it might be over

well just thought i would bring this topic back up to explain why i might not post a whole lot. its a very long story and i havent even talked to charles since i found out, but he basically broke all my trust in him while i was in california with our daughter. i dont know if he fnucked her or not, but he cheated either way. i just dont know what to do. why did i have to fall in love with an asshole?

Do what's best for you, don't fall for his lies. Make your own decisions! I know you'll want Kaydance and #2 to have a daddy around, but it's you that has to live with him. Do what is best for you. I know you love him

Honey, they're all assholes at one time or another. I'm sorry for the difficulties. Charles needs to grow up....NOW.

OMG Nika :'( I am SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW TERRIBLE!!! I am really sorry Men do stupid things and I cannot believe he would do that I am very sorry.

Honey
I am SO very sorry you are dealing with this! I don't understand why so many men think this type of behavior is acceptable and why some WOMEN like to go after men that are married or in serious relationships!
Please know we are all thinking of you and we want you to keep posting so we can help you out!

*hugs*

Hey Nika...I'm sorry shit is bad...you want to come over from tuesday onwars I am alone.We have a spare room with 2 very comfy blow up beds.YOu are welcome if you need to get away for a couple of days.

thanks guys. this is so hard. i dont know what to think or what to do.

to sum it up, he met up with the same girl that caused all our problems before. back then he was basically spending WAY to much time with her, and saying very innapropriate things and kissed her.

he did the same thing again, so he says thats as far as it went.

then he sent responses to craigslist ads that were VERY explicit about what he wanted to do to these women in bed, very graphic. very hard to read.

so anyways. (most of this part is copied and pasted from AWH if you already read it there...)

last
night when he got home, i was in the bathroom (since i pee 300 times a
day) and his FB messages were open on the computer, which he obviously
saw that i saw. i heard a big crash, had no idea what it was and came
out of the bathroom to find that he threw his bottle of soda and was
sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

i asked him how
many times he cheated on me while i was gone. he didnt try to make any
excuses or get around it, but i still cant help but wonder if it was
the whole truth, ya know? he said he went out with her the one time and
they hung out and they kissed once and he stopped there and immidiately
regretted it. again, this is his word, i DO believe that they only
kissed, but i dont know if i believe thats all he intended to do. i
just dont know.

i asked him about the craigslist ads and he
said that he was just really bored and wasnt going to follow up on them
no matter what, it was just a way to kill time. i asked him why he
couldnt find a better more productive way to kill time that wouldnt
hurt me so bad. he just bought a brand new $50 guitar hero game, why
didnt he play that??

there was a lot of crying, mostly on my
part, a little on his. i asked him if he had any idea just how much he
has hurt me AGAIN? i asked him to put himself in my shoes, how would he
feel, what would he do? i said how would you like it if you went out of
town working or something for less than a week and came back to find
out i had talked in that manner to ANY other man? how would he like it
if i sent out messages to ANYONE describing what i want to do to their
cock or that i wanted to ride them all night, weather i had any
intention of doing it or not? if i had blantently gone on a date with
someone else, and kissed them, been with them, offered to fnuck them??
how would he have liked that? he said he had never thought about it
like that and he felt like a piece of sh!t.

i said are you
happy with me and our family, or are you missing out on something. i
said if you are going to feel this way or pull this sh!t or arent
happy, you need to leave right now. he said he didnt know why he did
it, and he regrets it and doesnt want her or love her. he wants me and
loves me.

we talked about a LOT more, like how i have been
unhappy for a while since he never helps me with anything and i feel
more like a house maid and a sex toy sometimes than a fiance and a
lover. i said a lot, i just dont know if i want to type it ALL out on
here (plus it would take a million years)

i didnt leave last
night. i told him how close i was. and that its not over yet. we are
taking this one weekend a day at a time to see if i can ever fathom
staying here with him. i just dont know. i want to believe him, i want
to try but i dont know if i can. he said he thought i would have been
gone already with what i knew. i do wonder if i have made the wrong
decision. i just dont know.

we slept in this morning (thanks
kaydee!) and then he got up with her and i got up a few min later (i
wasnt sleepy anymore). he needed to return a friends ride on lawn mower
that he borrowed last weekend so he said that since he had to leave and
felt bad about it he was gonna take kaydee with him and give me some
time to be by myself (that never happens, this is the first time i
think he has ever taken kaydee anywhere by himself, and the fact that
he offered does mean something to me as usually i will ask him to take
her somewhere and he wont). he said when he got home in about an hour
he was going to make pancakes and bacon and all of that big spread for
breakfast.

he did try to initiate sex this morning and i
couldnt bring myself to do that just yet. it just felt to soon. i didnt
so much turn him down and i just didnt really react to his cues. then
kaydee woke up. i wanted to but i felt like i couldnt.

am i
making a huge mistake by staying here? i told him i didnt want him to
think i was just a pushover he could keep kicking to the ground over
and over again, and i would just get up and dust myself off every time.
i said if he thinks that i will leave right now this minute. he said he
didnt, but why would he say any different? i just dont know.

i am going to play this weekend by ear and see how i feel. things may still change quite a bit by monday.

i just wish i didnt love an asshole so damn much.

Nika...You need to get through the weekend and monday,then come over with Kaydee (maybe after work?) and justhang out with us,you are welcome to stay the night,we are not far from you at all to drive to work in the morning,I think perhaps it would a) give you time to think AWAY from him and b) perhaps give him a jolt into realising how serious you are...It's up to you but we would love to have you and kaydee at LEAST for a night and you are very welcome whenever,I think it would do you good ,think about it...I will PM you my cell if you havn't got it still Let me know hun.Eveyrthing will be fine! xxx

I have to agree with Angel. I am not saying leave him but maybe give you and him a break for a couple of days, give you both time to think things through. Plus it may make him realise just how much he has hurt you and make him see how serious this really is. Thinking of you hunny.

Holi, i have to say that's incredibly generous of you to offer that to Nika.

holi, that is EXTREMELY generous of you. i might take you up on that depending on what happens this weekend. i just dont want to promise anything to anyone seeing as i dont know how i will feel even 10 minutes from now. i hope that makes sense, im not trying to blow off you offer, i really hope you know what i mean. i will def chat with you on MSN sometime.

he is on very good behavior today, but
thats to be expected. we still havent talked more but kaydee just went
down for her nap, so now would be a good opportunity.

he took
her with him to return the ride on mower he borrowed from our friend and coworker last weekend and drop the trailer off at the shop,
and was back within an hour like he said he would be. he took kaydance for the ride to spend time with her and give me some space and "me time". thats a start
right there, in the past he would leave for "an hour" and be gone all
day. who knows if thats because he wanted to keep his word, or if it
was because he had the baby with him. but either way i appreciated it.

he
then did fix us the brunch he promised, again surprised me, he never
follows through with things like that. he made pancakes and bacon and
eggs. it was very good, kaydance loved it.

we just finished
eating and i just laid kaydee down for her nap, im sitting on the porch
right now, ive been smoking way to much in the past two days that is
healthy for anyone. i need to stop doing that for me and for the baby,
but its just to damn hard right now.

now i will go inside and see what happens...

no worries hun.I know you're not blowing me off.Just want you to know that you can come here if need be.Just let me know and you are very welcome,might do you good.Take your time,think things through,discuss them and see how it goes.I'm here if you need

Wow Nika, i didnt know this was going on, im sosorry hun!!!!
You have a lot to think about right now you poor thing. Just do it for yourself sometimes the right thing hurts more but is better in the long run. Keep safe and im here if you need to chat xo

hi everyone, i havent updated this in FOREVER im sorry!

i didnt read back, i honestly cant remember if i posted here when i was preg with julie and he cheated on me with leigh again. we went to counseling after that, tried to work through our problems, went to marriage counseling too with the pastor before we got married...

anyways, here are my most recent 3 posts from my other forum.

well things had been going great.

last night i went to kiss him goodnight and when i leaned over the computer (he was on facebook) i noticed he was talking to Leigh. when he came to bed, i asked nicely, who were you chatting with? he named off 2 of his car buddies, and that was it. then he asked whats wrong? cause i stayed quiet and i honestly didnt know what to say so i stayed quiet. he stayed quiet for a bit and looked at me, and then let it go.

i went back out into the playroom (where the laptop is) later and logged onto his FB and she was still online so it let me open the chat back up. they bullshitted for a bit and then he asked something along the lines of do you think we would have worked out if i we had hooked up before kids (i totally paraphrased that) and then before i could see anything else, kaydee woke up and i had to log off and get her, and then leigh was offline and so i couldnt access the chat, and then this morning after he left for work it was gone. (i got up with the kids about 5 min before he left for work)

my sister said he was on the computer this morning, i think he deleted it.

i dont know what to think or what to say.

i thought we were over this.

its really getting under my skin and affecting me negatively. im really upset. he was talking to her, im sure it was inappropriate, and he lied about it.

hes been really shady the past 2 weeks, going out on the weekends and sleeping all day and not being a part of the family unless i really make him. and this past friday he already said he was going to stay home, then he got a few texts (from a car buddy, of course...) and decided he was going to go out after all, and of course stayed out till after i was in bed even though i stayed up pretty damn late.

my head is spinning, im not sure what to think.

hey guys. im sorry i didnt update sooner! im one of those people i hate who posted and then left everyone hanging, sorry!!! i have read the replies, and yes i am aware of what a support group i have, i LOVE all of you, thank you all so much for taking the time to actually read this and even respond and be there for me, and to help me through all of this!

well that night i asked him why he lied, and he was like, about what? i said about who you were chatting with on FB. and he looked weird for a min and was like, ooooh yeah i did talk to leigh for a min. i didnt say anything inappropriate though, and i was trying to get a hold of her boyfriend cause he was gonna help me work on my car. and i was like, ok well do you do that often, cause it really upsets me when you talk to her AT ALL. you have to understand that. and he said that was the first time i have talked to her since before julie was born and we had problems about it. i kinda dropped it at that point. i just wanted to let it settle, even though i was still slightly uneasy and see where things go.

yeah i know, stupid. meh

anyways, im pissed off for another reason now. kinda a long story, not sure what im doing now though, im still upset and i am 99% sure when he gets home from work tonight hes gonna just act like nothing ever happened, as hes famous for doing.

this saturday we had a babysitter lined up (my mom lol, but still) so we could go ice skating. he promised me 5 years ago when we first started dating, he would go ice skating, we still havent. last week i asked if we could finally go ice skating sometime soon he said yes, thats fine. so then i told him i had my mom babysitting so we could go on a date, and he was like cool, what do you want to do, and i said ice skating, and he wasnt thrilled by any means, but he said thats fine. i was SO EXCITED all week.

saturday rolls around, and hes being weird all day, my mom finally comes and hes still not dressed and i was like do you even want to go, and he says no. he doesnt want to go ice skating. i got all pissy and he went to the bathroom, and was there for freakin ever (men!) and finally came back out and was dressed at least, and then was like well do you want to just go bowling, cause he said hed rather just stay home than go ice skating. so we go bowling, we had fun, i was just disappointed.

that night his friends call and he says hell ask the wife and then come hang out, so he gets ready to leave and i said, you forgot to ask the wife... so he asks and i was like, i dont want you staying out all night and sleeping all day tomorrow. and he says, i wont, i promise. he said and i QUOTE "i will get up with you and the girls tomorrow morning when you get up, no matter how late i go to bed, and i plan on coming home decently early"

i stayed up till he got home 1am (so early...) so we both got the SAME amount of sleep. girls get up, he kinda wakes up, stays in bed. i took the girls out the the playroom and got some breakfast for everyone, still no charles. i went in there and asked if he was actually going to get out of bed, and he says i have a headache, and im like of course you do, you do every weekend morning. ARGH. so then at 9am i go in there and hes still in bed watching tv and i had a TON to do around the house to get ready for a cook out we were having that night, and so i said, can you just take kaydee to church and i will keep julie home in the hopes she will take a nap so i can get more done, its sooooo much easier to get stuff done without kaydee hanging onto me lol.

he says, oh well i was gonna stay home and study (hes got a test a work, for his drilling license on monday (today haha)), and i was like, ok so were you planning on telling me you werent even going to come to church? and he says theres no fucking law i have to go every week, and i was like no theres not, but still it would be nice to know, seriously. so i got pissed and walked out again, he still didnt get out of bed in time for church so me and liana (my sister) took the girls by ourselves, and julie was tired, so it was really hard (cause liana had disc replacement surgery in her neck so she cant lift or really hold julie cause shes a big huge heffer baby) so i had no one to pass her back and forth with to try and keep her calm.

anyways, we get home, i go in the bedroom to change from church clothes to something i can clean in and hes still in bed, and i stared at him for a few min, and he wouldnt even look at me, so i just left the room, was super pissy but also just wanting to cry at the same time.

finally at like 2 in the ffucking afternoon i go in there and said are you at least going to get out of bed to cook out tonight or should i call everyone and tell them not to even come anymore, and he said, yeah ill grill, just let me know when to start. im like, ok your gonna stay in bed till then?!?! and hes like i dunno. i didnt even want to talk to him at that point so i was like @$%*@* it and walked out all mad as hell. he knew how much i had to get done and i have both the kids.

so finally at like 3pm i went in there and looked at him and said what the fnuck is wrong with you. theres got to be something wrong, youve been in bed ALL DAMN DAY. he says no not really, i wont lie. and i said then why the @$%*@* are you still in bed? he says no reason really, just laying here. i said why the hell did you tell me last night you would get up with me and the girls then??? he says well ive been awake since 7:30 this morning, and i said you know, you might as well have just stayed asleep, cause whats the fucking point of even "waking up" if your going to sit in bed all day long??? he had no answers for me, so i said well whatever i hope you enjoyed your fucking day cause i sure as hell didnt. (meanwhile i had cleaned up the entire playroom, got all the crap out of the kitchen, did all the dishes, cleaned off the table and countertop, got most the rest of the house ready for company, all while kaydee is at my feel pulling on me being a damn brat throwing fits all day long, she knows she supposed to see daddy on the weekends, and at one point she even asked me if he was at work today, and i said no babe, hes in the bedroom you can go see him, and she came back crying after like 5 min, so im sure he told her to leave him alone)

i dont know, im still so fnucking pissed off about this. i feel like a single mom most the time. its like why does he get to lay in bed all damn day long??? when do i get to do that? why cant he get up when i tell him and he KNOWS i need help?? let alone, doesnt he want to spend time with his family?? why does he even have a family?!?!?! i dont fnucking get it.

i have to decide what i want to do, but living like this is NOT what i want, im not very happy at all. i have a lot of thinking to do so we can talk tonight but i already know its gonna be a huge fight cause hes going to come home, act like nothing ever happened and then be like, omg why are you mad at me, what did i do and make me feel guilty for not having forgot the whole things already.

im still feeling very uneasy and distrustful now too. i feel like i want to see his phone to see who he has been texting, but theres no point, either he isnt talking to her or hes finally wised up enough to delete messages that arent from his car buddies.

ARGH.

sorry that was so long

i meant to add, right after i talked to him around 3 i went outside to smoke, and was gonna go talk to him again but when i came in the house he was up and in the playroom and then people started to show up for the cookout so i left it alone and put on the happy face for the party and he was trying to be all lovey and affectionate and stopped myself from shoving him since people were over, but honestly was not all lovey and affectionate back.

doing a lot of soul searching today.

Aw, Nika. So, sorry all of this is going on. It just sounds like me and my exhusband eons ago. I won't tell you what I think you should do, and I won't tell you what I thought back then when it happened to me, but I'll tell you this, I wish I had listened to my womanly gut instincts, instead of hung around waiting for "slap you in the face proof". Because he didnt respect me long before I ever found proof that he was cheating, and so should have left his sorry a@@ way back then. Oops, I said I wouldn't tell you what I think you should do . You're such a great nice person. Well, big hugs to you, Julie, and Kaydee as you progress through this how you see fit.

Aw, Nika. So, sorry all of this is going on. It just sounds like me and my exhusband eons ago. I won't tell you what I think you should do, and I won't tell you what I thought back then when it happened to me, but I'll tell you this, I wish I had listened to my womanly gut instincts, instead of hung around waiting for "slap you in the face proof". Because he didnt respect me long before I ever found proof that he was cheating, and so should have left his sorry a@@ way back then. Oops, I said I wouldn't tell you what I think you should do . You're such a great nice person. Well, big hugs to you, Julie, and Kaydee as you progress through this how you see fit.

Nika - I really hate to hear this is going on!!!!
I just want to know WHY DO MEN DO THESE THINGS!!!!!!???????
And, as a mother to a boy, how do I keep my son from doing this to his future wife and children?!!!!!

I don't have any wonderful advice for you especially since I'm not in your situation but my sister has been going through something similar her entire marriage (7 years) and she finally divorced him (after MUCH soul searching) and has moved on.
No mother wants to raise her children alone but you also deserve the opportunity to meet someone that does want to be apart of the family - and there are some good men out there!!!!

I'm thinking of you. I know you have a lot to think about. xoxo

thank you lou lou. and you too cherry.

ok well he finally got home from work at 11:15 last night, and i was in bed just watching tv though, not sleeping yet.

he came into the bedroom and asked me if i was still mad at him. i said yes. i told him i feel completely alone, and as though he doesnt care about my feelings. i told him he just does whatever he wants, even if he knows it will upset me. he gets home from work and will go work on his car or mow the lawn or whatever he wants to do before he even comes in the house and says hi to his wife and kids. he goes out on the weekends, breaks promises, has fun, sleeps the whole next day, or watches tv and ignores the family. i told him that he does everything he wants to do, makes sure all his stuff is taken care of, hangs with his friends, does whatever he wants, and THEN when all thats over, then hes a family man. he just does as he pleases and then expects his family to be happily waiting for when hes ready to spend some small amount of time with us. i said you keep on doing that, and just watch, cause one of these times soon enough, your family isnt going to be here waiting anymore.

i told him im tired of having the same fight over again. and i am NOT having this fight again. i told him he either prioritizes his family first, or his family will be gone and he can have his life...

he said he was sorry, he didnt realize how much he had been taking advantage of his freedom. he doesnt want to loose his family, and he couldnt believe he had fucked up again. he said from now on his family comes first. i said yeah, for how long this time. he said forever. i said you know this is your last chance right? im NOT doing this again. im tired of feeling like this. he said he understood and he was going to be here for his family.

we will see how things go... i also told him that my ENTIRE life is the kids. no matter what, i HAVE to be there for them, and i LOVE them more than anything, but i dont have ANY me time. at all. in fact, if i finally got some, i dont think id know what to do with it... i said, does that seem fair?? you go out with friends AT LEAST once a week, and have at least once day a week to sleep in. you work on your car without the kids, you do what you like to do. i said its been well over a year since i have been able to do anything of the sort. and before the only reason i could was cause kaydee was in daycare...

hes supposed to be making a concious effort to be here for his family, listen to my needs, and think about everyones feelings and schedules before he goes and does whatever the hell he wants. hes supposed to be making some time for me too, to spend time with me, and for me to spend time without the kids now and then too.

i certainly hope he means everything hes said, and i certainly made myself clear too, that if this starts happening again, im done. as much as it would hurt, because i love him to death, and i love our family and would hate for anything to happen to it, im not going to be miserable so that we can be a family when he wants us to be.