Assignment for my Creative Writing Class

Hey Ladies!!
I'm in my second to last class before finishing up my bachelor's degree in IT. I have two upper level electives to take. So, I opted for creative writing. My latest assignment was to write a short story. I am posting it here for you ladies to give me some feedback. Thank you in advance!




Chapter 1
The day of the ball dawned clear and beautiful. Angelique Dubois awoke to the sweet sounds of the family of robin redbreasts right outside her upstairs bedroom window. She stretched her youthful, lithe body like a graceful feline, and then let out a loud giggle. Today was her cotillion, in which she would be introduced to society. Angelique vowed that absolutely nothing would spoil this grand event. It would be the most memorable coming out ball of all times. She pictured herself in her beautiful gown with puffed sleeves and flowing laces, hair piled elegantly atop her gorgeous head, dancing with every eligible bachelor within 100 miles of New Orleans, LA. She would be the envy of every girl at the ball. Angelique was interrupted from her reverie by the low protests of her stomach. She donned a pink silk robe and slid into matching house slippers, and went down to breakfast.
“Good morning, Miss Angelique. You sholl up mighty early,” declared Annie, the Dubois’ black cook and housekeeper. “I can’t help it, Annie. I’m just so excited about tonight, replied Angelique. “Excited enough where yo can’t eat nothing!” “I’m never that excited, Annie,” exclaimed Angelique with a giggle. Angelique managed to just barely remain ladylike while she scarfed down three pancakes with maple syrup, two fried eggs, ham, bacon, and a tall glass of fresh orange juice. “I don’t see how’s yo can still fit in that there dress of yours, Miss Angelique. What, with all that you fill yo belly with all da time. Heehee. But, dat’s how I like it.”
Angelique spent the rest of the day being primped and prepped for her grand entrance into society. She luxuriated in a jasmine scented bath, where she also had her hair rinsed in fresh water of the same scent. Her maid, Hattie, styled her hair into beautiful ringlets piled hight atop her graceful head, with a tiara to complete the effect. Finally, Angelique was helped into her gown by Hattie and Marie. Most girls opted for the tight fitting corset to help accentuate a narrow waist, but for Angelique, there no need. Her waist was perfectly slim. When Hattie stepped back from clasping the last button of Angelique’s gown, Marie was almost in tears. Her “petite ange” was all grown up. James knocked on the door and presented Angelique with an exquisite pearl necklace with earrings to match. Angel embraced her papa with tears in her eyes and gave him a big kiss. “Oh, papa, it is magnificent! Thank you so much!” James gruffly chucked her chin and told Angelique that he looked forward to the traditional father/daughter first dance, and left with a rather loud clearing of his throat. “Angelique, I must hurry and get myself ready, so that we are not late for your big night,” stated Marie.
After everyone had left her room, Angelique wandered around her room visiting each of the childhood trinkets that lay in sight. “After tonight, my life will be forever different,” sighed. She knew that it was time to “grow up”, and start learning the “duties” of a woman. She didn’t mind learning how to run a household, for she had already been assisting her mother in minor decisions related to the household. Angelique shuddered at the thought of the second aspect of “womanhood”. She did not want to get married. She was headstrong and independent, as well as very educated, and was afraid her future husband would try and break her spirit. In her dreams, she would meet a handsome, educated man who would see her independence and spirit as charms, rather than flaws. They would instantly fall in love, marry, and live happily ever after. But Angelique was practical enough to know that the chances of that happening were about as likely as it snowing in New Orleans. The chatter of the guests downstairs interrupted her reverie. With a last, lingering look at herself in her floor length, gold gilt mirror, Angelique stepped into the hall to begin her descent into womanhood.

Chapter 2
Angelique managed to glide gracefully down the staircase without tripping on the hem of her floor length ivory and silver ball gown. Once at the bottom, her papa stepped forward to escort her into the ballroom, where all 150 guests awaited her arrival. Right on cue, the orchestra struck up a nice waltz, which Angelique and her father slid into effortlessly. All eyes were on the beautiful Angelique. This was the moment she had dreamed about over and over again. With her sparkling hazel eyes, Angelique eyed the avid appreciation of the young men, and equally surveyed the envy in some of the females. One pair of envious eyes stood out among them all. Elizabeth Faciane stood with an obvious pout as the man at her side stopped paying court to her “charms” to look upon the comeliness of Miss Angelique Dubois. Elizabeth was a rather pretty girl, but her mouth tended to stay in a perpetual frown, which caused her to look like an injured stray cat. “Angel, just what do you find so funny? Have a managed to miss a step during this absolutely long waltz?” queried Angelique’s father. “No, papa. I was just admiring Elizabeth’s filial beauty,” replied Angelique slyly. “Now, ma petite, I know that tone,” admonished James. “Papa, I promise to be on my best behavior,” demurred Angelique. The dance finally came to an end, and James escorted her over to some friends of hers.
Meanwhile, one such gentleman looked upon the event with outward boredom. Nicolas Laurent wished he had been able to find a suitable excuse not to be present. Taking a sip from the glass of brandy he held, Nicolas watched the dance with little interest. He hated having to attend the functions of “little missies” who were out to catch husbands with their silly little charms. He preferred his “women” with experience and “charms”, women who did not have marriage on the agenda. But, his mother, Louise was badgering him to settle down. She hated hearing about her son the rake, who as successful with unsavory women as he was at his father’s shipping company. Nicolas wouldn’t tell his mother, but he knew that his rakish days were almost over. His older brother, Charlie the heir to his father’s shipping business, had decided to become a minister. Nicolas shuddered every time he recalled his father, Charles’ temper that day. Shaking himself out of that particularly unpleasant memory, Nicolas turned his attention back to the present. The band was playing “La Dorset” and a lively quadrille had begun on the ballroom floor. The men and women participating whirled past him in elegant fashion but Nicolas observed that the center of attention was tonight’s celebrant. “Miss” Angelique Dubois was a fetching little thing. She was not his usual type, but he still found her attractive. She was quite tall for a female, towering over most of the females in attendance of the cotillion. She had hair the color of a raven’s wing. It was long, and smooth as Chinese silk. But, her eyes, they what kept him drawn to her face. They were captivating, and seemed filled with unspoken knowledge that made a man what to unravel her secrets. Just then, she turned and their eyes met and held just fleetingly. There was so much electricity and chemistry in that one look; that for a space of a heartbeat, no one else existed in the ballroom, but Nicolas and Angelique. Then someone called her name, and she turned away to answer. Nicolas had to make himself take deep breaths to calm his thundering heart. What had just happened to him, he didn’t even want to analyze. He had to get out of there, immediately. He gave a lame excuse to his mother and father and quickly called for his carriage to be brought around.
Angelique instantly knew when the handsome young man left the ballroom. She could not understand what had happened a little while ago. He was definitely not like any of the other young men who were even now lavishing undivided attention upon her. He seemed more sophisticated and detached from everything around him, so different than any man she had ever met. And yet, she had felt a undeniable pull toward him. Who was he? Oh, yes, someone said his name was Nicolas Laurent. She vaguely recalled is last name from her father’s business dealings. Angelique shrugged Nicolas from her thoughts. No point on dwelling on someone who was even at the ball anymore, someone who was rude enough to leave before father’s official speech for her. Angelique enjoyed the rest of the night. She danced, ate, and had outstanding time. Even the few snide remarks made by Elizabeth did nothing to diminish the success of her debut.
Eventually, after everyone had long gone home from the ball, Angelique lay in her big bed and recalled the mysterious Nicolas Laurent. She knew almost nothing about him, and yet could not shake him from her thoughts. She recalled his great height. She was very tall for a female, and yet, she knew that she would not even measure up to his nose if they were to stand face to face. Oh, his face. His features so well put together, it seemed a sin for a man to look so gorgeous. His eyes were the color of chicory bean coffee. His nose was nice and straight. His mouth was strong, giving the impression of stubbornness and determination, yet looked quite kissable. Angelique’s cheeks grew quite warm at the thought of being kissed by those lips. She fell asleep with delicious thoughts of being kissed and “ravished” by Nicolas Laurent.
Chapter 3
James Dubois could not believe his eyes and ears. Standing before him in his study was Nicolas Laurent. It wasn’t so much the boy’s presence that was unbelievable. It was the fact that Nicolas Laurent the notorious rake, was in his study, offering for his precious daughter’s hand in marriage. The boy had gall that’s for sure. “Now, see here. Who do you think you are, coming in here and all but demanding my permission to marry my daughter,” thundered James. “Now, dear, there is no reason to become so upset. You don’t even know if Angelique would even accept him,” reasoned Marie. “You know how she feels about marriage.” “You’re right. I hadn’t thought about that,” James said rather optimistically. He called in Jim, the butler, and had him send up for Angelique.
When Angelique heard that she was wanted in her father’s study, she became very excited. She just knew that her daydreams had become a reality, and that many suitors were at that very minute all outside on the porch vying for an opportunity to call on “Miss Angelique Dubois”. She hurriedly dressed as fashionably as possible and all but ran down the stairs and into her father’s study. What she hasn’t anticipated was seeing Nicola Laurent standing lazily, yet alertly against her father’s fireplace mantle. “Good morning, papa, mama, Mr. Laurent. I..I..What are you doing here?” stammered Angelique. It was the only thing that seemed to come out. “Dear, Mr. Laurent has humbly asked your father for your hand in marriage,” Marie stated. “But why?” asked Marie. She was in a state of shock. He didn’t know her. They had never even been introduced. Why would he possibly want to marry her? “Excuse me, Angelique. May I call you Angelique?” He didn’t even wait for permission, and kept right on talking. “Might I talk to you alone for a few moments? If after we talk, you still do not want to marry me, then I will leave, and we will all go on about our merry ways.” After much arguing, Marie was able to give the two young people five minutes alone. “Five minutes, and not one second more! You got that?!” Boomed James. Once alone with Nicolas, Angelique, who was not known for her quietness or shyness, could not find any words to speak. Nicolas was the first to break the silence. “I know that we have not met formally before. I also know that I am not like any of your usual admirers. Let me start off by saying that I am known as a rake. I have known many beautiful women, and am not affected much by their beauty and charms anymore. But last night, I made eye contact with a woman who made every other woman that I’ve know pale in comparison. She actually made my heart stop. Her hazel eyes cast a spell upon my soul, and kept me up for the rest of last night. I have been running from the idea of marriage for a few years now. And for some strange reason, with just one look, this beautiful female actually had me contemplating marriage, and not cringing. That woman was you, M’ange. So, Angelique Dubois, if you felt anything in that look last night, and believe a rake can change, please do me the honor of becoming my wife.” Angelique just stood there, gawking at him. There were no words to describe that moment. She, who had spent most of her childhood days, dreading the day when some overbearing, dominant man would come “a-calling” to ask to marry her; was now actually considering it with a man she did not know, except by a look. “Please say something, Cherie,” Nicolas implored. “I can speak three different languages, and I love to climb trees. Do you have a problem with that?” Angelique blurted. Nicolas laughed until tears fell from his eyes. “Madame, I find that those “skills” only make me admire you even more.” “Very well, then, I’ll….”
“FIVE MINUTES UP!!” yelled James, as he stormed back into the study with Marie right on his heels. She looked at Angelique with apologetic eyes. “See, I knew she would turn you down. Didn’t I tell you, Marie?” laughed James. “Actually, papa, I was just about to give Mr. Laurent my answer as you came in,” interrupted Angelique. “My answer, Mr. Laurent, is yes. I will marry you, and become your wife. As long as you never try and break my spirit or become resentful of my constant quest for knowledge.” James stuttered his disapproval, while Marie looked on with happy tears in her eyes, for she was able to see the love that shown in the young couple’s eyes. Gone was the stubborn refusal to accept that a man could love a smart woman. Angelique had now experienced the power of love. And Nicolas Laurent was the fortunate man to experience the look of Angel Eyes.

Well,
No one commented on my story. But, I wanted to thank you anyway. I got a 14/15 on it, so I'm pretty excited about that.

Cherry - I was going to comment the other day and a little certain someone kept me from it!
I think this is fantastic and obviously your teacher does too!!!!

Are you going to write more?!!!!

Oh Cherry,I am so sorry.I didn't see this! I have just read it.I like your descriptive writing.It's very scarlette o hara in gone with the wind.I like the romance...I was rooting for her to marry the guy at the end and wanted to know what happend on their wedding night though So glad you got great grades for it Well done.It's very well written!

Sorry i only saw it now!

You have such an amazing talent! I would love to see more of your writing! with a few extra chapters..........you should make another part to this story!!!

Glad you got excellent marks for it

Thanks, ladies. I was very worried about it, that's why I posted it here first. I would have made it longer, but our max word count was 2450, and I had to go back and eliminate some lines just to make the word count. But, I got a good grade, and am extremely grateful that you ladies did read it, and that you truly liked it. I would have liked to write a more short novel, or maybe a longer short story, but we'll see if life let's me. But thank you, really. It means a lot.