Help....Any ideas???

DH and I have been having difficulties lately. We have been fighting a lot (not in front of Kian) but about tons of different stuff. Times are tough, cause I am at work full-time and DH stays home full-time with Kian. I work at a university so that even when I come home, I will have to prepare, correct etc., so I am not really off then. I also am working on an extra project, just so my chances are better to get the full-time tenure-track position in my department (wish me luck, it would mean to teach one less class - which means more time). I am also still finishing up my PhD. Anyways, so DH takes care of Kian and the house, laundry etc. (makes me feel guilty at times..). But, we basically have NO TIME for each other. On top of that, Kian is a terrible sleeper (naps twice a day for 30-40 minutes) and at night wakes several times. We have no family near that could help us out sometimes.
My question: Do you guys have any ideas how I could make more time for DH and just do something special? This would be soo much needed, but I am drawing a blank on ideas what to do? What do you guys do? How do you make time?

Awe, I am sorry Nicki! I know that its so hard to find time and I only work 32 hours a week now!!!!!!!!!!! The fact is, while you are in school, there really is virtually no time, and I very much understand that. I went back in 2004 and it was rough.

Let's see...on weekends especially since you are SO busy all thru the week, while Kian is having one of his 30 min naps, get DH to take a shower with you - this is what me and Ray do a lot OR maybe rub his feet OR see if you can find a good babysitter...I found an awesome nanny on the web. Sittercity. You can do background checks and stuff on people so that's a plus!!! Let's see...basically you need to put something that you CAN put on hold, on hold...just long enough to drink some coffee together and talk about your day, or you could put something on hold and surprise him with a sexy Nicki in a new sexy outfit! The element of surprise is always nice

Good luck and I'm sorry!

Oh Nicki -
Sorry to hear you guys are having tough times. It totally sucks! Another great solution for a baby sitter is to check out your college. I'm sure you could find a college student, maybe one majoring in education, to babysit. Or do you have a friend that has children that you could take turns swapping out babysitting time? Even if you guys could get away for an hour or two even once a month would make a big difference. Or what about mother's morning out? Then you and DH could meet for breakfast or early lunch or maybe even a little afternoon delight?!!!!

If I could just figure out how to get that little booger of yours to sleep all night you would have a little more time together!!!!

Will Kian nap in your arms? If so, maybe let him nap in your arms while you too watch a movie and snuggle on the couch?
Does he sleep in the car? Could you guys go for a ride and get hot chocolate - maybe Kian would sleep so you too could at least talk to one another? I know that doesn't give you time together alone but at least it would be quiet!!!!

If I lived near by I would come a baby sit for you! I think our boys would get along really well!
Wish I had a better solution!!!!

Awwwwww Nicki I really feel for you, when DH and I both worked opposite shifts we hardly ever saw each other granted we didn't have a baby then but for us something had to change....I managed to get a new job with great hours and 2-3 months down the line DH got a better job with better hours and then we probably had too much spare time together LOL!! It was very difficult during the months we hardly spent anytime together but what kept us going was the thought that it wouldn't be like it forever and that's the same as you guys right?? Once you get that new job ( ) your situation will improve!!!!

But what can you do between now and then...well I think both Ginny and Lou Lou have given you some great ideas above and to be honest I don't think I can make any suggestions that top theirs! I would say make sure that you compliment your husband on all the work he does, I know, I know women do the stay at home bit all the time and get NO compliments at all but men's brains work differently and if he feels as though he is really doing a great job managing ALL the housework and looking after Kian, he will feel as though he is indispensable! As you are the main bread winner is this possibly making him feel slightly inadequate??? It's just a thought and I know can be the source of arguements that on top of not being able to spend anytime together would put a strain on any relationship.

I am certain that thing's WILL improve for you sweetheart I think Lou Lou's suggestion Will Kian nap in your arms? If so, maybe let him nap in your arms while you too watch a movie and snuggle on the couch? is a perfect one to start with!!

Ladies, thanks SOOOOO much your caring replies. That means a lot to me..I really like this community!!! I love your ideas, Ginny and Lou Lou and will try to incorporate them into our lives. I will have to find a babysitter, so hopefully this semester at the university I am working at, I will find someone who could take Kian for an hour or so sometimes.

Yes, Georgi, I am totally waiting for the time when it gets better and when we are not sooo overworked etc. Hopefully soon.....but that thought keeps us going. And yes, there might be some underlying issues with DH staying home. He feels like he gets judged by people for not working and providing and staying home with Kian. Along the same lines, I feel I get judged for working and working on my career. Society can be so weird, sometimes even cruel if you don't fit into those pre-made tracks (I hope that makes sense). DH will be looking for a at least part-time teaching job as soon as possible, that might help get him out of the house among other people. Sure, this will make time between us even more sparse, but I will try to just put some things on hold sometimes.

Again, thanks so much ladies.

I think it's awesome that your DH stays home with Kian! I assume he worked full time before Kian was born? I know for me, since I worked fulled time before, staying home has been harder than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, if DH told me today I needed to get a full time job I would be devastated but the adjustment is difficult and I'm sure you wish you could be home during the day too!

I really hope things get better for you guys!

Thanks so much, Lou Lou. Yes, he worked full-time before Kian was born. Since we both teach, we have usually from May-August off. Which we both did and enjoyed. And then we moved and I went back to work at a new job in August, and DH stayed home.

Well, I will try to do my best to show him how much I appreciate what he does and to make time for me and him. Hopefully, we'll get back to our old relationship without all the fighting...

I'm sure you will work it out! Having a child sure does add stress to a relationship and if you think about it, we haven't really gotten into the "raising" part!
I'll be thinking of you! I really think once Mr. Kian starts sleeping better things will improve....

:tmi: But I remember once when Owen was like 3 months old we were attempting to DTD and Owen woke up and started SCREAMING and I HAD to go to him and it totally killed the mood and then my DH didn't want to try again because he was afraid we would just be interrupted. Even though marriage isn't all about intimacy - it IS a big part of it. When my DH and I DTD on a regular basis we just get along better. It does help us reconnect.

Hang in there, honey!

Sky, I can totally relate to what you are going through. LM is also a terrible sleeper, and I found that DH and I were not taking enough time for each other. We have had a lot of communication issues and I have to work on not being short with him when I get over tired and run down. He is helping me out more with LM, and we also take time together each night, even if it's for 30 minutes to cuddle and watch a show together or talk or whatever. It does help.

Things aren't perfect, but they have gotten better since we have been making alone time together, even if the alone time isn't for long.

Good luck hun. Being exhausted and doing the job you do... I think you are a star, and a great mommy, and it just sounds like you need to take more time outs for yourself and also with your DH.

Thanks Tiff. That helps so much! And thanks so much for your encouraging words about being a good Mom and stuff... that helps, cause there are many days when I think I am the worst Mom and partner out there.

Yes, DH and I are working on it - well mainly I in that I am trying to make more time, but it is NOT easy. As I am writing I am only still up cause I am working on a project that is due tomorrow... :cry:

I hope we can work things out...