HELP! This is serious - Separation Anxiety...

Ok, so I have been on vacation all week with Thane and while we were there I noticed him being EXCESSIVELY clingy, so much so that I couldn't do ANYTHING really without him. Go to the pool, Take a shower, ...pee even!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am concerened cuz he wants NOTHING to do with Ray. Ray will try to do things for him, sing to him, rock him, anything, but Thane will scream "MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!" He would hardly even play with Ray in the pool for 5 minutes without looking and panicking for me I don't know what to do.

I just got out of the shower, and ray was holding him in the rocking chair and thane had screamed and cried mommy so much that he was almost physically sick. i am VERY worried and scared for him and Ray didn't help cuz he said "You have GOT to do something! Take him to the doctor! This is NOT normal!!!" I am worried sick about him now Has ANYONE gone thru this and what can i do to help??? I am a working mom and I know that doesn't help bless his heart. I feel like a terrible mommy and I don't know what I am doing wrong. He is so independent sometimes i just don't understand this PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.babycenter.com/0_separation-anxiety_12652.bc (THIS is a great informative and probably reassuring article for you Ginny) the only part that you may find hard but maybe need to consider is the last pararagraph
"Let him learn to cope.
No parent wants her child to feel any unnecessary sadness, but coping with separation is one of the many stresses your child will have to learn to manage in life. Sometimes doing nothing — especially if you've already tried everything — is the best advice. "Learning to cope is an important developmental task," says Freidheim. "Your child has to learn that there are times when he's going to be unhappy." If your child's clinging is so severe that you can't even cross the room without a protest, for example, you may be making the situation worse by constantly caving to his demands. If you know that he's safe, it's okay to let him cry a bit. In a matter-of-fact voice, reassure him that's everything's okay, then go ahead and do whatever it is you need to do — without feeling guilty."

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081105121243AAqNXye (these are examples of other mums who are going through this,it's not 'abnormal' all kids are different and some kids feel it more than others.)
http://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090408202620AAiufc2 (please don't neccessarily read the repsonses from the yahoo answers because often they are just random people chipping in with whatever advice,I question if some of them are veen parents.but it's just to show you that you are not alone.

this is a pargraph taken from a baby site,there are many more like this if you want,just explaina a little about why it occurs and that it is normal and ok,while it's not pleasent,it will pass,you are not alone and hopefully in amongst all of this you can find some tips that help.Might not make it go away,you may have to just ride it out,but it will pass and you will be fine! nothing wrong with Thane,nothing wrong withn you.I know it's hard hun! hang in there! xxxx



"Once completely dependent on you, your child now has the physical and mental capacity to explore on her own. She embarks on voyages of mobility, believing she rules her world. All too quickly, though, she learns the limits of her powers as she tries new experiences, whether it's climbing up on the couch and then not knowing how to get down or trying to put on her own coat and getting hopelessly tangled in it. And when she realizes she doesn't have everything figured out just yet, she becomes frustrated and frightened. But there's value in all of it — she's developing an identity.

Your toddler has learned that you are a separate entity and that you can leave her. However, she doesn't yet grasp the reliability of your coming back, which can make her very upset to see you go. This separation anxiety, which can come and go throughout the toddler years, typically peaks around 18 months and fades altogether by age 3."

Wow...thank you Holi!!!! i have been looking all over the internet and had missed these sites!!! man, he is just driving me crazy! But, right now, for example he WAS playing in Blaine's room which is usually off limits but he got sum "cool cars" and is now back. he only said "mommy!!!" once and he seems fine. Ray is gone to Chicago til Tuesday to see the Braves play so its just Mommy for now...

But thank you so much to let me see I am not alone. i know i was just joking with you about it yesterday but then when i took a shower it got REALLY bad and ray cussed and said i was gonna have to do something cuz it was NOT normal that's when i spazzed (sp) and came on here for help! thank you for looking it up for me...bless you, and you are sick I am sorry!!!! But thank you very much!! i hope it passes soon!!!!! I don't ALWAYS go running to him when he cries, unless of course he is hurt, and if he is throwing a fit like cuz he doesnt want to come in the house from playing I'll let him lay in the floor and i'll walk over him and say "Well when you are done, come here and talk to me". And that's it. So who knows??? I wondered if it was him being breastfed? I dont see any info on that anywhere really...

I'm gonna go check out the rest of those links you sent!! XXXX thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

hahah,no worries,I am feeling a lot better now!Anyway,I know you were only waiting for MY reply have a look at those links,I don't think its because he's is breastfed! Anyway xxx

Ginny - we are struggling with this too only it's not quite as severe as Thane's situation.
I try to reassure him when I can. I'll say "Mommy will be right back" or "Mommy is going to the other room". I figure if he doesn't understand that when I leave I'll always come back I might as well explain it even if he doesn't get it just yet.
One day it will make sense. For now, I just let him cry out side the bathroom while I pee.
If he seems really distraught I will go to him for a cuddle and tell him that he's OK. I'll try to move on as quickly as possible.

I'm not much help but I DID want you to know you are not alone! Keep us posted on the situation!

Thank you Lou Lou! I am hoping it was just from being in a new place...and of course me being off for a week with him probably makes it worse, cuz unfortunately I work full time So of course he wants mommy!!! Can you blame him?? But anyway, he seems fine today really, BUT i have been around ALL day! He has gone to play in another room and i have to go looking for him but right now he's at my feet. Thanks Lou LOu! I did reemmber you saying you are giong thru this too, but man i hope it doesn't get as severe as Thane! Does Owen pay any attention to your DH at all??? Thane really doesn't EVER want to go to Daddy and there's no reason for it! Me and Ray get along great and everything is fine between them when they play. I just don't get it... but htank you very much!!!

well, Owen enjoys the attention my DH gives him because he only sees him an hour or so each day but if we are all hanging out together Owen generally prefers me over my DH.
My biggest problem is the need for me to be in the same room....within arm's reach all day.
It hasn't been as bad since he is feeling better.
I hope he will be ok tomorrow! I know you are worried but I'm sure he'll be fine!

Lucy does this too. When I have been away all day at a class or running errands with my friend it is worse. She gets along great with her daddy most of the time, but every now and then she gets in a mood and just wants me. And screams at the top of her lungs when I leave her a few min to go to the bathroom or even get her lunch ready. It kills me, but I pretty much just keep going. I have to try to keep half an eye on her when I am in the kitchen because she has very industiously started trying to figure out how to climb over the saftey gate. She has already stood on the hinge 6'' off the floor trying to hike her other leg over the top......

Whoa! Uh oh, you have a climber too huh??? Well, wish me luck everyone. I am already missing him terribly today and i haven't even left for work. When I got up I pushed the pillow toward him and he thought it was me and went back to sleep Poor baby.... and poor mommy too Thank you everyone!

Ginny, we have had the same problem. It has gotten better in the last few weeks and it depends on the day but for a few weeks I couldn't leave his site even if daddy was right next to him. I thought it was because he is always with me. My DH did a good job of sidetracking him with a toy or a book and made him switch his focus which seems to work. And like everyone has said crying will not hurt them. Sometimes it is the only way they can show frustration or anger is to cry. A book I live by said any change it a child's schedule will take three days for them to adjust. So if that helps to know that anything different you do in his schedule will take three days. So change...three days to adjust...change...three days. I have found sometimes those three days are easy and sometimes they are torture.