Feel like I'm losing it....

I just really need some reassurance. I am just so at my wits end. I'm due in 3-5 weeks with baby number two, and I have a two year old who just flat out refuses to listen to anything I say. I know she is bored. I know she isn't getting enough energy out. But it's 110 degrees outside and I cannot just let her into the backyard. She is screaming at me at the top of her lungs when I tell her not to do something. She's trying to hit and pinch me. Today she even came up to my stomach and tried to push down hard on it.

To top it off she won't sleep through the night. She's not allowed in our bed never has been. She wakes up screaming bloody murder exactly 2-3 hours after she goes down to sleep for the night. This has been going on for about 3 months now. Night terrors, joy. She's on a dye free organic/farm fresh diet. I don't give her sweets unless I make them from scratch with good ingredients.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong. We do time outs in the corner in a chair. She will sit in time out until the buzzer goes off. I'm consistent with those.

However on a night like tonight. I'm tired. It's an inferno outside. I need a crane to lift myself up off the floor or couch. She ran away from me when I was all ready to put on a night diaper and her pajamas. I asked her 5 times very nicely to come over and get dressed. She now does this thing where she closes her eyes like I can't see her if she can't see me. She just laid down on the carpet on the other side of the room from me and refused to get up. I NEVER spank her. But I did then. I seriously just lost it. Not beat her of course, but a spank on the diaper, and she looked totally shocked and cried and cried. It was a cry of being emotionally hurt and how could mommy do that to me thing. It broke my heart. Then we went into her bed room a few minutes later. I sat down in the rocker and asked her to pick out a book. She laid down on the carpet yet again and refused to get up. I just started crying. Bawling my eyes out. I told her that she is making mommy really sad when she doesn't listen to me. I took her face in my hands and talked very lovingly to her and told her how much I love her and that mommy feels sick all the time and needs her help, that I need her to listen to me and be a nice girl.

I don't think she really comprehends things at the tender age of 28 months, but seriously I just feel like it's all my fault that she is like this. I know it could be worse, I have seen horrible behavior on super nanny and stuff, and she's no where near like that, but what she is doing is very frustrating for me, and I don't know if every 2 year old goes through this, or if she's exceptionally worse because of the new baby vibe that is floating around our house. Like she senses it or something.

Anyway, I feel like a freaking horrible mom for spanking her, and of course it accomplished nothing but humiliating her and making her sad. She did the same thing a few minutes later in her room.

I just have no energy to be super mom and take her out to play groups and to the mall, and indoor play area. I literally can barely walk from the couch to the bathroom anymore, because I am suffering from low blood pressure and I get very dizzy and fatigued very easily.

So there's my sob story.

Tiff,
You are not a bad mom you are a tired pregnant woman (who is also a mom) with a strong willed beautiful two year old. Isaac started to pull some of that stuff on me right before too and would run away from me if we were outside and of course at nine months you cannot chase them. I must say I have no idea how to prep a little girl for a sibling I think boy and girls are completely different in that sense and sadly I must say I didn't do any sibling classes for Isaac I think he was too little at the time to even begin to understand. All I can say is hang in there. She is just trying to adjust in the only way she knows how. The one thing I did do that worked really well was I had the new baby bring presents home for Isaac when we came home and had extras on hand so that when people came to see the baby and brought baby stuff Isaac had some new toys/boys/blocks to entertain himself with. That was a great suggestion a friend of mine had given me.

Just stay strong and firm and things that have always been rules stay rules but realize she will try to get mommy's attention because she was used to having all of you. Isaac would crawl in the pack n play, and the baby swing, and the crib and I let him explore and do all of it. I think he just needed to know he still had his place too. He will still lay on the blanket I put on the floor for Samuel. Maybe you could start some new things that only you and she do. She may just be looking for comfort during a weird time for her.

But trust me you are NOT a bad mommy. You love her or else you wouldn't be worried.

Tiffany

You are not a bad mother! You are a wonderful mom!!!!! LM is testing you. Owen does some of the EXACT same things you are describing! He closes his eyes when I want him to do something and it drives me absolutely insane!!!!!
I just read a WONDERFUL book called Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp.
It totally changed my perspective on discipline.
And things have been better since I read it.


***What I have to say is not for everyone. I realize that there are MANY opinions on discipline and I'm just voicing my own opinion!!!!***

It may not be for everyone but I do spank. I don't spank hard and I try not to spank often. But if I tell him twice to do something/or stop doing something and he keeps disobeying he gets a spanking. I spank just below the diaper so that I get his leg. I do two quick little pops (it sounds awful but I swear it's not a hard spank!!!) This usually ends things although sometimes it makes him mad and then I have to put him in time out for 2 minutes just to cool off. After the punishment I will say to him, for example, "Owen when I ask you to stop throwing your toys you need to stop throwing your toys. Now, tell Mommy you are sorry." He will say "Sowwy Mommy" and then we hug and kiss. Most of the time I just have to say, "Owen if you don't mind me I'm going to spank" and because I've been true to my word in the past he knows I mean business.
I think the first day I implemented this I spanked several times. The second day I only spanked twice and now several days can pass without any spankings at all.

Even if you feel that spanking is not for you I think you would enjoy the book. It's scripturally based and very well written. I have a slighting different opinion on some of the things he says but I often find that with most parenting books I read.

In the mean time - you do what you can, how you can. When we are stuck inside I try to change simple things like where we play - go to a different room in the house - or I'll put Owen in the bath tub or shower with bowls and spoons and measuring cups and he will play for hours. I have read whole books sitting on the floor in the bathroom! I know it's hot but can you let her out on the porch while you watch from the window or door for 10 or 15 minutes a day? I have found that when it's really hot if I let Owen out for a few minutes he usually wants to come back in soon but those few minutes out make a big difference.

I love you and if you need to talk, let me know!!!! xoxox

Tiff, you are not a bad mom AT ALL!!! I have been having the same issues with Audrey and noticed she gets really bad after I give her a fruit snack so out the door those fruit snacks go and we are doing fruit, dairy, whole grains, veggies only snacks. She still has awful days but nothing crazy like after those fruit snacks.

I have also spanked, Tiff if you only spanked her once, you have lots of patience, lol!! I wasn't really against spanking but we did have a rule that we wouldn't spank, but we had to start recently when she wouldn't even acknoledge anything she did wrong. Even having her throw out her favourite things in the garbage did not get one feeling out of her.

I have completely lost my cool, it's a terrible feeling, I hate having to be at my wits end to get my point across.

We have terrible evenings of getting Audrey to bed too lately. She plays with us, sneaks out of her room, she's flooded (well not quite) the bathroom with water while playing in teh sink and I thought she was asleep until I heard the water.

Now I put her to bed first, she wants me to lay in her bed with her (we honestly haven't really done this, maybe the first few times she asked), but now instead I just tell her I'll be right back because I have to put Jasper to sleep and have not had much problems since. Now that she knows what a spanking is, I tell her that if she gets out of bed again, she will get a spanking and usually that works, IF she isn't in that 'I care about nothing' attitude.

To be honest, I consider myself a bad mom in comparison to how you feel. BUt I was once told that the good outway the bad, so if it's only a few spankings a day verses a bunch of good time together, then that shouldn't cause any problems with the child. Just remember how we were all raised, well some of us with spanknig and we all turned out fine. I do feel bad for those actually abused, my SO was one of them and now he's grown up to realize it's a bad thing and doesn't want his children raised that way.

Wow, Tiff, I read this from my phone, and just HAD to login to post back to you, cuz boy are you speaking to ME right now as well!!! I am so sorry that you feel this way, and I can only imagine being pregnant as heck right now with a 2 year old in the 110 degree heat! HUGS to you!!!!!!!!!! I would just be wiggin out if I were in your situation!

I was just about to post something myself about how crazy I have been lately, so if all of us are having the same issues, then we must either ALL be bad mothers...OR this is just totally NORMAL!

Thane has also been driving me crazy off and on and sometimes he's so good, will say "im sorry mommy" give me a kiss and be so good. Other times, i count to 5, I scream yell, spank and everything i can to get his attention. I spank usually when he has not listened SEVERAL times in a row and I am just at my wits end! He NEVER just lays down to get his clothes on or diaper changed or anything really and it drives me mad! Of course, when Jaime was here she'd tell me she had no trouble at all...well i do and that's all i care about! He does things VERY similar to LM and he's almost 31 months I guess, aug 18. I can't stand the not listening! I have tried the same things you have and there comes a point you just friggin LOSE it!!!!!!!!!!!! Like YOU WILL LISTEN OR I WILL WHOOP THAT ASS! I know you didn't want to do that and it obviously did nothing...when i spank thane lately he doesn't cry he gets mad and tries to hit back. So i mostly just count and try to do the positve thing "please be a good boy for mommy..." but by the 10th time I am pissed, and he usually gets whipped on his leg as LouLou said with Owen.

I think ALL of us have some sort of behavior issues from time with time with our 2 year olds, i mean my GOSH they don't say Terrible Two's for nothing! you are NOT a bad mother! You are a stressed, tired, pregnant mother who needs sleep and rest and wants your sweet beautiful little LM to be her normal sweet self ALL the time! WHICH IS NORMAL!! We all want our babies to be the sweet, loving, hugging, "I love you mommy" little babies all the time. But, like us, they have days or times that they don't feel good, or they just aren't quite themselves. We have to figure out what works and what doesn't and just sort of go with it. I feel for you cuz i am stressed out and tired and I am NOT pregnant and only have him usually to care for. And when blaine is here he helps me a lot.

one thing that i am having trouble with is him saying "Poopie Head" to everyone. I don't know HOW to get him to quit! its driving me crazy! I've told him its not nice, I have counted, i even spankedh im and he won't stop. He starts daycare tomorrow and i am afraid he'll say that when he goes there, so I hope he doesn't!!!!

So, anyway, surely now you can see you are NOT the only one and all this will work out and one day you will look back and have all these funny stories to tell her! She'll say "im sorry, mama! I had no idea what I was doing! I was only 2!" And you know how I KNOW she'll say that? Cuz Blaine is 10, I have told him some of hte stuff he did, and he said "I am sorry, Ginny! I had no idea what I was doing, I was only 2." We love you! and you are doing WONDERFUL!!!!! LM is beautiful and she is a good girl! Everyone is entitled to have rough times and all these things that are driving us crazy are a phase. You are doing great!!xxxxxxxxx

Thank you so much for responding everyone. I seriously just had the most difficult day ever, and I don't believe in spanking, although I don't look down on anyone that does spank. It's just not for me, and it makes me feel bad. I think I was most disappointed in the fact that I was so angry when I spanked her, and I hardly ever blow my top like that.

It's reassuring to hear that most of your toddlers who are a similar age are doing the exact same things as LM is doing. I don't think I would be near as on edge if I wasn't the size of a house, and it wasn't so difficult to move around. But when she runs from me, or won't come to me and she just ignores me it ticks me off because it's really hard for me to get up and down being so heavy and so dizzy from my low blood pressure.

I found out that Safeway grocery store delivers groceries, which makes me really happy. It is a load off my mind to know that the bulk of my shopping can be done online, and I only have to venture out to the farmers market for my weekly produce, ya know? So ya, it feels nice, let me tell ya.

I am SO EXCITED to have this baby. I can't wait until I can down some caffeine if I need a pick me up! Thanks for listening to me and being so sweet everyone. I love you all. xxxxxxxx

We do time outs with Isaac. He has a huge temper and temper tantrums to the point of banging his head off the floor if he really gets going. So time outs on the step seem to cool his temper and give me time to catch my breath. He has two minutes and I set the timer so he can see it. Lately if he throws a toy or gets mad he will just go sit on the step and give himself a time out but he dictates those on his own. I only use time outs if he is really out of control or if he will not pick up the toy he threw when I ask. But yes I think it is just a crazy time of learning and discovering for them or that is what I tell myself when things get crazy. We need to start a thread called "Today was a crazy day" for the days that test our wits and our patience.

Hey hunny!I finally have time to repsond,although it looks like everyone has said pretty mjuch what I was going to say;

In a nutshell: You are a great mom,it's totally understandable that you lost it,gosh if I could count the amount of times I lost it with Teo between the ages of one and two,in comparison you are the patron saint of patience! The biggest thing here is how you feel physically.You are exausted,heavy,bloated and HOT,done with being pregnant I'm sure.It is SO hard to take care of,babysit and make sure that your child doesnt destroy everything and move things out of the way,as well as being a chef and a maid while you have no enegry,feel dizzy and like crap!You are NOT a bad person you're sick (from the pregnancy) and I KNOW how hard it is.When got pregnant with Tia-li,for the first 6-12 weeks,I felt SO sick that all I could do was lay down ALL day.I felt dizzy and pukey all the time.I could NOT take care of Teo,I just let him do whatever he wanted as I had no energy to stop him,the house got more and more trashed and I had NO strength to even worry about cleaning it.I never cooked and fed him on cookies,chips and microwaved foods (of course I also ddin't know about the diet thing but I don't think it would have changed at the time). I felt like a shitty mother but could do nothing about it.It will pass and thinkgs will get better.I know it's hard though but please don't guilt trip yourself you are NOT alone and you can't help it! x

Also,on the terrible 2's thing.I don't think I noticed with Teo as he was always terrible (till I switched his diet) but with Tia-li,she went from my angellic little baby to (in the past few weeks) being a whiney,angry brat a lot of the time.I thought it was her back teeth (which have been coming in) but I hoenstly think they are out now.It's worse if she is tired of hungry but she just constantly whines and moans,the voice she uses is SO annoying I yell at her sometimes.She throws somewthing if you tell her 'no' and she comes ands scratches me (worse still,I can't cut her nails coz she wont keep still) and hits Teo even when he's not doing anything.They have started to fight a little now which alhtoug it's usually easily broken up is still a stress that no mother needs.But she also trashes the place with no regard for anything I say sometimes and I just sit down defeated and put her in her high chair or the pack n play.She also pouts and frowns at me.but I think it's just the 'testing phase' Again I know it's not needed now of all times,but if I got through it,you will too! love you hunny.call me whenever! x

Tiff, I just now have a minute to reply. You are SO NOT a bad mom. You are a fantastic mom. And, like the others said, I am totally in the same boat with Kian.

There are times when I am totally feeling lost and overwhelmed. Just a week ago Kian was not listening over and over again and being a brat and I dragged him into timeout and Sean was screaming and couldn't be consoled and I just sat down in the middle and just cried and cried...

Kian so does not listen these days and it is annoying. It has gotten worse since we brought Sean home. He ignores us, starts spitting or biting and throws terrible tantrums. We don' t spank him, but he goes into timeout. A lot more frequently these days. I feel bad to put him into timeout that often especially with Sean here so I now try to divert some of these situations before they escalade. I am really trying to not have Kian feel resentful towards his brother. Of course it doesn' t help that Sean is a needy baby and that I have to go back to work full-time next week.

Hang in there, Tiff. Kian does behave very similarly and hopefully will outgrow this. You are not alone. We are right here with you.

Tiff- Its happening to all of us. I had an awful dayon Monday, Kyrah was A TERROR at the shops, hitting me spitting at me, it was the worst i have ever seen her. i got home and Bawled my eyes out, then she cried cause i was crying but i couldnt help it, I sometimes smack but not often but if i do i too feel so bad that i walk away crying. I know i am using all the correct techiques of telling to to tell us she feels sad or angry, re-direction, Fussing over the positives not negatives, Keeping her occupied, eating well, being consistent, Teaching manners and how to use her hands gently and correctly and using her words instead of hitting etc, but sonetimes i feel like nothing is working and that i am a terrible mother. It really is their age. I feel very stressed at times with this behaviour, like it will never end, but i guess if we stay consistent and keeping loving them as we do, they will soon learn ( i hope) lol

keep up the good work everyone
and Tiff dont feel bad, some days we have more patience than others, i knwo i do, if i have had a bad sleep and Hudson is restless then she chucks a tantrum and i am rushing around tryiing to go out , the house isa mess, it all piles up and i lose it. Other days everyone is calm, thr house is clean, feel organised etc i have way more patience. I really appriciate when Kyrah is good now lol

Actually i just went to lunch with mum and dad and the kids and Kyrah had a ball, she had lots of attention from all of us, i played one on one with her in the playground etc, but it was past her rest time. She took off on my mum and was running SUPER fast towards the road, she has always stopped when i call her, she wouldnt and my mum had to sprint after her, it was scary and of course we all explained why she must listen to us, but that is just an example of toddlers not listening, wanting to do their own thing!!!

Jayden has pretty much been in terrible two's since about 1 1/2, and it looks like we're going to roll into terrible 3's too. She's amazing at school. They all love her. She listens, behaves, shares, all of the above with the positive things I can only wish for at home. At home, Jadah and she fight and fuss all day. Jadah can't even barely lay her arm on Jayden's carseat cause that's an argument. Jadah hates for Jayden to follow her and Jayden knows it so does it every chance she gets. She talks to Jadah likes she's her older sister instead of vice versa. Sometimes it's funny as hell to hear her to tell Jadah to stop touching stuff in the store and "come here now!" But, I can see how all that gets on Jadah's nerves. She gets into all kinds of crazy stuff. Last night I turned the oven on to preheat it. Well, after about 10 mins, I smell this burning coming from it. The landlord just bought the stove, so there shouldn't have been any old food or something to cause the smoking burning smell. The girl had put my deep fryer lid(I haven't put it back together since we moved in yet) into the oven!! She's started this loud irritating whiny cry that takes ages to produce tears, but causes my patience to wear thin quickly. Her manners are outstanding, and she can be amazingly good when she chooses to, but for now, she's in brat mode. And I don't see it going anywhere anytime soon. She's about to go to her dad's for a month :afraid: She better give them all the hell that she's given us I know that!! But I've said all this Tiff, to tell you that you're a great mom. Our kids are going through some crazy phase stuff, and if you've only popped her a couple times in her life, and she's still overall a good girl, then you're definitely doing something right. The way I see it is this, different people parent differently. And as long as your child is overall good, then you're doing just fine!!! Ups and downs come with the territory of LIFE.