HUSBAND TO GIVE AWAY - FREE TO ANYONE, IM TURNING LESBIAN

Take him take him take him!!!! Ive seriously had enough of males, im turning gay! lol :angry:
I have had a fucking gutsful of him! im over the bullshit and cant take it much longer, i try to be nice and am keeping my mouth shut around him as i dont want to fight while the kids are in the house, but everythime i try to talk to him its just useless, like i might as well be talking to a fucking brick wall!
tonight has just topped it off, i bathed Kiers, me and kiers have a bath together, its our play time, anyway, DH comes and gets him out and dresses him for bed and has a wee play with him before i get out to feed him. So he was getting him dresses and kiers hasnt been himself today, hes been very grizzly, so of course tonite he was grizzling while Dh was dressing him, i was getting his bottle ready and about to get the lact-aid all set up and DH just walked out saying, I cant fucking take this screaming anymore, its just fucking bullshit, in a pissed off tone, so here is Kiers screaming at the top of his lungs coz his father was yelling, so i gave him a big cuddle to clam him and just gave him a bottle instead of the lact-aid. I mean he had only been home an hour, he only spends 1.5hours with the kids a day as he leaves at 5am and gets home at 6.30pm. This is part of the reason i dont want to leave the kids with him as he has a short temper. he never trys to calm Kieran just gets shitty and walks out. i feel like a solo mother.
Other things that are going on, sorry but i need to get it all out as i cant take it anymore. i dontcare if anyone reads it i just need it off my chest!
he doesnt let me have anything to do with the finances, i couldnt even tell you how much is in our bank account or what our mortgage is. He checks the bank account online everyday, i dont know the password so i cant, but he will ask me for example what did you spend $20 on at the shop? ill say that i got some ciggys, he says but they are only $14 where is the other 6, i have to explain where every last 10cent piece goes. I dont have my own money as im a stay at home mum. When we got together he owned his house, a queen bed, 2 tallboy drawers, a cheap fold out couch and tv, plus fridge and washing machine. thats all, i moved over with my furniture, a lounge suite, 2 bdrm suites, 2 tvs, new fridge freezer. washing machine, dryer, computer, dinig suite, i had left school got a job and set up a 2brm flat with furniture, got it all brand new and paid for it myself. anyway since we have been togther we have replaced all of our things with new stuff, we sold all the old stuff bit by bit. But as we sold it, we used the money for other bills etc and we got new stuff with HIS money so apparantly everything in the house HE has paid for and the only thing i own is the computer! I had a car too which i crashed and got insurance money for it and he wanted this and that so he used this money, then got me a car half the cost of my insurance payout, keeps replacing my car with shit cars and now im looking at new cars well second hand new, and its got to be something HE likes as its not MY car its his, so my question is, where has all my things gone? I have to ask him to look after our kids so i can go to the supermarket on my own, as this is MY time away from the kids. Is it wrong to want just 1 hour a week away from them both? ill be lucky if i get that as my inlaws and him look at me as if im a bad mother.
He comes home from work and somedays we might have our tea a bit early and all the dishes are cleaned up by the time he walks in the door, his tea will be in the microwave, but as he cant see pots on the stove etc he will turn around and say, Are you not cooking tea, or Whats for tea. I always cook tea except fri nites which is takeaway nite.
He comes home from work, the house is clean, the beds are made, his tea is cooked his washing is done everything is done, kids rooms are clean etc, he doesnt like the kids toys in lounge and jess not allowed to mess up his room, so of course i dont care through the day, i just start putting it all away 30mins b4 he is due home.
This is only part of it, there is sooo much more, to him i feel like a slave, not his wife.
i really want to leave but ill be the big bad bitch with his family etc, there will be a war. im not happy. Im only here now for the kids, i dont want to take them away from their daddy but i dont know what to do, stay here for them or leave so i can be happy, it seems such a selfish thing to do, i am just fed up.

Sorry for going on and on, i just need to get it all out and have been holding it in for so long, im sittin here crying i cant read what ive wrote so there are probably so many spelling errors! lol.
okay, im going now, time for a cancer stick i think! off outside to have 1 or maybe 5! (dont judge me on smoking either!!! i dont do it around my kids and its done outside!) lol i know none of you are like that!

Thanks, love ya heaps!

Aww sweetheart! I am so sorry for you! You do indeed sound like a slave.A relationshi is a 2 way thing///what do you get out of it.I mean I complain coz hubby doesn't help much with the kids but he understands that with 2 kids one of which a new baby,that there will be times where the house stays a tip for a few days and I dont cook every night,last nigth for example,I had a migraine and went to bed early leaving the house a shit hole.washing everywhere,dishes on the side,toys all over the house,although he would prefer it if it was clean,he doesnt judge me or say anything.

May I ask what you get out of the relationship?What did you fall in love with him for?It seems from what you told me before and what you say here that there is no happiness on either side.no communication or anything.I feel so bad for you.Have you anywhere to go?I hope you are able to have support.We are always here if you need to vent or anything.

love ya!xxx

Awww I don't know what to say hun. It suprises me how many women stay in relationships like this, but of course I don't have kids and know that makes things so much tougher. My SIL is just like you! Seriously she could have wrote that whole post.

I am assuming that you have tried to talk these things through with DH and he knows how you are feeling?

im so sorry you are going through this right now! i really dont know what i can say that will help other than i will be here for you no matter what decision you make. maybe you need to do what i did and leave for a day or two to let him know he does need to talk to you about this, its not something that can be swept under the rug! please do continue to vent here about it, as it does help, believe me! hun, i hope you feel better or get something worked out soon. and also, dont feel selfish for wanting happiness. your children will not resent you for it. i will tell you my mother and father did nothing but fight when i was younger, and yes they waited until we were in bed, but it didnt hide anything. they stayed together for many years for us kids, thinking that would be best, and your children will be able to tell you are unhappy. i think the best move my parents made was their divorce, simply because then they were each happy on their own and i was able to spend quality time with each of them. it wasnt until my mom got a house for us and my dad got his own place that i could tell she was once again truly happy, and it made a world of difference. im not saying you need to move out and get a divorce, but if the only thing keeping you two together is the kids, it may be something to think about. the relationship should only be salvaged if there is something left between the two of you to salvage!

let us know how things are going, and how you are feeling.

Oh mum, I am so gutted for you as I read your post. It sounds to me like your husband takes your for granted, big time. It is very wrong that you don't have any input in the finances. My husband chooses to handle the finances as well, but we do work together and communicate as well. Have you suggested counseling? Have you talked about divorce? Perhaps there is more to his attitude than what meets the eye. Maybe he is feeling stressed and bottling things up, and in a weird twisted way, he blames his family life.

I have sensed from other posts that you were having problems, but I am not one to pry. Please continue to talk to us. I have been through a divorce, it was really hard, I was really young, but it did work out in the end, so I am happy to help you through your situation, no matter what you choose to do.

HUGS!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks t all you girls, you are wonderful,

He was completley different when we got together, he would cook for me he would take me out, we ad so much fun, things all changed when we got married!!!! I honestly dont know what i get from the relationshiip now, some days are good where we can have a heap of fun! Everytime his family have a function we go without any questions, but when it comes to my family its like its an effort.
My mum owns a pub and its got a little restaurant and there have been sometimes i have said lets go out for tea to her place as we can take the kids but 90% of the time he wont come. i like to go out there maybe once a month or once every 6 weeks.
He is 39 and i am 24 so ther is a lot of age difference but it never affected us when we got together. Things changed when we got married, i sometimes feel like a trophy wife. Whenever his friends or family come around he makes out he is the best dad and husband in the world but as soon as they have gone thats it, i cant remeber the last time we had a cuddle on the couch or held hands. sometimes i wonder if im making a mountain out of a molehill and im over reacting but what i have wrote up the top is alll true and when i re read it i asked myself why the f**k am i still here?
I really want things to work but i think its past that. Its just so hard, the thought of leaving terrifies me, i really dont want it to come to that.
Thanks again for being there, i am so pleased i have a place where everyone gives support and is there for each other, its a shame my friends here cant be even just half as nice and caring as you guys.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I know what you mean but how can i think of myself when i have 2 kids to think about? I have not put myself first since the day jesse came into this world, i wold feel so guilty! I know i have to learn but how??? Those kids are my world, my everything ad if i dont have to hurt them i wont. But either way i guess its a loose loose battle, if i stay im hurting them by not being 100% happy and if i leave Its gonna hurt them not having both parents! arrrgghhh why do things have to be sooo hard?

Kiers is awake so better go and feed him and have big cuddles, i think i need them from him right now!

24Penguins wrote: but i think your children could benefit more from a happy mother than a mother and father that live together miserably.

I belive this to be so true! Honestly hun, no matter how much you tell yourself you are staying together for the kids, you really have to think about yourself too on this one. At the end of the day, where do you see yourself in 20 years time when your kids have grown up and moved on? Still stuck in an unhappy marriage?

Children can cope with a lot more than we give them credit for and especially yound children, they cope better than us adults most of the time.

oh babe, i really feel for you, thats not fair what he is doing!!!!
Please know that i am here for you, you deserve to be treated with respect and appriciated.The money issue is an issue as you are a family!!! i definatly think having children together makes it alot harder to leave someone as there are so many factors involved. My friend went through the same thing, ,she ended up leaving for a week or two and making them get councilling, but i dunno how its working now...it seems better.
i truly hope things (or he) improves and you can work together as happy family again or you can get the support you need to make the decision to leave, i just want you to be happy whatever you have to do !!
Why cant men be like women!!!!! thay truly are another species
xo love ya hun xo
take care of yourself xo

I know it is difficult, especially when he is the one in the wrong...... but just wondering if you have attempted to make the first move and cuddle? Also perhaps it would benefit you guys to set aside time each evening after the kids are asleep, to talk and spend about 30 minutes of quality time together, or more?

I am only making suggestions, because I agree that you have kids and if you can heal your relationship, it would be great.

Just know, I support you, and totally think that your hubby is in the wrong, not you.

Sounds like he is holding a hell of a lot in and needs therapy. The controlling behavior is a red flag to me. He's angry at himself over something, and it might be that he feels alone in the responsibility of being a parent. That could mean he is completely blind to the fact that he has you - he's torqued up about himself, even some transference could be happening (his coping with his own perceived inadequacies by "transferring" them to you and then treating you as he feels he ought to be treated. Strange but not uncommon). What chance might you have of working with a marriage counselor? Or getting him into some therapy? He needs to get rid of a boatload of something heavy and it sure isn't you.

How's it going Mum?
Are things being worked on? Have you sat him down and talked about anything yet?

Hang in there.

Hey KB, thanks for asking, things seem to a bit better, i have been keeping pretty quiet on here lately, but a few days after i posted thins we ended up having the hugest screaming match/argument, but this time it was me having the most to say! Ive told him everything before but he has basically ignored me, but this time he knew i meant business, i told him exactly as it was and that he better start treating me like his wife and not his child, i also said in these words which i probably shouldnt of but they just slipped out in the heat of the moment when i was on a roll....... "if you think we are in debt now you wait until i walk out with the kids, then you'll know what its like to be in debt!" I know this ounds mean but his face was a master card moment!

I have a really good friend here and she came round and i sat and talked to her for ages about it. we werent really on speaking terms (me and DH) I wasnt sure if i loved him anymore you know, i was just sick of everything, i just didnt care, and then one friday, he gets home at 3.30pm every friday, he works up in the mines and is dropped off by a van which leaves at the same time evryday,
anyway i waited out front as jesse always waits for daddy on a friday, so we were waiting and the van drove past and so did the 2nd, DH wasnt on it, there is no way for me to contact him up there either. so at 6pm i was getting really worried and freaking out that something had happened, as its a bit out of the way so if there was an accident i wouldnt find out for about 2 hours after as they would have to drive to me. then i heard a car pull up, looked out the window and seen it was his bosses, then DH walked through the door, i was so relieved, his workmates were suppose to of stopped or rang me and tell me he would be late but they never did, if anyone satys behind they have to let the family know. But it made me realise that this must be just a bad patch coz i was really worried and it made me realise that i really did love him soooo much and couldnt be without him, i sat him down that night and we talked about the what ifs from that day. since then, things have been different, he could still help me out round the house if he wanted too, it would be nice, but then im a stay at home mum and thats just really small things, there are bigger things in life to worry about. We have been playfighting with jess and all get on the floor and have a roll around, and when we play with the kids we do it togther instead of one of us at a time. Things could be better in other areas but it will take time, but we both know what we want now, so its good, he hasnt dared ask me about money, i know after i have done groceries he really wants too but bites his tounge!
anyway thats about it from here, its good that this is a place you can rant and rave, it meks ya feel so much better!!

thanks to everyone who gave me their kind words and support when i needed it!
I love ya all soooo much!

I am so glad things are better hunny,I have been thinking about you!hugs! Let us know!xxxxxxxx

Mumofjj, I am absolutely chuffed to read your latest post here I am so glad that you and your DH talked about things, and that he saw things a little clearer, and that things are going better for you. You really deserve to be so happy, and you deserve someone who will recognise your needs and who wants to do anything to make you happy.

So glad you are here hun, and I am glad to be here for you.