Am i being unrealistic?

Right, today i went round to one of my best friends place, (kierans godmother) for a cuppa, she is a solo mum to 2 boys, they are going to see their dad in Samoa (his home) for a family reunion in july next year. he is coming over to pick them up and my frind is going to go over for the last 5 days of their holiday so she can fly back with them, she wont see them until that last day as she will be staying elsewhere. Anyway, today she asked me if i wanted to go with her as she doesnt want to go on her own and thought it would be nice to have a girly get away. I loved the idea, but financially we just cant afford it. so i talked and talked with her about it and said that i would speak to hubby about it. my friend and i came up with an idea of how i could afford to go. as most of you probably know, i am a smoker, now i dont smoke around my kids, its always done outside, but im a girl who just loves my fags and have no intentions of giving them up.....until today. I thought if i give them up and have a goal to help me, im sure i can do it. I would put away $50 a week which would normally go on ciggys and by the time july came i would have heaps, nearly $2000, flights and accommodation is around 700-800 max so it would leave me $1200 for spending which my friend said was lots for there. Now i go through 1 packet every 2 days so around 4 packets a week which would come to about $60 pw on smokes, teribble i know.

Well tonight i spoke to hubby about it and he is dead against me going away, he is fine if i want to go somewhere only a couple of hours drive away but said i am not leaving the country for 5 days. he said if i give up smoking the money can go on this or that but not for me to go on holiday.
Now i am supportive when he goes away for boys weekends and goes and buys new motors etc for his car without consulting me and buying things HE wants, now ive had 2 weekends away on my own since Jesse was born, so in 3 years ive had no m ore than 4 days where i have had NO kids, am i really being selfish in wanting to go away for 5 days with my best friend without my kids or hubby? (he went to australia for 2 weeks when his best mate got married 8 weeks afer jess was born) If i give up smoking its got to be for something i really want as i dont want to give up, i enjoy it but if i want something sooo much i will do it. so what do you think and please be honest, am i being unrealistic in asking to go away with a girlfriend for 5 days? Kiers will be nearly 14 months old and jesse nearly 4 years old at the time.

Also forgot to say, i know its months away, but if i do go i got to start saving now.

mum, is hubby just worried about taking care of the boys on his own?

Now there's no kids in my house, but my husband would actually encourage me to go away with a girlfriend although he might prefer 2 or 3 days instead of 5.

You deserve some time to yourself!

Mum you are not being selfish, not one bit! How dare your husband say you are not allowed to leave the country, when he went to Australia for 2 weeks! I am also a smoker and I totally get what you mean, you NEED a good reaon to quit and this sounds like as good a reason as any! If I told BF I was quitting he would support me in anyway he could, and wouldn't mind one bit if I went on holiday with a girlfriend with the money I saved. I know having kids changes things but I am sure you were the one looking after the kids while he has been away, they are his kids too! He should look after them!

I dont think you're being selfish, but I don't think your husband is being a horrible person either. It sounds to me like he's just worried about being gone for THAT long and so FAR away. So, I dont think you're wrong in wanting to go, but I dont think he's wrong in NOT wanting you to go either, I guess.

Is he worried about caring for the kids for so long? Maybe you could talk to a close family member and see if they would mind dropping in a time or two to mind the kids so the man could do his normal things. Or maybe tell him you could prepare meals beforehand and freeze them so he doesn't have to worry about dinners? I really think it's just that he's either a) worried about YOU being so far away or b) worried about having to do everything w/the kids on his own.

He is a freaking control freak,He should support you and want you to have a break and a nice time with your friends.My hubby would LOVE for me to go somewhere if we could with a gfriend.Of course he would miss us but he owuldnt not say no.I am sure your hubby could take some time off and spend quality time with his boys while your away.

Also,I think the ciggy quitting is a GREAT plan,not only for your money (finacial freedom)And then it's good for your health obviously duh me!LOL

Is there a trusy issue with hubby?Does he think youre gonna cheat or something?WHAT is his problem.If it were me,the way I am sometimes,I would just say 'look,I am not aksing you I am telling you,I'm going wawy with my friends.it's 5 freaking days,not a monht and it's about time you pitched in with the boys and I have a break.It's NOT fair.He exepcts SO much of you,you do it like the dutiful wife.I feel so sorry for you.it sounds like you live a miserable existence becaise of him.

I hope you can work it out.

The short answer would be.NO it\s no unreliastic,it's a GREAT Idea and would do you the world of good!

Err...maybe I missed something??

If your hubby is a control freak normally, then that's a different issue. I dont really know anything about your DH or your relationship, as I haven't read many posts of yours.

Mum, I don't think that there is any problem with you going away. Perhaps you could tell your Husband that you are going, but will make sure he has help and support with the kids while you are gone. I definitely don't think that his first reaction should be to tell you that you CAN'T go, and tell you what your money can go towards. That's not right. He ought to be finding a way to support your desire to go away with your friend, and also should commend you for wanting to quit smoking, and help you reach that goal.

I am sorry about this hun, this is a toughie. I would give it a bit, then bring it up again and try and figure out if he has deeper concerns about you leaving that he isn't sharing out loud.

Ok, I see now. Thanks Angel.

Mum of jj, I still think your DH might be worried about caring for the kids on his own and stuff, since you clearly do most of the work as it is. Maybe if he's comfortable w/that part, he won't be so quick to say no.

I would just start putting that money aside now anyway. You don't have to tell him what you are doing - just stop smoking and start stashing the money. Then, bring up the subject at a later date.... maybe by then the baby will be a little bit older and your DH will feel more confident about it. Also, I've noticed with my DH sometimes if I drop the subject for the time being and bring up later he's more willing to talk about it. I know y'all have being having a hard time and this may be influencing his opinions.
I think having someone around to help out those days would be a good idea too.

I do think that you should be able to spend that money in damn way you please!!!!!

Quit smoking for sure

It sounds like he just doesn't want to be left alone with the kids for 5 days. You have every right to go away!

Does your DH smoke? If so, strike up a deal! You quit smoking and use the money on one big thing for YOU and he quits and uses the money he stashes on one big thing for HIM. You both get to choose your own thing and you both have to support each other. After your "big things", the extra money can go towards something for the whole family - savings account, vacation, new car (after saving of course).

Unless he could care less about his and your smoking habits. In which case, you should just quit and do what you want w/the money (provided he agrees to watch the kids). He should def. be alot more supportive for you quitting than what it sounds like he's being...I mean, this is a chance for YOU to be healthier and for your whole FAMILY to be healthier w/out the smoking!

You only live once. I say quit smoking to prove your serious about it.
Maybe make arrangements with other friends/relatives to help with the childcare issues.

Can you strike a deal for him to go on a boys vacation? Tit for Tat sometimes works.

Can your friend shorten her stay to maybe 3 days instead of 5?