HOLY CRAP!

ok first off im not sure if this is the right place to be posting, seeing as it relates to pregnancy and and infertility, but its a story about my family and not me, so i figured it would be best in anything and everything. if it needs to be in another forum, i hope the Admins will move it for me

So my sister that lives in CA (3000 miles away :cry: ) just called me and told me that shes pregnant!!! I am so happy for her, and freaked out at the same time!! this is going to be a very long story just to warn you all!! i will start in the beginning!!

and as a disclaimer, im sorry if this story upsets any of you that are currently for over 12 months, it might. but you will also be able to relate to it very well if you read on past the hard parts.

Ok so Adrienne (my sister thats now pregnant) first got pregnant when she was 18. she didnt know who the father was and wasnt in a place to have a baby so she had an abortion. i dont know how yall feel about this, but i am dead against it other than in rape victims so i was very upset with her. it took a long time but i did forgive her as i got older. Fast forward to when she is 19, she is in a steady relationship (not a good one though, they are both on drugs, bad ones at that) and finds out she is pregnant again, but at least this time she knows who the father is (even if hes an asshole). She is going to keep this baby, and i am sure that this baby (who is now my nephew Skyler, and will be 6 years old in December) saved her life. she cleaned up her act when she found out she was expecting, got off all the drugs and was working full time. she moved back in with my and my mom (at this time i was 15 or 16) and stayed with us from then on. Her and Billy (the asshole sperm doner *ahem* father) were on and off again, and eventually he moved in with all of us at our moms. he was clean for some of it and kept going back and forth between the drugs and being clean. its all very complicated.

So Skyler is born, and everyone is thrilled, he is a beautiful healthy baby and is growing up well. me and my sister and my mom pretty much raised him. So when skyler is roughly 13 months old, Adrienne comes to me and my mother and tells us that she is pregnant again! good lord! the father of this one is Billy as well. we are all as excited for her as we can be, not like you can turn back time and make it go away! lol. so shes keeping this baby as well (which i was very happy about). before this baby was born (who is not Ashton, my other nephew who turned 4 years old today!! happy birthday Ashton, i miss you!!!) her and Billy finally did break up, for real. she was still living with me and my mom and Skyler, but billy was pretty much out of the picture other than seeing skyler every now and again. his family was still very involved in skylers life though, that was good. ok so when adrienne was about 7 months pregnant with Ashton, my mom decided she was going to move to NC, and adrienne was going to go with her. they waited until after ashton was born. so ashton is born and is healthy and everything (billy missed his birth, actually he missed skylers too...) and they waited until ashton was 2 weeks old and had his 2 week checkup before hopping into an RV and driving across the country!!

a few months later, i moved out to NC and joined them! we were all happy again, me, my mom, adrienne, skyler, and now ashton. less than a year later, Billy moved out to NC to be with his family. he got sober and him and adrienne moved into their own house with the boys to try and have another go at it. we all still lived in the same neighborhood so it was all good, we saw eachother frequently. well, her and billy broke up but continued to live in the house togther as roomates for the boys sake i guess. meanwhile adrienne started casually seeing some guy from work, and low and behold within a month or two shes freakin pregnant again. i was shocked. Billy told her that if she kept the baby he would raise it as his own (which as noble as that was, no one really believed him with his track record, and the fact that he was unable to stay sober for long). she ended up aborting this baby, so i was upset, but didnt stay mad at her this time. i just found out today that the man who got her pregnant this time already had 3 kids, and all 3 of them had mental retardation of some sort, and adrienne i guess thought the baby was doomed from the start).

so now after all of this adrienne decides to move back to CA! i was so sad becuase i was used to seeing my nephews whenever i wanted!! so she moved with the boys, and at this point billy was off the wagon so to speak and landed himself in jail so she just left him behind. he finally followed her, but he has been out of the picture for the most part since then, truthfully i dont think he even tries to see his sons anymore. his family is still quite involved in the boys lives in CA though, so they still have a lot of family there for them.

shortly after adrienne moved back to CA i got pregnant with Kaydance, and that has really no relevance to the story, but i thought i would throw that in there anyway!! lol.

so now adrienne and the boys are happy and living well in CA, and my other sister Tanya who lives in Hawaii came to her to ask a favor. Tanya is unable to have children because she got some sort of reproductive cancer when she was in college (shes my half sister actually and much older than me, so i was very young when she was in college and this happened). anyways she had to have a procedure that left her 100 % infertile. she was upset by this, but didnt let it get her to down since she still had her health! well, now was the time her and her husband were really ready for a baby, so they came to adrienne asking her to be a surigate since she has no problem getting pregnant. well adrienne said she would be happy to help them (our half sister and her husband) so they have been trying sevral procedures over the past year. i dont know all the tecnical names for them, but i know they tried to harvest Tanyas eggs and put them in adrienne after fertilizing them with tanyas hubbys sperm 3 times and it didnt take, so they thought it was tanyas eggs that were the problem. so then they tried harvesting adriennes eggs and fertilizing them with tanyas hubbys sperm and then putting them in adrienne and they tried that twice and it didnt work. but they werent giving up (tanya and hubby are weathy so they want to keep on trying!!). they then tried to just inject tanyas hubby sperm in adrienne after taking all the shots and stuff (i think thats IUI right?) and the did that once (that was actually last month) and it didnt take. they were all prepared to try this again next month.

well, i guess adrienne feels pretty bad now cause they were all set to try the IUI (?) again next month really hoping it will finally take, and shes gotten pregnant on her own! so now she has this dillema that shes pregnant, but the baby isnt tanya and her hubbys in the least. and to make matters worse ( i still cannot believe this part at ALL!!!!!) the father of this new baby that adrienne just got pregnant with is married to some other woman, and he is not planning on telling his wife!!! i cannot get over how fucked up this situation is. So then after talking to the babys father, adrienne went to tanya and told her that she could adopt this baby after it is born if she would like, but not to feel pressured since she was going to keep the baby even if she said no. so adopting the baby would not be saving it from abortion or anything, it was already safe. well, tanya was in love with that idea, i think she just wants a baby, and it doesnt matter where it comes from, but now tanyas hubby says no way to that idea!! and i really dont know why he wouldnt do it. i didnt hear the whole story on that part, just what adrienne told me this morning.

well, regardless adrienne has told me she is keeping this baby, and the babys father knows this (who knows how he will be in the picture though since he isnt planning on telling his wife). and im very happy that she is keeping it. so i am happy for her, but at the same time i am sitting here going WTF?!?!!?!?! ya know? i cant wrap my head around all of this.

anyways, sorry for the super long weird ass post about my fucked up family, but i had to get this out and adrienne asked me not to tell our other family quite yet, she will tell them soon but isnt quite ready (and i can understand that) and i am respecting that, so i HAD to tell someone who doesnt know any of my other family!!! lol

i feel better now, even if no one reads this whole crazy ass story of mine.

Wow! That is quite some story. And I will agree, your sister is very fertile. DF and I were talking about your story. He said that he wouldn't want her baby either, but then when I pointed out, that the alternative was no baby, his statement changed to "well, uh, let's not talk like that cause we don't have to worry about it." Men are so funny and weird, but maybe after the shock and disappointment of not having a baby with at least one part of them, will wear off, and your half-sister's husband will have a change of heart, for his wife's sake.

Your story reminds me of my cousin. She is 29 and has 6 children, with the oldest being 10, I think. She's not married. I think like 3 or 4 of them are for one man, but the others, I have no clue. It just makes no sense. I know that we don't know God's plans, but sometimes it's so hard not to sit and wonder why these types of people seem to "have all the luck" in that department, when those who appear to have it right, just don't have the luck.

Nika,
I'm glad your family has such a great support system. Not all families have that.

wow- your poor sister who has been trying for ages!!! i wonder if her hubby will come around, do you think your sister who is pregnant will still give it up if they decide later during the pregnancy??
i always didnt like stories like that either as we had trouble conceiving but thats life isnt it and at least your sister is keeping baby now and has cleaned up her act, thats wonderful!!!
i hope it all works out
xo

Nika I think it must be a man thing! I have been thinking about adoption lately, which is a lengthy and complicated process here in the UK, but BF is dead against it. It's like if he can't have his own child then he doesn't want one at all. I don't know hun, I am sure it will all work out in the end but I can only imagine what this is doing to your infertile sister. Must be very hard for her.

Nika I think that would be a massive choice for you too make, and not a decision to be taken lightly!!!! Not that you are taking it lightly but you know what I mean! If you seriously think it's something you could do, and would want to do then it would be the best present you could ever give your sister, but I do think that you have to be a certain type of person to do this. I personally can't imagine carrying a baby for 9 months, feeling it kick and grow, give birth to it and then to give it away to someone, even if that someone was a sister that was desperate for a baby! And I have never been pregnant, you have so I am sure you can imagine just how hard that would be!
If someone offered to be a surrigate for me I would be reluctant to say the least. I would just have this fear for the whole pregnancy that the surrigate might change their minds or something.
It's definately worth thinking about if you belive deep down that you could do it but I wouldn't mention it to your sister untill you have thought long and hard about it and know 100% that you are willing to do it! You must be a very special person to be even thinking about it

Wow, Nika. That's a HUGE deal. I'm with White Lily (mel?) on this one. There's no way I could EVER do that! She's right, it does take a certain kind of person. After having K, I just know that it just wouldn't be possible. I couldn't go through all of that w/a baby inside me, then give him/her away. It makes me want to cry just thinking of it! :(

Flippin hec (the polite version) what a situation!!

OH MY!!

Well, personally I would be a surrogate, but i'm not sure if it was my baby. Maybe if it was a donated egg?

No worries, 24p

I've not had an abortion. I'm not against them entirely, providing people don't just use it as a form of contraception. If people are careless to start with, they shouldn't have sex if they can't deal with the consequences. Most people that have abortions, it is a complete shock and they feel they just can't deal with it, for whatever reason.

If I had gotten pregnant a couple of years ago, I would have had to have an abortion if I wanted to finish my degree and become a teacher (in my eyes, although it can be done). Now, I would keep a baby, without a doubt!

24P, I don't think you came across that way either. Abortions are the best thing in some cases. I was just critical of your sister because I feel she acted irresponsibly...more than once.