Feel lousy!

Just had my midwife over a minute ago so I could sign forms for my scan next week, we have to consent to it over here. She knows how I feel about the impending birth and how I am really don't want to go to a main hospital unit so just before she goes she hands me this big brown envelope with leaflets etc to read. The majority of them though are geared up for women who 'can' got to the nice midwife led unit in my town where they do waterbirth etc. I feel heartbroken and can't stop crying. I feel such a failure and feel I will never know what it is like to give birth or be in labour. I feel so abnormal!!!

Awwww honey I know just how you are feeling. I was all set up for a water birth using hypno-birthing techniques last time around only to be told late in my pregnancy that due to my heart condition I would HAVE to go to the city hospital and I was literally heart broken they had led me to believe that I could deliver at my local delivery suite - obviously the way thing's turned out what with Theo being breech I would have had to have gone to the main hospital in the end anyway. This time around I knew that I had limited choices due to the CS but my midwife still gave me tons of leaflets on the local midwife led delivery suite I handed them back to her and said that these are next to useless to me and she just said 'oh yeah!'

But why are you feeling like you will never experience a natural birth?? they aren't being unsupportive about a VBAC are they? Have you asked about being induced earlier due to Molly's birth weight?

Thanks for your reply Georgi, it means a lot. The thing is they won't induce early due to birth weight and they completely refused last time, in fact the impression I was given was that they wouldn't consider it at all as they kept saying that induction increases your risk of emergency c-section. I think a lot of it was to do with my cervix being very posterior etc but then this was only at term so given time it may have moved round blah blah... I'm worried about induction as it is because that definitely rules out being able to go to one of the midwife led units (there is another co-located one I am hoping for in the main hospital) plus I am worried that if I negotiate something with the midwifery sister or obgyn then when it comes to going into labour I will end up with a midwife who will not accept me and send me to the main hospital.
Anyway, I have my appointment with the midwife on saturday to have a long chat about things so we will see what she says. I think where I have been off sick for weeks I have had a lot of time to think about this and it's just getting to me. I also have this really annoying sil who has had two wonderful births at the centre and she keeps bringing up my previous c-sectiona and saying that she wouldn't have done it, as if I'm just weak or something. She would never say it in front of my husband though and he just says he can't say anything to her unless he hears her say it. It does hurt and people just don't seem to care, or they think they make better parents because of their births etc.

Oh Emma,

As one of those people who was able to have a natural birth with a 10 lb baby let me tell you that you have no reason to feel like any sort of a failure. As long as you and your baby are healthy it makes no difference how they get here. I can tell how desperately you want to be able to experience a natural birth but I think the healthy end is more important. Oh and I cannot even tell you how long I waddled around and sat it hot water baths until I healed from 3rd degree tears. I don't either way is particularly pretty.

I also refused induction because I was afraid that it would lead to c-section (there are statistics that say they do). My doctor automatically induces you if you are a week over your due date. So I did do everything under the sun to get it started myself so they couldn't induce. I don't think you are weak and don't let you SIL make you feel like you are. Just come on here and we will reassure you.

galaxy first off hun i can somewhat understand what you are saying my sister just this month had to have her second c section (if you would like talk to her let me know) because she had the same problems this time as last time that her cervices would not shorten she keeps taking shots at me saying c section is worse than real birth because as of now they sayin that im looking good to have a naturally birth but it don't make anybody better like the girls say its all about the safety of you and your lil one and i can sure you a hell of alot of people do not think your weak because you had a c section it takes alot of strength and courage to go through with it and a very selfless thing in my opinion, Dont let her get you down just because she got a stick up her ass, Child birth is hard and painfull and messy no matter what way it happens lol and your SIL needs to relise just because she pushed them out dont make her no better than you just makes her look like a bitch for makeing them snide remarks i know im rambling but you get the gist lol lack of sleep getting to me. But be strong and nobody thinks any less of you for having a c section and if anything look at the bright side atlest u have a set in stone due date hehe hope you feel better hun

Sorry but I don't mean to come across as heartless but surely as long as the yourself and your baby come into the world safely does it really matter how the baby is delivered? I really don't think you should put so much pressure on yourself and just relax and enjoy your pregnancy. At the end of the day the baby will be delivered in the most safest way, if you can deliver then great as hopefully, if your lucky your have less healing and will hopefully recover more quickly, but if you end up with another c-section then also great you will be holding your new born baby in your arms and this makes you no less of a mother or woman your just what is best for the both of you. Ok healing will take longer but it will soon heal and you will become a great mother just like the mothers that delivered.
I ended up with a c-section last time after 14 hours labour as my little boy was back to back so I couldn't deliver him, and I don't think any less of myself for doing this, I am just amazed that I created a life.

As for this pregnancy I am under a consultant because of my section last time and yes they have agreed that I can try a deliver, but I have alreadly said that if I need a c-section then thats what will happen. My reasons for wantng a VBAC is because I think it will help me look after Jake a little easier as my dh travels away and yes I do think that having a c-section would be hard work with alreadly having a 2 year old to look after but if needs must then thatswhat will happen.

So please don't get so upset and let nature take its course and IT does not make you any less of a person/mother.
Your be a great mummy as I have alreadly said.

Take care and enjoy your pregnancy x x x