I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry you guys are having a tough time! You know, when Owen was just a few weeks old one night he stayed up from like 2 am until 1 in the afternoon. I was a total basket case because I was exhausted and I called my mom crying and I remember saying, "I can't do this!" and her response to me, at that moment, made me so mad but it made so much sense after I thought it through.

She said, "Stacie, take a deep breath and calm down. You CAN do this because you HAVE to do this. You WILL get through this, I promise."

When I got off the phone with her I remember thinking that that was the crappiest answer ever and that she must not really care but she was so totally right. I was exhausted for days and I felt like crap but we got through it. I never knew I possessed that type of inner strength and I know you possess it too! It is so obvious to me how much you love your children and I know you would go to the ends of the earth to help Teo.

I hope you know where I'm going with this and don't take as an insult like I did when my mom said it to me! And on those days when you think you can't do it just remember that we ladies will love and support you through it all!!!!!

I'll be thinking of you and your family tonight and I hope you all get a good night's sleep!

Love you!
Lou Lou

Lou Lou wrote:I am so sorry you guys are having a tough time! You know, when Owen was just a few weeks old one night he stayed up from like 2 am until 1 in the afternoon. I was a total basket case because I was exhausted and I called my mom crying and I remember saying, "I can't do this!" and her response to me, at that moment, made me so mad but it made so much sense after I thought it through.

She said, "Stacie, take a deep breath and calm down. You CAN do this because you HAVE to do this. You WILL get through this, I promise."

When I got off the phone with her I remember thinking that that was the crappiest answer ever and that she must not really care but she was so totally right. I was exhausted for days and I felt like crap but we got through it. I never knew I possessed that type of inner strength and I know you possess it too! It is so obvious to me how much you love your children and I know you would go to the ends of the earth to help Teo.

I hope you know where I'm going with this and don't take as an insult like I did when my mom said it to me! And on those days when you think you can't do it just remember that we ladies will love and support you through it all!!!!!

I'll be thinking of you and your family tonight and I hope you all get a good night's sleep!

Love you!
Lou Lou

Wow,thats really touching!Thank you so much.I do not take offense at all.Funnily enough,someone has said that to me before.When I was with my ex boyfriends mum who was dynig of cancer.Everyone dissapeared and I was there when she died.I had to stay there and wait for other people to arrive and help his dad who was a mess.I was really stressed.I knew it wasn't about me and I was trying to stay stoic.

The dr came by just before she died as was shcedualed,he said to me she was about to die (her lungs were full of fluid and she was making AWFUL rasping sounds that could be heard from the street) I told him I didn't think I could cope.(I think he thought I was her daughter or someone closer) Anyway,he said "You can cope,you will cope,because you have to,you will make it!" I took strength from what he said and I did make it,not because I wanted to or because I got some superhuman strehgth but because it happened.,I was there and I just did what I had to do.We do find from within us,during some awful times (I know a death is no where near what I am dealing with right now) this incredible strength.You get through it and you carry on.You may go and collapse in a corner when no one else is around and cry but you WILL,or "I" will make it I know.

Reminding myself of that day puts things into perspective.I really am lucky.I have my mother,although she is in europe and I am in the states,she is around and supportive of me.I have a lovely home in a lovely neigbourhood,I have a great loving hubby,2 beautiful sweet kids.So one is a bit hyper and it drives me nuts.The main thing is we are healthy and for the most part happy and we WILL make it.

Your words mean so much S!Thanks for that!

I will keep you all posted here perhaps,on any tests we get done.Dolly's momma has very kindly given me some information about getting him diagnosed and things like that. (Thank you Dm)

Love you too!

I hope things are going better for you. It isn't the same situation for me but I can completely empathize on the level that we as mothers hate to see our children in pain or discomfort and when we have no answers for the problem it feels so taxing. Hang in there and come vent when needed. I have worked with kids a lot too and part of what makes it so hard is that each one is a completely different individual. Hopefully you can find an answer or at least a way to deal with it all.

Some one recently was saying their 4 or 5 year old son keeps coming into their room crying because he has an erection. He won't settle etc. They can't figure out why, other than he must be more sensitive.

i AM soooooooooooooooooooooooooOO F******G SICK OF REPEATING MYSELF!TEO WONT LEAVE THE BABY ALONE!i REPAT MYSEF 300 MILLION TIMES A DAY 'TEO LEAVE HER ALONE', 'TEO GET OUT OF HER FACE' TEO STOP MESSING WITH THE BABY'. He WONT F******g Listen! I have started sendin him upstairs which feels mean tome and I KNOW he feels angry and left out when I do it but I CANT just LET him do what he's doing it's dangerous and REALLY REALLY annoyng.I have tried involving him,for example when I have been feedig the baby recently I have tried tolet him pu the spoon in her mouth but he wont let me hold it with him and if I let go he goes WAY to fast,doesn't let her suck the spoon and get all the creal and THEn he shoves it back in the bowel and puts WAY to much on.I try to help control this but like I said he gets all huffy.

I ve tried explaining things VERY slowy and clearly so that he understands.I have tried yelling,screaming,taking away toys,spanking EVERYTHING,and every F******g day is the same frustrating f****G mess of my bloodpresure about to go off the charts becuase of the stress and yelling.Hubby has been home all this week and he sais he doesnt know how I deal with it coz it would drive him insane

I have read so many books,watched examples on super nanny,listened to advice.I DON't KNOW what to do riht now.I know that paise is VERY important to someon like my son,HOWEVER,I have to find something to praise him for aside from his drawings.His BEHAVIOUR is AWFUL,he yells (JUST LIKE ME) at me and only repsects his dadbecause his dad will yell once andthen spank him.I have nded up letting so much go and repeating myself because I cant e bothered to get up 15 millions times a day.I have just had it up to here!Sorry for the negative rant it's jut been a particularly hard week.I need to get back on track I just wish someone had a magic wand to make my son happy and secure enough to LEAVE THE BABY the HEL aloe during the day.I wouldn't mind if he played nicely and gently with her but what he does is,he gets RIGHT up in her face,and sais the same thing over and ver again in a stupid hight voice until you cant ignore it and it grates on yours nerves and you want to scream 'SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!' He doesnt play gently,depsite a MILLION explanations.he's too rough and takes things from her and bumps heads with her.H is almost 5 years old and I am terrified to leave them in a room alone together for more thn 10 seconds.I litterey cant go and pee without sending him to find or do something.Is this normal?Is it me? :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry: :angry:

Anway,bad tme of the year,no money for a docs visit.Sorry for the rant guys!Needed o get it out

Angel, I am so sorry you are having a difficult time. It's so hard when you need to see a doctor, but can't. You are a great mum, and I think that you are very consistent and that this is something you have to push through. I love ya, and I would call you but I have no voice at all :(

xxx

Oh Angel, I am soo sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I have no advice for you :cry: But I will send you a big I hope things get better!

Thanks,I have calmed down now n feel a bit better,he has just gone to bed and I hope he stays there now.Phew what a day.

Have you thought about taking him in Angel and getting him tested and treated for ADHD?
I think you need to talk to his doctor about what's going on at home. Sometimes I'm sure they grow out of it, but other times they don't. I know you don't want to risk behaivor problems once he gets to school, it's better to address it now hun.

Thinking of you...

OK,so I was going to write a brand new post.But I wanted people to see this thread and remember just how BAD it WAS for me before,as well as myself.It's easy to take things for granted and forget how bad things were when they get better,it just makes me appreciate what I am about to explain even more;

About 2 months ago,my life was hellacious,I was beyond stressed out.everyday was an exausting uphill struggle and it all revolved around one thing.My son Teo.Just to recap his symptoms for you guys,everyday I would deal with;

*constant fights
* a child who from the age of 2 ish onwards couldn't listen to instructions or follow them
* A child who couldn't/wouldn't sit still ANYWHERE EVER,at ANY time,
* a child who constantly climbed all over furniture
* a child who embaressed me in public by screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs if I asked him to do something simple like come with me,get in the car,put his shoes on
* a child who couldn't do simple things like put socks on,the mere request brough about tears,screaming,a 20 minute fight that ended with him crying,me yelling and ending up doing it for him
* an agressive kid who was always angry
* a destructive child who did not respond to any form of punishment depsite all the books I had read,including time out,taking away toys,rewarding him with praise when he behaved well which is extremely hard when he pretty much did NOTHING well ALL day for days
* an angry kid who would yell and scream over the tiniest issue
*A child who could NOT COPE with everyday issue like having a stuffy nose would keep him awake ALL night and have him screaming and yelling hitting his own face to 'make it go away'
*A kid who when put in time out (the bathroom at the time coz he couldnt stay on the steps or a chair) destroyed the towel rail,the cabinet doors,the main door (gouging a hole into it) pulled out lightbulbs,squeezed all the soap/shamppoo and toothpaste all over the counters and floor and put his hands in the toilet to play with the water and lifted of the top of the cistern.understand why I gave up putting him in time out after about 6 weeks of trying?
* A litte boy who we couldnt take ANYWHERE as the stress level for his father and I reached a fever pitch becaise of his anger,distruction,dissobedience and general inability to keep still and his hands to himself.
*A kid who some times seemed to loose the ability to speak and comminicate,instead resorting to squealing and making gutteral,animal like noises.

I began reading books,most of which suggested he checked ALL the boxed for ADHD.I read and read convinced we didn't want to put him on medication and if we took him to a doctor (Becaise he fit the ADHD bill so well) they would have for sure put him on ritalin or some other drug.I was terrified of going down that path and felt itthats something was causing this and if i only foudn out what it was,I could fix it.I found some resources in a wonderful book and it was a link to the feingold diet site www.feingold.org .I was sceptical but had a look at the site and only when I started to read some of the testimonials did I start to open up to the idea that this might help.Most of the kids they were descriing...were ...well..Teo.In varying degrees of intensitity but none the less.It was my son all over.One of the links to the site,included a book called 'why won't my child behave,why can't he cope,why can't she learn?' Intrigues I clicked on the link which allowed you to read the first 50 pages without actually purchasing the book.I began to read it and I will copy and paste the paragraph that touched me and made me start sobbing all bymyself in front of the laptop while my son ran around making animal noises and boucing off the walls in the next room.

"Of all the sadness such a child brings into your life,I think the worst is that it's so hard to LIKE them.It isn't hard to love them;thats part of the job description,but what saddened me the most was that I found it so difficult to LIKE this little girl I had wanted so much." (here's the link to the rest if you want to read it http://www.feingold.org/Whyone.pdf)

I was heartbroken by the one thing that lady pointed out.I would never have admitted it,or even allowed myself to think it outloud,it was there,but I kept pushing it away.What kind of mother DOESN't like her kid.Keeps trying to send him away.,locking the door behind her sometimes just to escape.I was riddeled with guilt over this feeling I had been trying to shakeever since this whole things started,my patience had been on empty with him for so long.I didn't LIKE being around my own child.He annoyed me,he made me angry ALL day,with brief 2 minute burts of peace or love I suppose.I was so distraught at the way I felt that I couldn't even acknowledge it until I read this.It was so true for me.At that moment I finally let myself feel it.I also understood after reading the whole book and many more smaller stories and examples,that it wasn't my son's fault.There was nothing 'wrong' with him.He was in fact chemically sensitve.Ok,I wasn't sure of that at the time,but I was willing to bet anything that this was at least some of the problem.So...

Without hesitation,I bought the materials (which consits mainly of a few books that explain the diet,how it works,what to get and which products are safe) in a nutshell,some if not most children,even adults have some kind of sensitivity to 'chemicals' (hence the name chemically sensitive) by chemicals they mean; preservatives (TBHQ and some others) dyes and colourings even 'natural ones' and other 'additives' othewise unnames.The main reason you need the books is that some food companies do not list these thigns because they are either not considered dangerous or harmful or in a large enough quantity to be of effect to anyone.The feingold shopping guide researches this extensively and only approves them once fully researched,finding ALL the ingredients,directly from the food companies.

Just a couple of interesting points here before I continue;

* Only When 'chemicals' such as the above were introduced (in the last 50-70 years) have things like ADHD,autism,allergies,chronic ear /respitory infections,asthma and many other little things either come into existence or skyrocketed.As we become more convience based (using ready made foods,take out etc...) these numbers keep rising and rising.
*I moved here from France and there isn't HALF the amount of rrady made,preserved stuff over there,let alone fast food,we had to drive an hour to the nearest mcdonals where we lived so evertything was bought,made from scratch,fresh produce with the odd sauce that had a preservative/colouring in it.In france ADHD,allergies and autism,although present are MUCH rarerADHD especilaly is virtually unheard of. (interestin to note that) we have JUST as much pollen (some days my car would be completely coevere in yellow dust but we never sneezed) when we first moved to the states,my son had a wheezy cough,that neccessitated cough suppressant EVERYnight to stop him coughing until he puked AND a humidifier.He had chest xrays,blood tests and everyting else,in the end,no answer was found and it was blamed on 'allergies' He had never had one in his life before and in France,we slept with windows open,no AC and like I said high pollen counts.I always thought that odd until now,looking back I believe his little body had a big 'reaction' to the sudden change in food or the chemicals I introduced within them

Anyway...moving on...

We began the diet,within 4 days,things began to change,little thing at first.It's a shame I didn't write them all down because you always notcie when things are bad but when they get better you tend to just accept it and not comment,but here are some of the noted changes I have recorded;

We now have a son who;

* Obeys commands without fuss (MOST of the time) such as 'brush your teeth' (he can do this ALONE now )
* Can get dressed entirely by himself INCLUDING socks without a 20-40 minute fight including yelling and screaming and crying and being threatened.
* His motor skills are a lot better (hence the getting dressed alone)
*He no longer constantly squeals/makes the animal noises
* His speech is a lot more clear and instead of babblig incoherently,he can hold a real conversaton and make observatiobs about everything
* he is sweet,affectionate and caring.He asks how people are doing,He is polite and very charming,people who meet him tell me he's adorable
* He behaves himself (mostly) while we're out and I am no longer afraid to take him places
* He comes up to me and gives me hugs and tells me he loves me all the time
* He is WAY better at not messing with the baby and is no longer spiteful to her
*His 'accidents' havn't happened in quite a while (he had started to poop on the floor in the bathroom)
* He LISTENS to me now when I explain something and it ACTUALLY GOES IN.He thinks about what I say and often comes up with an intelligent answer
*He is overall much calmer
* I only have to tell him maybe once a week,not to climb on the couch rather than ALL day and when I do,he gets down straihght away even appolgising.
* He asks me if he can help me clean :O ,I know,shocker right
* He is alert and observant about everything and takes it in.
* Things that used to be a 'big deal' to him,he now copes with,such as going to bed,he goes now without argument.
* Last time he had a cold (while on the diet) he wasn't awake all night screaming,some of you must rememer the storys.He complains but it's 90% less
* he canplay with other kids and interact without it being a drama and me worrying about him saying/doing something awful.
* HE shares and plays nicely
* he no longer runs everywhere and stomps his feet.If I ask him to be quiet,he generally does it
* he seems to learn from his mistakes (break something...you don't get a new one or you respect your toys)
* I ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH MY SON!!!!! He no longer drives me insane.I no longer have to hide from him or lock him out of the room while I tear my hair out.He is a sweetheart,I knew he was in there.He was just trapped behind these terrible side effects,he is a different child and I only regret not figuring it out sooner.He was always upset and or angry and to him it must have been like being on drugs the whole time.He didn't understand and couldnt control himself or his feelings at all and he was always being yelled at or sent away.
* he is happy and smiley most of the time.the only time we have the odd tantrum,or issue,I have figured out,is when he gets tired or is just being a 'normal 5 year old' I am finally allowed to see and experience what that is.

I am so happy,I can safely say after this time that I have my sweet son back and I would recommend anyone who had had any of the above issues to try it,or keep it in mind for the future in case you see this happe to your kid or someone elses.After reading all that I have read.I am pretty confident that although ADHD symtoms exist (my son had them ALL) there may well not be an actual brain disorder that causes it.I trully believe it could be causes by either,diet,a family sitation or another chemical (such as heavy metals;copper/lead overdose/sensitibyt) my other book explains about that too.The sad thing for me to see is,SO many kids are diagnosed with ADHD and most of the parents,so distressed and grounf down by doctord and teachers,don't know any better and put there kids on drugs and I have t say,while it may help a little or for a while.It's like putting a band aid on a severed artery,if you don't deal with the real source and fix it properly,it won't ever go away,but what these drugs DO do,is put a strain on the heart,cause a comedown and possibly make the kid have low self esteem because as they become teens and later adults,they feel the only way that they are 'acceptable' to society is to be taking some kind of drug.Many studies that I have read say that kids who are given behavioural drugs such as ritalin,become drug addicts and are FAR more likley to have drug problem later in life that other kids because of this I am not trying to make anyone feel bad who DOES use them,just making them aware of soem possibilities.Drugs are useful in there place,but I AM SO WILLING TO BET<that if all the kids in the states were put on this diet ( had their blood tested for sentivities to the metals/mould and the other things listed) that 90% would be either cured or WAY improved,they say on the site that the question is not weather the diet will help,but HOW MUCH.IN my opinion,it's well worth a try for a couple of months and if it doesnt work,then find...move on but,if just changing what your kid eats could make them better,I think it's well worth it and I have to say first hand.It has worked for us and we are not going back now.

So there you have it,sorry I wrote a book.I have been meaning to post for some time but wanted to wait to make sure it was the diet.My MIL sais he has 'grown out of it' yeah,he has done a complete 180 in the space of 3 weeks (when we last saw her) as well as being uprooted again,if anything he should be more unsettled.Anyway...I am sorry if I come of as braggy or militant.I just wish more people knew about this and would give it a try.What we eat DOES affect us in so many ways,just like aclohol or someone who has a peanut allergy is senitive,we ALL have things that affect our chemical make up/bodies,whatever you want to call it.We're all different and so much of what we eat,the prudcuts we wash our clothes,floors and selevs with have things in them that are not 'natural'.It's common sense really but we just wave it away as it's not a 'known' thing and often dismissed by doctors and the 'bigger' fish who we entrust with our health and happniess...I'm here to say...question it,trust your gut and know that 'they' don't know everything and have all the answers! I am so happy and so is my son.!Thanks for reading!

HOLI!!!! First up, Well done babe! you are sounding soooo much happier in that post since your first! Also good work for going with your instincts and following through with a more natural approach as a lot of mothers would try and find the easy way out and just put their child on medication. That paragraph that you posted from the book i can relate to so much, especially at the moment, i know that sounds horrible. jess is no where near as bad as what Teo was but he is one very upfront little boy who likes to have everything his way or no way, actually its got to be his way or its a screaming match. i might just have to have a good read on that sight and get some ideas.
Im soo proud of you and am sooo happy to see that teo is now that dream child. I wouldnt say it was a 180 turn around i would be saying its a complete 360!!!!
Once again, good on you hunny, and by the way, would love to see some more pics of the two gorgeous kiddies!!!! its been a while! lol.

love ya xxx

Thanks T,you're right it has been a while.I'm gonna post some now.I have some from when my dad n bro visited this weekend,of them with the kids.By the way,lots of people on the outside have commented on Teo's change too.EVen long distance,like my mum on the phone,she when she talks to him that he makes sense and is much calmer and clearer.
When we went to visit my MIL tho,about 3 weeks ago.I couldnt resist gloating a little said 'see what a change there is?' and she sais 'yeah well,like I said I think he's grown out of it' I was SO upset...If only she knew...but anyway

Well done Holi. I am so glad things are looking up with Teo. Don't sweat it about your mil - some grandmas have to be in denial that their grandkids have problems that need dealt with. Just ignore her comments, you know how much you have helped Teo and you see the proof of it right in front of you, with or without her validation.

Holi, it makes me so incredibly happy to read this. I am so glad that you, Teo, Daddy, and Tia-li are so much happier. I agree 100 percent that people need to consider other alternatives before just sticking their kids on medication. Well done, you are a great mummy!

Holi this is amazing!! What a story and good for you for searching out these answers and trying it. Were there a lot of things you had to change in your diet? It is really fascinating. But the main thing is that you cared enough to go through this, do the research and do the work to change his diet, and you're now seeing the results!! I'm so glad to hear how much better Teo has been, and how much less stressful it's been for you. Sounds like it's really a night and day change!! Great job sweetie. xoxo

Thanks guys.Well no,pretty much everything you eat on a daily bassis can be found in the finegold shoppng guid,it may be a slightly different version or brand than you are used to,but overall,we havn't had to change much.I cook more than usual BUT its FAR more important to me to take a little time to cook than to stuff junk down his throat for the convienience and then have everyone have to suffer the consequences! So,I am realypleased overall!

You can see pretty much what it entails in the FAQ section of the site www.feingold.org