Expanding your family?

So, Friday night my DH and I went to dinner and he announced to me that he either wants us to have another baby right away or not at all.



I wasn't prepared for this. I am NOT ready to have another baby and I don't know if I ever will but I'm also not ready to make a permanent decision!

I know some of you are planning on having more children. How many more do you want to have? Is there anyone out there not planning to have more? Do you mind sharing why?!

Thanks!

wow, thats a heavy thing to take in over dinner!!! did he give you any reason he wants one now or never?? (sorry i cant really help much, im sure my ticker explains my views on expanding the family LOL!)

hey lou lou, gonna try to nurse and type...

i do not want anymore children, but having said that, i also have a 9 year old stepson. I love thane and blaine more than life itself, but the thought of being pg again scares me and doesn't sound too fun anymore Ray is 38 and i am 31 and i just feel like we should be done.if he decided he wanted more i probably would...but i don't know :S

I grew up with 5 kids in my family and it was the most fun i could ever imagine i love my bros and sisters more than anything!!! it was soooo much fun and i think it would be a great idea to have them close in age so, if you are gonna do it, i highly recommend it!

I am just worn out cuz thane is a very strong willed baby and i couldn't handle two like him blaine is my calm one

but anyway, i hope that helped some...i think it would be wonderful for Owen to have a sibling

Nikia - He says he wants to get it over with and start having fun. (When I type it out it sounds so cold but he wasn't being cold about it!) I think he feels like life is on hold a little bit right now and he will be 38 this year and I think he is feeling a little old.

We both have large families. We are both the oldest of 4 and I LOVE my brothers and sister and he loves his sisters!

I dunno. I'm just not ready!!!!! Pregnancy was really hard on my body and I don't know if I would be able to take care of Owen. Honestly! I had such horrific back pain I could barely walk most days. I wanted to wait until Owen was walking really well and able to communicate with me more easily - I was thinking I *might* want to have another once Owen turns 2.

That's such a tough decision. Sorry you had a tough pregnancy, if you were to get pregnant again maybe you could try acupuncture for back pain? Here, the NHS do actually refer people to acupuncture for physical pain. My mum said it helped a lot for her neck pain (which she said she would rather give birth than have neck pain).

Obviously I don't have kids, but I think having a sibling is important. Not only do they grow up having some one else to talk to and play with, they also learn great people skills. From my experience with people who are an only child, they lack many, many people skills. I realise this doesn't apply to all people who have no siblings, but that's my experience.

Lou lou, I throw out my two cents even though I'm not a mother.

I have one brother who is 4 years older than me. No, he wasn't always a playmate for me, but I looked up to him a great deal. Maybe the advantage for my mother was that my brother didn't require as much care and she was better able to handle me as an infant. She never had two kids in diapers!

I do and don't sympathize with your DH "I'm getting old" complaint, lol. I'm 39 and hubby is 44, and as you know, we'd gladly welcome a baby despite our "old" age!

Hey Lou lou,

I think we have really close personalities in some sense. I wanted to have another baby only about 4-5 years after we had Audrey (because then Audrey would be in full time school and we wouldnt' have to worry about paying for 2 in daycare). BUT DF on the other hand wanted them close in age and lots of kids. We certainly cannot afford more kids, but now that he's gotten me pregnant sooo soon (YES his decision alone, didn't pull out GEEZE, haha) we are probably done now. I thought if we waited a few years, then had another one, I would of been fine having a 3rd even!!! But that was what I told him his choices were and he decided to have one sooo soon, so we will probably be done after this one. I think there will be good things with having both my children close in age, but then again it'll be tough, but the baby stage will be done with early and then we can enjoy the kids as they get older (so I can somewhat see where your hubby is coming from when he says he wants to have fun....babies are sooo demanding and as they get older they get more and more independent). Anyways with that being said, this is my situation, so I say, there is nothing wrong with having another so soon, but if you don't want another...I say tell him to get himself fixed....see if that will change his mind and maybe he will wait for you to be ready again

Lou Lou- That is a huge now or never ultimatum! I see that your DH is older and wants to get things out of the way.... but really waiting one more year isn't going to make that much difference in the long run. I think that perhaps if you can get him to understand that... it might help. Whether he is 56 or 58 before both of your kids are 18 and 21(that's just hypothetically if you were to decide to get pregnant when Owen is 2), there's not much difference.

I am also getting pressure from my DH to think about more kids. He knows that I want to space them out so they are about 2.5 years apart. The thing is... if I have a boy next I am really tempted to be done, but he wants to have 2 more kids and I just don't know if I can deal, as my pregnancy was really difficult too. I had to be put on bed rest in the first trimester because of bleeding and then again in the last trimester because of early labor!! So I can't even imagine what would happen if I had a repeat of my pregnancy AND a toddler, it would be a freaking nightmare.

It's such a hard decision to make... but surely if you wait just a little over a year to make the final decision of whether to have one more or not.... it won't make that much of a difference. Your DH will be in his late 50's give or take a year when your kids are grown.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks sooo much for your responses ladies! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one trying to figure out when to have the next one!

I think I'm going to try to back burner the topic until after Owen's birthday which is just 7 weeks from now (I'm so sad!)
and then really think about it and pray about it after that.

I just HONESTLY don't know what I want to do. I'm just not ready to decide one way or the other! I just want to make sure Owen has the BEST life possible and every decision my DH and I make effects him too! I want to give him the moon and my DH looks at that from a financial perspective - but isn't having a brother or sister PART of the moon too?!!
I guess I'm saying I *think* I want another one.... just not right now! Uh oh - I'm starting to ramble now!

Beth, I know how hard reading a topic like this must be - I used to feel the same way - especially if my friends with children complained about their kids..... I would have LOVED to be able to complain with them! : ) So, thank you for weighing in also!

Ok,well,this topic is rather close to home for me right now.Although I have not posted ALL the details.some of you may know that I badly messed up when I ovulated this month.and we ended up having sex right on the night/morning of O day.I thought (And DH thought) that I had O'd almost a week earlier,even though judging by my previous Af that really wouldnt have been possible.I am extrememly regular in my cycles and have been since the first period after baby girl was born 28-28-28-28 so based on this,I allow my chart on mycyle.com even though I dont temp,along with my ovulation pains,to be a rough guid for when I O.Its usually bang on,or at the worst,a day early in predicting .Anyway,What with the move,I messed up and we had this scare (DH did not pull out as he thought we were safe.So now,of course,even though my chances are very slim,I could be PREGNANT

I do not want to be pregnant,like you,I hate every physical aspect of it,I am either uncomfortable,nauseous,irritiable,tired or all of the above.I don't like gaining weight,I have JUST got my figure more or less back and as the baby is almost 9 months old,things are getting easier.I had thought (along with DH) that we would have three,but I have always thought,we might adopt the third or something along those lines seeing as I HATE being pregnant.The mere thought terrifies me and having to go throught the birth again,then the new born stage and of course,like you,having 2 babies still in diapers.I have a hard enugh time with housework as it is and have NO desire to put myself,or my family through and even more frazzled and tired/snappy me,a dirtier house,less frequent meals and all the rest that comes with it.I am praying that shows up,if she is good enough to.I will be temping like a trooper mark my words.But I also feel that IF I were pregnant,despite all my fears and being against it,We would cope,it might be difficult but we WOULD cope and that 'difficult" stage would NOT last for ever.I understand where your DH is coming from but I also see how it puts pressure on you to make a decision,and it IS a big decision.I am sorry you are in this situation.Perhaps ask dDH to give you 2-3 months to think about it and see how things go.I also want to have some fun,go out,not have to worry if baby is screaming for me (Shes very clingy) and you can do that much more comfortably with an older child (get them babysat) When we wanted to go out and leave Teo aged 3 upwards,he was never a problem,we could explain and he was quite happy to be left with whoever as long as he watched a DVD and then got a bedtime story.We never really worried.With a baby,you have to wait that bit longer before you feel that comfortable and knowing that they are not scared and wondering where mummy and daddy are and why they have been left (not saying they all think/feel that)for me,thats my worst guilt.I love this baby stage,but it's impossible for me to leave her with anyone because I know she is upset without me,unless she is asleep,I could get a sitter over for her bedtime,BUT if she wakes up (which she often does) and saw a stranger...anyway,you get the picture,it's hard to have fun and go out with a baby at home.

I dont really know what to suggest,I am sorry that it's a hard one.You will find the answer you want and either way,you willbe fine! YOu just have to make it through the 'tough' times,perhaps DH needs to consider if he's going to be more supportive to you during these tough times?

Lou Lou, I never meant to imply that I thought anyone was complaining about kids, and I hope you didn't think I meant that!

I guess my biggest advice is don't wait too long to make that decision. I'm afraid that's what hubby and I did. We married late and only discussed it terms of "if" not "when." By the time we finally started I was 37, nearly 38, and obviously things have not been working out well. But as my husband pointed out, I could have had these same problems at 29 or even 19. We'll just never know. I still think you have lots of time left, but I don't ever want anyone to be in the same position as me, trying and not yet succeeding due to egg problems.

Oh Beth! I didn't think that's what you meant! It's ALL good! I understood what you were saying!!!!

Holi - So sorry to hear about your situation too!!!!! I hope comes along very soon!!!!!