NEED YOUR HONEST ADVICE/OPINION??

Right, as nost of you know my family is completed with my gorgeous 2 boys and i have no intentions of having anymore aprt from the clucky phase that i quite often go through, so there is definatly no more children in our future unless i win the lottery!
anyway, i have been seriously thinking over the last couple of days about becoming an egg donor. This has been something that has always been in the back of my mind along with surrogucy because my sister in law has failed to get pregnant with IVF over the last few years.
anyway, there is a lady i know who had a little girl in 2006 and had to get her ovaries removed due to cancer she was fortunate enough to keep her uterus, now she would like to give her daughter a sibling but needs the help of a donor. I have spoken to hubby about it but he is on the fence. in my eyes its not a hard decision to make as anyone of us could of been in that situation. I am going to the nurse tomorrow to get my lovely smear test done and also a full std, hiv check in case this does go any further and also going to get info and patches to give up smoking, regardless of whether or not this goes ahead. I want your advice, am i doing the right thing? i spoke to mum about it and she doesnt want me doing it for the reason that i may get attached to the baby and say its mine etc, but in my eyes whoever carrys the baby and gives birth to the baby is the mum regardless of whose eggs they are. i know genetically yes but everyother way no. and the baby will never be classed as a half brother or sister to my kids, just another friend.
so please give me your honest advice and opinions on this please?

thanks in advance

Mum I think it would be the most wonderfull gift you could ever give someone. I might not have any choice but to donate eggs in the future. I will get one try at IVF on the NHS but after that I will have to fund it myself. Here in the UK you can do what is called egg sharing where you share your eggs and the recipient basically pays the majority of the costs of your own IVF treatment. All the doner has to pay for is the drugs. I am a little hesitant to do this without having a child of my own but if I have to I will, but I have already decided that if my IVF works the first time I want to donate eggs in the future. I know first hand how hard infertility can be and if I can help some woman get her little mirracle then that's what I want to do. The big difference is for me it would be anonymous which obviously makes the decision easier, although under UK law, once the child reaches 18 he / she would be entitled to get my details if he / she wishes. Go with your gut instint though, this is a huge decision, especially doing it for someone you know, but if you can do it then just remember what a wonderfull wonderfull thing you are doing for her. Words can't express just how wonderfull it would be!

Thanks for your reply. This has been on my mind so much in the last few hours especially, and since posting the first post ive been working out the pros and cons, ive been reading a bit on the donor process etc and its really stirred things up a bit!! i still really want to do this but i have come to learn its not as easy now as what i first thought!
The lady who is needing a donor i dont actually know personally. She is on a NZ forum ive been a member of since i was pregnant with jesse. I have known her online for about 3 years now, we have text etc but never actually met but i feel as if i know her, just like i know you guys.
In nz the donor can not accept any ,oney etc for doing it. The recipients do however pay for travel, accomodation and medical costs so the donor doesnt pay for a thing. So i would walk in as i am and walk out exactly the same minus a few eggs.
I am only wanting to do it because it pains me to see nice people who deserve children not being able to have them. I have been blessed by being able to get pregnant first go. and being a mum is the best thing in the world and no woman should ever be deprived of that, does that make sense?
I am all for it but for some reason there is still something holding me back, im not sure what it is. I know i said i am not having anymore kids but we have sort of discussed another one in maybe 6 or 7 years would be nice, The fertility clinic has said that they like you to finish having your family before being a donor as there is always a risk with anything, so i guess the only hing im sort of worrying about is if i go through with this, will i ever be able to get pregnant again? the 3rd baby is not on the cards but you just never know. is that being selfish??
Here its not anonymous, we have to have counselling as well as the other coupl and as they are finding their own donors we are required to meet tog et to know each other so we feel comfortable and that i would be the right person for her. by law the child gets the info at 16 here of their gentic mother etc.
we would also be honest with the kids as i wouldnt want the child coming and knocking on the boys door 18 years doen the track saying helllooo we are related!
I just want to get people opinions and views so it can help me with my decision, i have spoken to hubby and he is like me still not 100% sure. i know deep in my heart i want to do it, but its that what if i could never get pregnant after thing holding me back. NOT that i plan on more children as in my eyes my family is complete but who is to know if i would like another a few years down the track??? that sounds soo self centred and selfish as i know there are a few of you lovely ladies who have had trouble,
arrgghh,
so what i think it boils down too, is the pregnant after it happens part?? i think if i was told i couldnt ever have any more babies id feel as if something was stolen from me?? I would NEVER regret helping the person tho EVER let me get that bit strait! but if i was garunteed to be able to get pregnant after then i would go for it without hesitation. im not sure of the stats on if you can get preg after being a donor, i think if i had figures it would help. sorry im sitting here rambling on changing my mind back and forth as i type! im off to bed to sleep on it as its been in my head all day, once i have all the info i need i think i can make a betta decision. but please keep your thoughts and opinions coming as they will also help me make up my mind with all of this. and please be as honest as you can!

Well I don't know any actual figures but I am pretty sure that the same process is used when you donate eggs as they use when you have IVF treatment to stimulate the ovaries. I don't know anyone personally that has donated eggs but I do know quite a few women that have had IVF treatment and most of them have gone on to have further pregnancies and didn't require fertility treatment the second time around, or even third time round in my SIL case! I would think the risk of not being able to conceive is pretty low but like everything, there is a risk and by law they HAVE to tell you about it. Let's face it there's risks with taking paracetomol but we still do it all the time! I don't think you are being selfish at all, I do understand that it's a huge decision and to be honest, if it wasn't for the fact I have my own fertility problems I don't think I would ever have considered donating eggs. It's good that you are going through all the pro's and con's before making a decision, rather than just jumping in blind and then backing out when you have really thought about it. I am sure others will have plenty of opinions on this and I apreciate that my thoughts are probably influenced quite abit by my own fertility troubles. I also would like to say that I think it makes it extra special that it's someone you met on a forum. I honestly believe that if I had a child and someone from one of these forums that I had got to know well needed eggs and I could help, I would do it in a heartbeat, but again that is heavily influenced by my own troubles conceiving!

I think it's a great idea, but that being said, I could never be an egg donor, much more likely to be an egg recipient. The non-anonymitity (sp!) of it over there bothers me just a bit. I think in the US couples can choose their donor based on a profile of what she looks like including race and national-background and also pictures of her as an infant/child.

In a clinical sense, it's just bits and pieces you're not going to use, right? I've donated blood many times and never thought twice about it. Yeah, I know, it's a bit different somehow.

Over on the other forum, there's a thread titled sharing your eggs and a friend of a member did sign on and share her experiences as an egg donor....describes the whole process very clearly and I'm sure touches on the emotional aspect of it too.

In New Zealand, what does the egg recipient have to pay for? In the US it seems like women really aren't "donating" their eggs so much as selling them. Or they are donating them only for some big fertility clinic to make big bucks off of inseminating and implanting them in someone else.

Well in NZ, depending on the situation depends on how much the recipient has to pay. For example my SIL and BIL (daryns sister) were trying to get pregnant for a few years before undergoing tests. when they got the test done, they found out that it is impossible for them to concieve, for one his sperm well their heads are too big and a few other issues, so they get 2 free goes at IVF then have to pay there after. it is around $8000 nzd every three months for a whole round, if they have eggs left over its cheaper for the next round.
In the donor recipient case, they pay for my treatment and their own, i know some of it is covered in cases like her ovaries being removed but if it was going to be four or five goes before she got pregnant then she would have to pay for some. I think if the fertility problem is quite severe you can get 3 or 4 goes free. im not too sure. but i know it works something like that. But i would be donating, not for money or anything else, just to help another person have a baby, i will get noting. which suits me fine, im doing it to purely help. Just like if one of you needed eggs i would jump at the chance to donate.

I don't know how often you visit the other site, if at all now days, but that thread that Beth mentioned is a great source of info of you are considering donating eggs. It's in the "Overcoming Infertility" section and it's called "Sharing my eggs (and not the scrambled kind)" Someone who had donated eggs in the UK kept a diary of the whole process from start to finish, you really should give it a read! I think someone else on there donated eggs between having her children and she obviously hasn't had problems conceiving. Might be worth a read?

Mum- you are such a loving person to consider this, this shows what a compasionate person you are!!! My best friend is thinking the exact same thing at the moment, she has two children and doesnt want anymore and always sees ads in the paper etc for families wanting egs. However i think here the child ( from the egg) has the right to find out who their 'real" mum is at 18!!! ( i could be wrong) but i think thats what my friend said, and she said thats freaks her out a bit. But she is still considering it.
If i were in the recepients (sp) position i wouls be so eternally grateful for blessing us with a child. So sorry i havent helped but its your choice and i wish you all the best with your decision xoxoxox

thanks for all the replys. i will check out that other thread. We would keep in touch with the other family just because of the fact that NZ is really small and if they had a girl and one of my boys met her in later life it would be a bit difficult. lol.