Please Help!

Ok here's the situation:

My little sister (age 13) just texted me and said that our mom just slapped her in the face. They've been having problems lately. My mom has a very short temper and quite frankly, is just mean. Background tidbit: my brother and I were removed from my mothers home and went into the custody of my dad when I was 8/9ish, as she wasn't taking care of us properly. She has been doing fine w/little sister (half sister) as far as I can tell, except w/the occasional problems. I called little sister and got her side of the story and I know mom could hear what little sister was saying to me. I asked little sister to put mom on the phone and I could hear mom cursing and saying she wasn't talking to anyone right now and to leave her alone. After a few of little sisters attempts to get mom on the phone, I told her to stop as I could hear mom getting angrier and angrier. I told DH what happened. He first said stay out of it. Then he said maybe go get her for a couple days so things will settle down. My dad's advice (who is not her dad, hence the half-sister) was to call little sister's aunt (moms SIL) as she cares for little sister alot and is the closest relative, to see if she could think of anything to do about the situation.

I can understand mom yelling about what happened (little sister had cell phone, mom needed it, little sister took long time to give it to her, mom got angry and slapped her), but not hitting her. I think any kind of slapping/hitting is abuse and I will not sit here w/that knowledge and just let it keep happening. Yes, she's my sister, not my daughter and I am not technically responsible for her but I'm not going to just NOT do anything. Please participate in the poll

I'd call the SIL, and maybe consider your sister coming to live with you if a solution cannot be found.

Was the argument about anything serious? Not that it matters, I agree, violence is wrong!

I've talked to DH about all of this before. Little sister living w/mom is really not a good thing but her dad is not in the picture so it's been her only option for awhile. Mom has been abusive to me in the past, when I was very young (6/7?) I haven't heard of her being like this w/little sister before, but it doesn't surprise me. And she is quite neglectful anyway. I talked to big brother about the situation and he says the last couple times he's seen mom, she's seemed "out there" and didn't even really know what day it was. She's been working 70hrs week (single mom, gotta do what you gotta do) and she's been on drugs in the past so he thinks her working that many hours, shes gotta be taking something to "keep her going". Now I'm just a wreck thinking about all of this. They live 40 min. away from us.

I called little sister, she's at a friends house now and says she will stay the night there tonight and maybe again tomorrow night. I dont think she understands that mom can just go get her anytime she pleases. If shes with me, at least I know where she is (i dont know these "friends" she talks about) and I can keep her f/mom if need be, as her sister. Some random person in town cant really do that.

I dont think we have the financial means to support her as far as food, activities, clothes, etc... but we will if it means she'll be safe and if thats the only way. DH doesn't feel too great about that, just at a financial standpoint, but I totally get that.

I dont know anything about getting her enrolled into school up here (its fall break, so safe for the rest of the week anyway). I dont think she wants to change schools and be away from her friends, but she said herself she doesnt want to live there anymore, she cant take it anymore. Not sure she understands if she moves here, its for good and theres no going back and forth and she'll have to start new school w/new people. I think this school would be great for her but I dont know how to go about setting things up and I'd like to do that only as a last resort if possible.

If it were my sister and I was close enough to her, I'd have her come and live with me.

For example, my mom is an alcoholic and was verbally abusive to me and has even threatened me with a knife, that's where I would of liked to move in with a relative of some sort. After she threatened me with a knife, I went to my room, but she wouldn't leave me alone, she asked me for her house key, I wouldn't give it to her, so she tore apart my room looking for it. I threw it at her and ran out the house, screaming at how my mom was a psycho. Then my mom's friend came to try and talk me into going back inside to talk to my mom. Of course I didn't agree, but wanted to go back inside to call my aunt and see if I could spend some time there. It took my mom a lot of convincing, even her friend telling her to let me. I started walking and hyperventilating until my uncle met up with me half way with his truck. So anyways I wasn't going to go back to my moms, was going to go on social assistance on my own and get my own place, but my mom talked me into coming home when she said she'd quit drinking. WELL....low and behold, she started drinking heavily again about a month later, but I only had to deal with it for 8 months and then I was off to college. My mom was never like that with my sister, but if she was, I would of immediately had her come and live with us, even if we couldn't afford it. No wonder I have no more hair, I just didn't need that kind of sh!t growing up :( I would of loved having an older sibling to go to, or having a relative want to keep me, espcially when I was much younger and had some problems with my mom.

Hope you figure something out soon!

I think let things settle for the weekend and when it is a little calmer approach her with maybe a diffrent living situation or even letting her stay with you for weekends and see how it goes from there. sounds like maybe mom should see a Dr. about her temper but I know how it goes when people don't think they have a problem! Good luck sweety you are a great sister!

24Penguins wrote:gutter thats heartbreaking, i had no idea! im sorry that happened to you, thats awful! im glad your sister is doing better with your mom than you did. wow.

Nika,
Thanks for caring hun! I'm not proud of my past and of course I don't drink because of it. I have the urge to have a drink lately, because alcoholism runs in my family, but I just shrug it off. My mom drank because she was depressed and hated everyone. She always put her needs first over me and my sister. I have to honestly say that my mom has been much better since I moved out. She has gotten herself a great paying job and have never been that way with my sister, except for guilt tripping her, which is horrible, but at least it's not like what I had to deal with. My sister came and lived with us this summer to look for a job after she graduated from college and my mom was sooo jealous, she stopped calling here, so there you go....you can now understand how horrible my mom is. Soo...my sister went home for a few weeks and put out a few resumes, but planned on coming back to live with us and well...she found herself a job near our hometown, so now my sister lives 45 minutes away from my mom and boy do I feel bad. Oh well..like I said she gets along better with her then I do. My mom and I we do good when visiting and calling each other, but we could never ever live under the same roof every again.

Ok so I went to get little sister last night. She's staying w/me for a couple nights. When I got there to pick her up, the aunt was there (I had called her to go sit w/little sister until I got there) and mom was still there also, happy as could be. Like she just flipped a switch or something.

Glad to hear that she'll be staying with you!

Are you going to talk to your mother about her anger problems?
Sounds like she needs some intervention that will be more long-term...say counceling?