good night and no eye contact.Eventually the baby/older child will fall asleep,they may wake up,they may cry,in fact it usually takes 3 night,the first night,they may wake up a million times,the second night,maybe 20 or so and the third night,they'll either sleep through or wake up maybe a couple of times and go right back to sleep.it doesnt take long,but once they've done it,it's done.Kids learn very quick if you stck with somethin,but if they sens ethat you doubt and are upset,then they'll play up and work it more. Ok,so thats what "I" would so if I was in your shoes right now,just my opinion.

You are lucky with Thane because he can't get out of bed yet so he wont keep coming out of bed and getting you like the older kids LOL.Anyway,if I were you this is what I would do,I would still lkeep giving booo but only as a bed time thing and only in his room after he's sleeping in there.You'll have the baby moniter so you can see and hear him,although it might be better NOT to hear him at first from all the crying to stop yourself going to him.I am SO sure this would work Ginny,I know it will be hard,but if you can get through the 2-4 days of him crying (and he may not,once he's napping in there anyway he may be just fine and not cry at all) then he'll be golden.he won't hate you,he wont think( and no one here thinks) that you are a bad mummy!You are a great mummy,the hardest thing to do is let go!But throughout their lives (in my opinion and experiece) we spend all of the first part of their lives seeing mile stones pass us by,and letting go of little things,BUT they make way for new ones,talking replaces crying,walking replaces crawling,independence replaces independence. It is SO hard,but neccesaary for kids to learn how to do things on their own,be it fall asleep (you cant be there at college to give him boo n rock him ) or feed themselves,or read or learn to drive.

These are all bitter sweet but weather we like them or not,they have to happen. I think also sometimes kids are far more ready for things than we want them to be or let them be.For example Teo is five and has been swimming in our pool with a life vest sort of thing,he wants badly to swim but I have been afraid to take it off because he choked once in the water ( a year ago) So I was so shocked the other day to see my son,unzip his life jacket and right before my stunned eyes,watch him jump into the water and swim towards me.not only did I knot think he was brave enoguh,I didnt know he actuallu COULD.I was choked up but so proud and then later,was thinking 'maybe I was just holding him back too long it's so hard to know whats right,I do sympathise with you on that,but as for boo,you have done the very best by him,I am not saying you SHOULD quit boo,if I were in your shoes though,I would deffintaely think it's important for him to sleep in his room now,and you know from having Tia there that you CAN here them crying from the other side,that along with the video moniter would give you enough reassurance I think,also I mentioned the bed ealier,if he ever got sick or you just didnt feel right leaving him in ther alone at night just yet,you could stay in there for a little while.I am sure Ray might have something to say but as long as it's a transistion process and not a permanent arangement then I am sure he would understand.Another supernany tip is to sit by their bed on a chair,then graduallly with each night,move the chair closer to the door,eventually out in the hallway so they can see you,as they fall asleep,again with no eye contact or talking once night nights are done.So there you have it,thats my opinion and my advice. I kknow it's hard and sympathise,but you are doing SUCH a great job,you're a great mummy and I love you very much,I hope I havnt come off too bossy or preachy,if I have then pleasse just ignore it.But know that I love you all with all my heart n miss you lots! You'll get through this,its' up to you how n when xxx

Thank you DM and Emma!

I appreciate your comments and I know that you are right in so many ways! I am like you DM, and I am afraid of a fire, plus Thane's room is by the back door where someone tried to break in a few years ago..we'd never hear it! So, yes I know scary...

Ray would definitely help me, and he does try to make time for thane and they go outside when he gets home from work, but its frustrating cuz every time he tries to do something thane screams for me.... oh well. i will figure out something! thanks ladies!!!!!!!!

Oh and I meant to add,as for the fire,thing I understand that too,best thing you could do is install fire alarms (2 independant of each other) check the bats often and whats the stop you having a little security alarm on the back (and front) door?You can get it for not very much every month and it helps the rates of your house insurance go down too so all in all it wouldnt be so much 'an expense' and you would feel better having the peace of mind.Also Blaine is back there a lot too hugs x

Ginny, i have no advice but you support me so much I just wanted to know that I'm here for you too! Sounds like all the other moms have given you great advice though.

For what it's worth, my mom once commented that she had a terrible time weaning me, so see, problems like this have been going on for a long time! You're far from the first (hope that sounds comforting, lol).

Awww Ginny (((HUGS)))

Can I just say one thing....


YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM TO NURSE YOUR SON FOR SOOOOO LONG AND WANT NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR HIM!!!!

Now for the difficult part...

Any sort of weaning will take days of pure hell Like when Audrey was 9 months I took away her pacifier, about 72 hours of pure hell. Now that Thane is sooo aware of what's going on , you cannot give in!!! He is getting to the stage, you have to keep telling him that no more, there's no more (or slowly wean him as he gets used to a sippy cup, don't know if he can use a sippy cup, but if so then you shouldn't be worried about him getting dehydrated) I'm not a pro, don't know what it's like, but all I can say is that you have to be firm and enough is enough and especially if it is interfering with your marriage and him sleeping in bed, which is unfortunately another thing you'll have to wean him from

You aren't the only parent going thru this hun....just remember that!!! Be strong, you'll do fine!!!

Ginny, do you have a monitor so you can hear what's going on in Thane's room, maybe that would give you soem peace of mind? Our's is really sensitive so I know it would pick up anything but I understand why you are scared. I won't even allow the bathroom window to be open, it's next to Molly's room, as I am scared someone will climb in and take her or something. My husband usually secretly opens it in the night so the house doesn't get too warm. Hope you sort something out soon. Actually, it's nearly been a week and things are getting so much easier with Molly. Although I allowed her into bed last night as she is poorly with a cold and couldn't breath properly and so I was really worried. I'm so glad to have my bed back especially with feeling so sick as one night her fidgeting was so bad it made me throw up.

Thank you so much for your support everyone!! I have talked to Ray some about it, and we are just gonna go slowly Actually, while we were talking...Thane rocked HIMSELF in the rocking chair and now he's asleep LOL He's so cute! We could hear him singing and the next thing we knew his little eyes were closed. he is still holding his truck HAHA!



So that is great news that he CAN put himself to sleep, rocks himself to sleep actullay LOL

Ray also gave him his bath and turned on Backyardigans for him and that's what wore him out! I mean, i don't want it to sound like ray is some POS that doesn't help cuz that is NOT true...i just frustrated cuz usually once thane starts screaming MOMMY ray gives him to me. i think just now he thoguht i was gone so that's why he rocked himself. So, i wonder if maybe everynight i should nurse him and tell him i love him and then go take a shower by myself while ray rocks him and puts him to bed...that's an idea...i'll keep you all posted! thank you!

I still know i have made so many mistakes, but that is gonna happen i guess... XXXX

Angel,
Either I'm just way too sappy, or you're truly talented with words(let's go with the latter, shall we). I sat here crying reading your advice to Ginny. And while I have no new advice for you Ginny, I do hope you are able to take some of the things that Angel suggested. We as mommies try and make the best decisions for our kids to keep them happy and safe. We make most decisions based on emotions, while daddies are more practical. When we were "weaning" Jayden from waking up in the middle of the night, if it weren't for DF(and the dr, if I may be totally honest), I would not have been able to take her soulful crying the middle of the night. You could not make me believe that she was not starving when she woke crying for a bottle. But, the dr said that her weight charts looked good, and that her waking up was more from habit and for some comfort than anything else. Yeah, it sounds good, until they cry forever and you can't take it anymore. But, as selfish as I may sound, my sleep needs(for my 12 hour work shifts) were more important than one or two bottles during the night. And it worked, she stopped waking up, and did not lose weight because of it. Now, she'll sit in her bed for over an hour and talk to herself(my baby's not crazy y'all). Is she still clingy sometimes to just me, YES!!! Does she prefer me to anyone else in the house, YES!! But she is also independent(almost to a fault). I really think their biggest job in life is to test us(just ask parents of preteens and teens). Thane will find something else to test your patience and tolerance with. You are his beautiful and constant source of routine that he prefers over anything else. BUT, he will get over it, and find something else, and still prefer you over anyone else(although he'll tolerate them better though ). I wish for you peace, happiness, and lots of future "2 people in a bed(over 4 feet tall people)" sleep.

And remember, we will NEVER judge you. We may offer a different take on things, or give our opinions, but NEVER judge you. Cause we know just how great of a loving momma!! you are. (We also know that we can't throw stones either, cause we're not anywhere near perfect in our own momma decisions). Take care

Awe! Mscherry that made me cry!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!! It is so hard right now knowing what is right and wrong!

Thane doesn't eat much at all and of course that worries me beyone belief!!! he is so tiny that for the longest time I was nursing just so he'd get some freakin calories!!!!!! Now, i know its not the calories or the hunger at about midnight...it is at about 5 am but not midnight. midnight he's pacifying... he is still in the recliner ya'll how cute!


but anyway, thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your support...being a mommy is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard sometimes!!!!!!

XXXXX

[quote="mscherry42"]Angel,
Either I'm just way too sappy, or you're truly talented with words(let's go with the latter, shall we). I sat here crying reading your advice to Ginny. quote]

Thanks you ms cherry you are very sweet~

Ginny,I think the shower thing is an EXCELLENT idea,thats kind of what I was tyring to suggest to you when I came to stay,maybe just step away while he cries and let ray take care of it,it may be easier for him.And in the shower you don't have to listen to him crying,maybe stay in there till Ray comes n gives you the ok,I deffo thinik the routine thing will help,I know you don't want him away from you ,but I honestly think it's the only way you will all (including him) sleep through the night,no matter who rocks him to sleep if he keeps waking up becaus eyou are there and he wants you,it's going to be hard to ignore while hes crying in your ear and you'll end up giving him in and picking him up just to keep him quiet n not disturb Ray! but I meant to also say earlier in your repsonse to 'I know I screwed up' You Have NOT screwed up,not at all,none of this is unfixable hunny.You are a great mum,like Ms cherry said,none of us will judge you,we all make errors of judgement,but the ONLY way to parent is by doing it as you go alone,you can have aplan but with children sometimes things just fall by without us noticing or because they are easier that way

I love you hunny,glad you talked to Ray,you will do whats right for all of you!

xxx

Some of the things that Holi and MSCherry have said or written truly are lovely. Hope all goes well Ginny, keep us updated. AFM Molly cried to sleep again tonight but it wasn't for too long. I was heartbroken but I know it's the right thing now.

Wait till your kids stop crying at night, but climb out their beds and sleep on the floor behind their closed door(otherwise, we'd probably wake up to total destruction). Don't think it gets easier, it just changes......

Hi Ginny sweetie! I'm so sorry that this whole situation has been rough on you. Here are my thoughts.

You are exhausted. You work full time during the day and you are up a lot at night. Sleep deprivation never made anyone happy. You have every right to feel upset and frustrated. You and your husband are disagreeing on the weaning and where Thane should sleep. You are trying to come to a compromise. You feel you have made mistakes.

I feel the same away about making mistakes. I KNOW there are certain things I will do differently with our next child. I wouldn't call our learning process as mothers mistakes. We are just learning what works, what doesn't, and what is best for us and our children.

LM has a spare queen sized bed in her room. I slept next to her there for the first 7 months of her life. I was too afraid to leave her alone in her own room. Her room is down the hallway from ours, it is right next to a noisy loud parking lot. I was always freaking out because I worried that if robbers came into our apartment complex, our apartment would be the one they would pick because it is close to the entry gate, and right by the parking lot. I was too freaked out to sleep in a separate room from her. My husband missed me. He wanted me there next to him in bed. Both of us were never comfortable with her sleeping in our bed with us. We are both tall and we have a queen sized bed and there just isn't room for a baby between us. So the solution was me sleeping with her separately in another room. DH missed me. He wanted me back with him. I was tired of LM waking up for a bottle because she knew I was there, she heard me and could smell me. When I finally made the decision to get a baby monitor, put her in her crib, and move into my bedroom with my husband, I was a WRECK. I was worried all the time. I was sure LM would wake up constantly and be scared because I wasn't there with her. She did wake up for me the first few nights. I knew she did not need a bottle every 4 hours anymore. So I chose a time during the night that I would feed her, and I did not go to her at any other time. She cried a lot, but eventually I was able to cut out one of her feedings, and she started waking only once between 2-4 a.m.

Then she started standing. She started playing a stupid game where she would throw her pacifiers out of her bed and cry for them. She HAD to be rocked to sleep because if I put her in her crib awake, she would not lay down and sleep. I was a slave to this child's sleep habits. I was spending sometimes an hour for EACH nap (she was taking two still at the time) rocking her to sleep, and another hour at night. 3 hours rocking her. 3 hours that I could be spending sleeping, or cleaning, or spending time with my husband. The solution?? I got a crib tent. It was the best decision I ever made. I zip her up after I lay her down, and she goes to sleep because she has no other choice. I don't have to worry about her climbing out of her crib, or rocking her to sleep. We have a routine which we do before naps and night time sleep. We read a story while we rock in the chair, then she helps me turn off her light. Then I lay her down, cover her up, and say, "night night, mommy loves you."

We do all of her pre-bedtime soothing in her room. Her story, her jammies, everything. She KNOWS it's bedtime then.

I finally just told myself that teaching her to fall asleep unassisted is a gift and an important skill that she needed to learn. Just like swimming or riding a bike. We are all afraid that our children might fall or be very scared when learning to swim or bike ride. We stand by and let them cry it out until suddenly, swimming is fun. Biking is fun, even though there's a risk of falling off. It is scary to let our children learn these things for themselves, and we feel especially guilty because we know we could stop the swimming lesson or the tears from being afraid of riding the two wheeler bicycle. But we let them learn because we love them. Parenting is all about teaching our children how to do things for themselves and become strong, independent individuals.

I don't even necessarily think that you need to stop nursing Thane altogether. Just decide that you will only go to him once at night. I think that although it will be scary and confusing at first, and there will be tears.... letting him sleep in his own room, in his own comfy crib is just what he needs. He will be happier and so will you and Ray. You will all be sleeping better. A well rested family is a happy family.

You could also get one of those baby monitors that allows you to see Thane on camera. It has infrared and works in the dark.

Fire alarms are good as well, it would put your mind at ease about a fire.

Also a crib tent. Walmart online has a really good one for $59.00. You wouldn't worry about Thane climbing out of his crib and falling or something.

Also, put Thane down to nap in the same place he will sleep for night time. Letting him sleep in different places will make the transition more difficult.

We love you. Sleep off that headache. It will all be okay.

xxxxxxx

Love you honey.

Awe thank you Tiff!!!! Everyone has been so sweet! Thank you so much for hte long post! Wow, that makes me feel very special cuz its hard to find time with al ittle one to get on the computer at all! Thank you very much. You have some very good ideas I just hope i can be strong enough to TRY some of them. I wish i didn't work cuz if i was home with him all day, the night time wouldn't really matter, and i may actually WANT time away from him but, i work all the damn time and that makes it hard too....mommy guilt there also oh well, that's life!

Thank you very much for your sweet comments, and wow you have some great ideas everyone!!! I just hope it works! I have the MOST anxiety about him being in his own room, cuz Blaine was in our room (IN CASE RAY FORGOT...) til he was 2.5 AND his room was right next door...so it sux to kick thane out a year early since blaine had us all to himself for that time..oh well..sorry! but anyway, i will talk to ray some more and see if we can have some cooperation here and a game plan.

Thank you all so much for your ideas!!!

Oh and ps..yes i DO have the baby monitor with the camera and its on my nightstand and never been used...

Love you all!

Whew! I am SOOOO glad I missed that!!!!!

I nursed Thane about 730 and I tried to get him to go to sleep cuz he was sooo tired. And I nursed him then gave him to Ray. I could hear him screaming as I got in the shower "MOMMY! MOMMY!" Ray said it was HORRIBLE but in the shower i couldn't hear it. He said Thane's voice was hoarse and he was miserable OH HOW GLAD I AM I MISSED IT!!!!!!!! But, ray is rocking him now and he's asleep...just a few more nights of Ray rocking him and I think we will be ok Pray for us please. We need it. I know that was so hard for ray too to have to hear him cry so badly

He also took Thane outside to play on Ray's old skateboard earlier and Thane loved being outside with him! usually its all 3 of us, but i watched them quietly out the window. it was really cute seeing them play BIG difference than with me...when ia m out ther ei am making sure he's not getting hurt, when ray's out there he plays a lot more!!

And thane and ray took a shower and that worked out well, i am really pushing more daddy involvement cuz i think that would be easier for us. Pretty soon, surely to GOODNESS thane will be happy to have daddy rock him. Get his boo from mommy, then when he's still awake give him to daddy. That's my plan anyway...

Holi where r u!? not on msn dangit! XXXXX Think of us everyone please!!!!!!!!!! MAN THIS IS SOOOOO HARD

awe thank you nicki!!!!! XXXXXX that was so sweet of you!! I really appreciate your kind words. I can hear him right now coughing and ray is still rocking him. i think he is coughing from having cried so bad :'( Poor baby!!! But i am hoping he sleeps well tongiht. poor little guy. he just doesn't know thank yoU!!!!!!!