poll for HOLY CRAP!! thread.

[24Penguins]

OK i have decided to make a poll, i know none of you can make this decision for me, but i figured it would be a fun way to anonymously see what other people would do in this situation.

I almost feel like an incrediby selfish person for wanting to have another baby of my own first since ive already been blessed with a beautiful daughter.

Also, i can more than likely very easily get pregnant on my own in 2 or 3 years since i am only 22. Tanya turned 40 last month, so I feel like she should really come first, as (no offense tanya, you know i love you) shes not getting any younger.

Well, any input would be wonderful!!

thanks ladies!

[Toffee]

So let me get this straight, a friend of yours is and might not be able to sustain the pregnancy? So you're wondering whether to be her surrogate, but not sure whether to have your own baby first?

Sorry, I'm easily confused

[24Penguins]

lol, yeah that pretty much sums it up, its my half sister and she cannot have children due to reproductive cancer when she was younger (shes fine now!!). its all really confusing.

[Toffee]

Sorry, I'm slow and only just read your long story hehe. So now I know...wowee! This really is a tough situation!

One question, what is making you NOT want to do it for her?

I think I could do it, but not with my own egg. I think that would be too hard growing my own child, but I can house some one elses.

[24Penguins]

there are really only 3 things making me think twice.

1. I need to loose some weight, and should probably do that before TTC or anything. if she would give me 3-6 months to shed some pounds, that problem would be solved (and no i dont mind having to loose it all again after a pregnancy, its mainly so that the baby would be healthy, weather it be my baby with DF or tanyas)

2. I havent talked to DF about it and i truthfully dont know if he would be thrilled with the idea. i keep going back and forth between thinking he would be fine with the idea, and him being reserved. i dont think he would tell me not to, i just think he would have his doubts about it.

3. I dont want to put my body through too much, so more than likely if i did this for her now, me and DF would wait to have another child a small while, and kaydance would probably be around 4 when our second child is born. I am ok with this, even though its not my first chioce, because at least i have the option to keep having children! also, DF would be happier with a larger age gap, so at least this would make him happy lol!

as far as the eggs go, i would have to talk to adrienne before i made a decision and see what their next step was, since i dont know 100% of the details. its yet another thing to think about, and believe me, i know this is not something to just jump into, im not!

[Toffee]

I don't envy you to be in this situation, poor you! Such a tough situation!

I think the fact that you'd be giving her a child, would make waiting to have your second child more rewarding!

[24Penguins]

lol, i cant complain, i put myself in this situation lol!! no one has asked me to do anything, im the one that started thinking about it.

but i think your right about making it that much more special when i do have another child of my own.

well, still something i need to spend a lot of time thinking on, but thank you so much for all your input!!

[Toffee]

No problem

Just make sure that you do wait and make sure that you feel confident with your decision.

[24Penguins]

oh i will!!! hehe, no rash decisions over here!! who knows, im a few days i might look back at all of this and say what the hell was i thinking? lol. probably wont, but ya never know! thanks again!

[ANMSMITH]

I think it is a very honorable thing to do, to think about alone! it is so hard to think there are no possibilities and to have someone offer there body for some one elses happiness is so so wonderful! You are a great person with a huge heart!! XXXXXXXXX

[BethG]

I'm sure there's info out there, but one of the biggest questions besides being physically healthy for a pregnancy is are you mentally healthy? Not suggesting you're not, but being a surrogate is a HUGE decision. You will have to prepare yourself to purposely get pregnant (through whatever means), carry that baby for nine months, and then give it away. That's a lot to handle. Even tougher than putting a baby up for adoption, I think.

Tanya's husband doesn't seem to be on board yet anyway.

And your sister? Geez louise, I wanna slap her. (sorry) Three unplanned pregnancies and two abortions? *shakes head*

[24Penguins]

annsmith- thanks! lol you made me feel good about myself. of course i dont know yet if i will do this, i still have a ton of thinking to do, but still, you made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!!! hehe.

beth- i know its going to be extremely rough if i go through with this, that is one of the main things i am thinking over right now. i do believe i am in better mental shape than physical lol! i would like to loose weight before getting pregnant regardless of whose baby i am carrying (no sense in getting all fit for my child and being a cow if i carry tanyas lol).

and tanyas hubby if totally on board with someone carrying their child if it is with his sperm. he is not likeing the idea of adoping adriennes baby because it is not his or tanyas in any way, does that make sense?

and no offense taken. like i said, i love my sister dearly, but im glad shes getting a tubal done after this pregnancy. no sense in going through all the difficulties of somehing like this AGAIN since she cant seem to keep her legs shut. lol.

[Helen]

I really don't know what to say, in my honest opinion I think only you can decide on this one xx

[24Penguins]

yeah helen, i know your right.

[Helen]

I understand you want advice from us all, and even there I can't even begin to give you any becasue I don't know what to say, only your heart and how you feel can decide for you xx

[BethG]

ok, here's another hypothetical for you to consider.....what if you had a child for Tanya but then couldn't have another for you and your man? Maybe this is a case where you should put yourself before others. JMO here.

[24Penguins]

thats so true beth and i truthfully hadnt even thought of that. this is exactly why i posted this here, i mean i know no one can make this decision but me, but you are bringing up so many good things i really have to put a lot of thought into. i mean, i know i would be very upset if i couldnt have another child. i would be happy that i have kaydance and i would have to move on, but i know that it would tear me up inside. thank you beth.

[BethG]

I was remembering another conversation about egg donation and that came up. What if I donate eggs but can't have a baby of my own? How would I feel then? And some ladies who HAD donated eggs did post...and all of them already had children of their own and didn't want anymore.

So a different situation but with some similarities.

[24Penguins]

yeah, that makes a ton of sense, i mean adrienne was doing this for tanya but wasnt planning of having any more children of her own (it just didnt work out that way lol) but i hadnt really thought about it in relation to me. and i would be upset if i couldnt have another child, not upset with tanya or their child either, but still.... upset lol i cant explain it. but seriously, thanks for pointing that out, i will give that some very serious thought now, its kind of changed everything. not saying i wouldnt consider it anymore, but theres more on the table now lol.

[Toffee]

I was gonna say how would you feel if you couldn't have kids either, but didn't know how to say it hehe. Thanks Bethy Boo hehe

In that case, I'd have your own first. Think about it in that time, and then offer.

[24Penguins]

yes, i think you all are right, as much as i would really want to do this for her, i just dont think i could risk that. i mean i got DF to agree to two kids, when i would be happy with 4!!! so i need to at least get the two. if she is still wanting a child after number two for me though i may come back and do this for her, seriously. i think i can handle it, i just couldnt handle not having my own first (as crazy selfish as that sounds). i guess we will see where life leads us right? well, i guess i have about 2 years to think this over now, unless something changes in the meantime (such as tanya adoping adriennes baby after all or something similar). i dont think i will say my mind is made up yet, but its probably about 90% there right now (for me waiting until i have one more child of my own to bring this up to anyone).


Thank you everyone so much for all of your input. this is exactly what i wanted, to get peoples different perspectives on it cause of course i am going to think everything i great if its something i want to do, but i wouldnt have thought of a few good points made her. i hope im making sense lol.

anyways, thanks everyone!

[Toffee]

I don't think it's selfish at all. I wouldn't be able to do it until I had atleast 2 kids, to make sure I have mine first. I think that's fair. You'd be renting your body out physically and emotionally for a long time, so it has to be on your terms, in what you feel comfortable with!

[White Lily]

It's not selfish Nika! I honestly don't think I could do it, and that sounds bad coming from someone who would do anything to have a child right now! If I did I know I couldn't do it with my own eggs, it would have to be someone else's, at least then it's not like it would be my biological child. I am reading this right now and I don't think it's coming out right! I know what I am trying to say but can't really explain it!

[24Penguins]

no mel i know what your saying lol it made sense.

thanks guys for being so supportive *bug hugs*

[sparkles]

I totally agree, honestly i would think of yourself and finish your family first as you dont want to regret that you couldnt have naymor eof your own children and also it would be sooo hard to give up even if its not your baby, you had 9 months of BONDING with the baby!! i do think that you are a very special person for considering this and i am sure your sister would be so grateful and it s so sad that she is 40 and still HOPING i do feel for her, but....... you have to put yourself and your immediate family first!!
xo

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